PurpleSun
New member
So, I haven't been here in awhile, but it's for a good reason. I went back to school for another degree. I'm 36, so that means having to interact with a lot of traditional age college students. However, I am an unmarried, childfree lesbian, so I tend to fit in better than say, someone my age who has settled down and had kids. I joined a couple of student organizations. I've really gotten into my groove, and even made the Dean's List.
Anyway, in late October, someone from one of those orgs messaged me the following: "I know this is super straight forward and probably totally inappropriate, but I find you super attractive." I messaged her back, since it would be awkward at the next org meeting if I didn't. We started talking, and eventually sort of casually dating - starting with just making out and the like, then it kind of escalated. Before I know it, we're exchanging Christmas presents and she's hanging out at my apartment with my cat. Now, I told her right away that I am poly, and that for me, this is as much an orientation as my being gay, and that it won't change.
It turns out, she seems to be one of those mono people who came into all of this thinking she could change me, even though I've repeatedly said that I won't. She's shifted to wanting to learn more about poly, but anytime I mention older women or my poly friends, she gets defensive. She's only 20, so I know that a lot of these shortcomings are simply her age and lack of maturity. But I can't even talk to her about that, or even MENTION the age difference without her getting defensive. Anytime the subject comes up, she pretty much insinuates that she's attempting to hang on to this "just the two of us" scenario as long as possible. Most recently, a week ago, she said, " I hope you aren't looking at this being a problem anytime soon."
The problem here is not breaking up; I am one of those people who believes that when something isn't working, it just isn't working, and that we don't owe people a relationship. However, I could see this girl being the type to get all bitter and go trashing me in the org and around campus if I dump her. She's already explicitly said she'd be really hurt if I broke up with her over "assumptions" rather than giving her a chance. The thing is, I HAVE given her a chance. It's been 2 months, and I already see a million blinking red stop lights here. But, I also don't want her making my life miserable if I dump her. I have to be at this school for another 2 years to get my degree. Luckily, she only has 3 semesters left, but still, in college life, that can be a lifetime.
So, should I string this out? After all, the sex is great, I don't have anyone else in the wings, and it's not like I'm miserable or anything. However, I don't want it to blow up in my face, either. I like her as a person, but deep down I know she isn't going to be a long term partner, and she truly is not okay with the whole polyamory thing, and certainly doesn't really fully understand it.
Anyway, in late October, someone from one of those orgs messaged me the following: "I know this is super straight forward and probably totally inappropriate, but I find you super attractive." I messaged her back, since it would be awkward at the next org meeting if I didn't. We started talking, and eventually sort of casually dating - starting with just making out and the like, then it kind of escalated. Before I know it, we're exchanging Christmas presents and she's hanging out at my apartment with my cat. Now, I told her right away that I am poly, and that for me, this is as much an orientation as my being gay, and that it won't change.
It turns out, she seems to be one of those mono people who came into all of this thinking she could change me, even though I've repeatedly said that I won't. She's shifted to wanting to learn more about poly, but anytime I mention older women or my poly friends, she gets defensive. She's only 20, so I know that a lot of these shortcomings are simply her age and lack of maturity. But I can't even talk to her about that, or even MENTION the age difference without her getting defensive. Anytime the subject comes up, she pretty much insinuates that she's attempting to hang on to this "just the two of us" scenario as long as possible. Most recently, a week ago, she said, " I hope you aren't looking at this being a problem anytime soon."
The problem here is not breaking up; I am one of those people who believes that when something isn't working, it just isn't working, and that we don't owe people a relationship. However, I could see this girl being the type to get all bitter and go trashing me in the org and around campus if I dump her. She's already explicitly said she'd be really hurt if I broke up with her over "assumptions" rather than giving her a chance. The thing is, I HAVE given her a chance. It's been 2 months, and I already see a million blinking red stop lights here. But, I also don't want her making my life miserable if I dump her. I have to be at this school for another 2 years to get my degree. Luckily, she only has 3 semesters left, but still, in college life, that can be a lifetime.
So, should I string this out? After all, the sex is great, I don't have anyone else in the wings, and it's not like I'm miserable or anything. However, I don't want it to blow up in my face, either. I like her as a person, but deep down I know she isn't going to be a long term partner, and she truly is not okay with the whole polyamory thing, and certainly doesn't really fully understand it.