Penis size and sexual enjoyment.

saevuscorvax

New member
Hello everyone.

I am a long time lurker, posting for the first time. I have a question, but first some context.

I am involved in a primary relationship with a woman, and we both have secondarys as well.

For X or Y reason, recently, we have both spent a lot more time with our secondaries.

This week we set it aside to reconnect with each other. However, we came across a problem.

Her secondary is VERY well endowed. From what I understand, the term "Monster" can be applied. I am average.

This is not a question of insecurity. We already got past that.

The problem is, since they have been spending a lot more time recently, thus sleeping together a lot more, she is very stretched out. VERY.

To the point that when we tried to make love, we had a hard time feeling each other. It was a very hurtful experience. We both ended up crying and unsure of what to do.

Now, the physical aspect is simple enough. She just needs to not sleep with him for a while to get back to her normal size. Not a big deal.

However, it has left us with a deep emotional scar. We have had a hard time reconnecting since then, and it has been a struggle to be comfortable with any physicality.

On my end, of course, I am somewhat apprehensive to be inside her again, for fear of not being able to please her. She feels the same towards me.

Any advice on how to proceed with this? Obviously she will continue her secondary relationship, and I fully support this - I just don't know what the best way for us to proceed will be.

Thank you in advance for anything you might have to say. This forum has been a fantastic source of information for a while now.
 
Kegel exercises.

She tones up her muscles and will be able to accomodate each of you without issue.
 
Hey Saevu,

Not to be blunt, but there's a lot more to sex than peni/vag penetration.
Are ALL openings that stretched ? :)
Autumnal hit one tool for helping there. In the meantime, there's lots of things to explore and enjoy. Open your mind. Get creative. It's all fun and the possibilities are almost endless.

GS
 
How odd. Call me cynical, but I again sense someone with a cuckolding fetish. ("Oh her lover is so huge, I am so small and inadequate!" It's a humiliation thing.)

Womens' vaginas are made to expand and contract to accommodate anything from a finger/tampon to a 10 pound baby. I've had plenty of sex with multiple partners in the same week, from a thick 8 or 9 incher down to a medium thickness 4 1/2 incher... with no difference in my vagina being able to expand or contract to envelope either size penis comfortably and erotically.

Vaginas don't "stretch." If they did, my 10'2" firstborn would've made it impossible for me to keep a tampon in post-pregnancy! I find frequent sex/masturbation keeps my vaginal muscles so toned, I don't need to do Kegels. I can get tight enough when I cum to pull a condom right off! I need to be careful sometimes, heh.
 
It doesn't have any of the characteristics of spam, other than the title. But it is odd to see something like this as someone's very first post. They usually introduce themselves and THEN talk about their penis(es) in another thread.

So, OP, are you for real, or are you messing with us? Answer, pls.
 
so how about don't see him as much and or factor time in after she does see him where you don't have sex. Personally I think buddy would be on his own f it were me... sorry, no pussy for you kind of thing. Maybe I could give in other ways.

That would really be alarming. I can totally see how this would be a very painfully emotional issue. Let us know if she gets back to the original size?

:confused:
 
Wow. This is not a cuckolding situation. It is not a matter of physical satisfaction. Some kegel exercise routines and she should be able to have as much sex as she wants, with either of us, without a problem.

It is the emotional wound that has a problem. We are having a really hard time reconnecting with each other. It has left us very tender. We are usually excellent communicators, but our attempts to talk this one out so far haven't worked.

The hurt is coming from the physical inability to please one another. We are both very sexual, physical communicators, so it is almost as if our tongues have been cut out.

Right now the only thing I can think of is let time heal. Spend some time apart. Let us both sort of regroup before approaching each other again - unless anyone has any suggestions on how to go about the conversation.

Thanks
 
What about something other than penis/vag? I can think of LOTS of satisfying things to do with other body parts and/or inanimate objects ...
 
Gosh, vanilla heteros... :rolleyes: :p


deep kissing
breast play
hand jobs
blow jobs
pussy eating
fingering
vaginal fisting
anal sex
dildos
vibrators
butt plugs
anal beads
sharing porn
spanking
dirty talk
sexting


There are also some intercourse positions which make the vagina tighter, such as her keeping her legs together and you straddling her while inserting your penis... If she really can't recover from a penis maybe one inch thicker than yours (length shouldn't matter), she should see her gyno.
 
Wow.

You guys are missing the point. Again, this is not about sex. I am fully aware of the wide range of possibilities.

This is about a deeply hurtful, EMOTIONAL moment. It struck deep with both of us when we were most intimate, and has been very hard to shake off.
 
What can we do to help you with your problem? You seem to have a good grasp on communication with your wife. That is what we would normally tell you to work on; but you already know that. Are you here to just vent your story? This is posted in the discussion-thread section. If you just want to write about your journey, not discuss or debate a topic, then you would do better by starting a thread in Life Stories and Blogs.

I just re-read your other posts, and the only thing I can suggest is a sex-therapist (alternative-friendly of course). You're not jealous, you're not threatened, you're not fixated on PIV sex, you tried your usual communication style, etc. etc. still not getting better and you're in a rut. That's what therapists are for - when you know you have a problem and you need help changing your approach to it.

Also, why not invite your wife and/or her other partner over here, and maybe they can give folks another angle to this situation?
 
The hurt is coming from the physical inability to please one another. We are both very sexual, physical communicators, so it is almost as if our tongues have been cut out.

This is why alternatives are being suggested. Not because we don't get it, but because you're saying you can't fix the hurt if you can't be physically intimate (in your usual penis/vag way). We are suggesting other ways to be physically intimate.
 
Right now the only thing I can think of is let time heal. Spend some time apart. Let us both sort of regroup before approaching each other again
More time apart seems, to me, to be the opposite of what you need.

I would suggest renegotiating your schedules so that you are not apart for longer, but together longer. Give a break to the amount of time spent with your other lovers ("secondaries") and rebuild your connection. Then very carefully divide your time so it isn't out of balance or left to be too undefined where your connection could become less solid. Perhaps spend lots of naked, sexy time together, but let the sexual tension build more by prolonging actually "doing it" (give each other sensual massages, etc.). If, after a while, you are not feeling as connected as you once were, maybe it is time to move on OR stop thinking of the relationship as "primary."
 
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Sex doesn't stay the same forever, if for no other reason than we change as we age. You have the choice to languish in the past and the specifics of how it used to be so pleasurable this or that way, or you can discover new possibilities for having fun sexy times together.

As for healing the emotional pain from an unexpected turn... how does one heal any emotional wound? Time, love, empathy, caring, support, sharing, and the desire to heal.
 
Well, the way I look at it is this: If the universe is constantly exapanding, that would include penises and vaginas too.

All part of the Big Bang, I suppose.
 
Having an incompatable penis and vagina would be extremely sad for me. I get where you are coming from with respect to the emotional disconnect. Not being able to experience the connection I do with "satisfying" vaginal intercourse...especially because she is being bored out by a massive dick... would make me loose all interest in sharing intimacy I would imagine. I'm all or nothing unless there is a medical reason besides massive stretching.


Good luck....I'll sit back and wait for the flames now ;)
 
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