Hey,
I'm new to the forum but I've been meaning to join for a while, so hello everyone
I've always believed in Polyamory, and I am currently in a polyamorous relationship with a great girl, but I am, unfortunately, struggling to overcome certain jealousies, or more realistically, feelings of inadequacy.
To give you some background, I was in a straight-laced, very vanilla relationship for 3 and a half years, with a lovely girl- But I was bored. I got into the relationship young, as you do, and never ended it because the girl never gave me reason to. The fact was though, that the whole time I wanted to be Polyamorous (I never cheated on her, don't worry), not just for the freedom to sleep with other people, but to be free of mutual dependence in a relationship, because I always wanted to travel.
When I finally got the balls to end things with this girl, I slept around a little bit, and then ended up in a casual, polyamorous relationship with a girl I met. She's an awesome girl, loads of fun, very intelligent, and like me, believes in Polyamory. We saw each other for about 8 months casually before I began travelling. I spent nine months travelling, in which time we both slept with other people, but maintained contact (though we did not go into detail about who we'd slept with). When I came back, we resumed seeing eachother, and I am really enjoying it, and she is too.
Since my return, we talked about people we slept with whilst I was away. She slept with 4 guys and 1 girl. There's just one thing- One of these experiences was a threesome (two girls, one guy), which is something we had always wanted to do but never got around to.
I knew she'd sleep with other guys whilst I was away, and it has never made me jealous, but the fact she had a threesome actually really does. I hate that it makes me jealous, because I am not a naturally jealous person.
Unfortunately, I am still quite young, and when you're raised with 'traditional' values of monogamy and such, it is hard to evolve passed the concept of ownership we place on people. I also attribute part of my jealousy to the fact that my ex-girlfriend was so totally dedicated to me that she would do almost anything I said, and only ever had eyes for me. It's a total curse because I just don't want to feel jealous. I've spoken to her about it, and I've told her it made me jealous, and she told me all sorts of things to reassure me, but I don't want to rely on reassurance, I just do not want to be jealous. I really have no right to be either- when I was travelling, I slept with 25 women. She has expressed a little jealousy, but not the same amount that I have.
I really don't want to be jealous and insecure, I'm actually incredibly confident and laid back. I just want to evolve passed this.
I know that I'm the best sex she's ever had. I know that she cares about me more than anyone else, and I know that I have a great girl, who enriches my life massively, and I hers. But, I want to know that if none of the above things were true, I could still see her and not be jealous about it.
Sorry if that was very long-winded, but can anybody help me here? I really want to grow out of these juvenile insecurities and jealousies.
Thank you.
I'm new to the forum but I've been meaning to join for a while, so hello everyone
I've always believed in Polyamory, and I am currently in a polyamorous relationship with a great girl, but I am, unfortunately, struggling to overcome certain jealousies, or more realistically, feelings of inadequacy.
To give you some background, I was in a straight-laced, very vanilla relationship for 3 and a half years, with a lovely girl- But I was bored. I got into the relationship young, as you do, and never ended it because the girl never gave me reason to. The fact was though, that the whole time I wanted to be Polyamorous (I never cheated on her, don't worry), not just for the freedom to sleep with other people, but to be free of mutual dependence in a relationship, because I always wanted to travel.
When I finally got the balls to end things with this girl, I slept around a little bit, and then ended up in a casual, polyamorous relationship with a girl I met. She's an awesome girl, loads of fun, very intelligent, and like me, believes in Polyamory. We saw each other for about 8 months casually before I began travelling. I spent nine months travelling, in which time we both slept with other people, but maintained contact (though we did not go into detail about who we'd slept with). When I came back, we resumed seeing eachother, and I am really enjoying it, and she is too.
Since my return, we talked about people we slept with whilst I was away. She slept with 4 guys and 1 girl. There's just one thing- One of these experiences was a threesome (two girls, one guy), which is something we had always wanted to do but never got around to.
I knew she'd sleep with other guys whilst I was away, and it has never made me jealous, but the fact she had a threesome actually really does. I hate that it makes me jealous, because I am not a naturally jealous person.
Unfortunately, I am still quite young, and when you're raised with 'traditional' values of monogamy and such, it is hard to evolve passed the concept of ownership we place on people. I also attribute part of my jealousy to the fact that my ex-girlfriend was so totally dedicated to me that she would do almost anything I said, and only ever had eyes for me. It's a total curse because I just don't want to feel jealous. I've spoken to her about it, and I've told her it made me jealous, and she told me all sorts of things to reassure me, but I don't want to rely on reassurance, I just do not want to be jealous. I really have no right to be either- when I was travelling, I slept with 25 women. She has expressed a little jealousy, but not the same amount that I have.
I really don't want to be jealous and insecure, I'm actually incredibly confident and laid back. I just want to evolve passed this.
I know that I'm the best sex she's ever had. I know that she cares about me more than anyone else, and I know that I have a great girl, who enriches my life massively, and I hers. But, I want to know that if none of the above things were true, I could still see her and not be jealous about it.
Sorry if that was very long-winded, but can anybody help me here? I really want to grow out of these juvenile insecurities and jealousies.
Thank you.