So what you are saying is that your love of seeing her happy overrides the pain felt by seeing her love all over another guy? That is some powerful love. I suppose I have the same to a different degree, however he has yet to meet someone that has knocked his socks off yet. Even so, I have watched him be enamored with someone, and the glint in his eye for someone else sends a rush of mixed emotions.
I really never managed to say anything, I did list a lot of things that could be negative and made me sound petty. That is not what I wanted to leave you or anyone else with.
I have let is steep all day and I think I have found a way to explain it. (I hope so anyway, and I am sorry M if you took any of that negatively I really didn't mean it that way)
Let's look at some couples.
Couple one is elderly shopping at the store, they walk slowly always holding hands, He keeps nodding whenever she says something. They both pretend he hears her.
Couple two is at the park, he is on one knee holding a ring. She is jumping up and down nodding her head yes because she can't force words out of her mouth.
Couple three is sitting on the porch, watching grandchildren play, she reaches over and touches him, he smiles. They have a conversation without saying anything.
Couple four is a woman running, bursting with love to the arms of the man she hasn't seen in a week.
They are all visions of love, all mushy ( M uses that word to describe me a lot) all beautiful. It warms my heart to think of them, I can totally envision myself and M in any of those scenarios. I can do that because I am in love with her. I am fairly sure that you can see yourself and your SO in the same scenarios.
The problem comes when you see your SO and another person in that scene. Suddenly what is beautiful between two unknown people and what is beautiful between you and your SO, is now ugly, now unjust, not right, not beautiful.
But the action didn't change, the motives didn't change, the feelings between those two people didn't change. The only thing that changed was that I (or you) were not a participant with our SO. Really the only thing that changed was our perception of rightness or fairness.
I am confident in my relationship with M. She has promised to wipe my ass when I can no longer do so and I believe her. I know that what she feels for R does not change her love for me or that promise.
If she grabs my ass and whispers something raunchy in my ear while we are in a checkout line. I will be thrilled and it will be perfectly alright because she is doing it to the man she loves.
To be fair, to allow that her and R's love is authentic and genuine. I need to change my vocabulary from "the man she loves" to "ONE OF THE MEN she loves" It's perfectly alright, and thrilling for her to grab the ass of the man she loves, regardless of which one of us it is.
Love, those visions, those actions, those motions, no matter which scenario you envision; they don't hurt until you are not on the receiving end. It's kind of selfish really. Yes I get annoyed, yes I get hurt, all three of us do. For me, usually it is because I am putting meaning behind actions, I am making myself a victim, all because two people I care deeply for are expressing their love for each other. They aren't trying to send me any message other than that they know I accept them, and they trust me with their love.
These negative feelings are real, but they are usually born from my own selfish view. To deal with them I look for and usually find an alternative viewpoint.