I don't know if it was moving into the spare room, or just enough time passing, or I've just gotten my ass beat so bad, but, I'm getting numb to the pain.
I totaly get the frustration about the cheating, and I certainly do not consider it acceptable to pin it on poly. I don't believe that's what this community is about at all.
Its interesting how much one person can put up with. Maybe I should be pushing harder for my needs to be met in my life. Fuck the going at the pace of the one who is struggling the most. Why bother when we can push each other to the brink and they still stay. After all, some people practice poly this way. Who am I to say. I guess I just offer what I have worked towards and have been sustainable with. Who says anyone wants sustainability anyways. Maybe people like to abuse and mistreat others to get their needs met and maybe some don't mind all that much being treated like that? Maybe my idea of mistreatment is different than others and in some circumstances the kind of treatment your wife has given you AC is perfectly accepted and normal.
I don't think it's normal at all, I constatntly ask myself how could she hurt me like this if she loves me. On the same token, I love her enough to allow it. I'm certainly strong enough to take the punches, with the help of friends and mentors such as all of you, keeping me mentally in balance (ish?). I do love her enough to be totally commited to her happiness at the sake of my own. On the same note, how can I stop her from discovering who she is, doesn't she need to do that both for herself, and for us? I still don't know if I'll stay, but I do know I'll try for as long as I can. It will and has changed us forever, but, maybe I can live with the change. Only time will tell.
The two of them are sooo pathetic at hiding their infidelity, neither listens when I point out their errors. I guess they just chaulk it up to me being bitter, don't know. Last night his wife and I talked for about an hour about her relationship with him, his cheating, her not wearing her ring, him sleeping on couch. I could only act as a friend with the restriction of protecting my wife. I gave hard, honest advice like that I would give any good friend, just, obviously excluding the wife sleeping with hubby stuff. Well, his wife can see from his behaviour he's still cheating on her, she ran through the wierdness of his schedule for the last few weeks day by day, and she was about 90% right on track.
They are being so sloppy its like they want to get caught. I warned them both that I thought a mutual friend was onto them a few weeks back, she also has it bad for him. Well, last night this friend confronted my wife that she saw them together Sunday and she knows. Their lack of discretion is boardline pyschotic.
I think I'm just at self preservation breaking point, I love my wife, and will love her in everyway I can, when permitted to. I now have a pretty clear picture in my head that shes going to fuck who she wants when she wants. Problem is, she's never had a one-night stand, I'm pretty confident that shes fallen in love with everyone shes ever fucked. I've gotta shut off the pain it causes, live my life, and enjoy her when/while I can, and hope for the best. Some middle ground, some sort of peace in my heart, mind, and body.