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Old 04-24-2012, 01:11 PM
Vanilla Vanilla is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Finland
Posts: 9
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But when you're in a good mood, you DO cuddle our cats and sometimes even seem to enjoy it. That gives me some kind of hope

It doesn't bother me if you text me 4664838785 times per day, I just hadn't realized it bothers you if I don't always answer.

Rory, I don't think it's unhealthy self-hate, but more like "I didn't realize my behaviour hurts you and I feel sorry for that." I think BU's "our disagreements went like this: "I feel bad when you do x". "OMG, you are so right, I'm a horrible person for doing x". Lots of crying and embracing ensues 0_o." was really overestimated example, or at least that's not how I feel our disagreements usually are. But I think it's normal to feel bad when you realize you've hurt someone you love. This is where people mostly seem to disagree with me; I find it okay to apologise even when I have done something wrong accidentally or without knowing it's not right. Like, I do apologise if I accidentally drop my friend's glass and break it or something like that. People mostly seem to think you can apologise only something you have done consciously, and I just find it weird.

I find it confusing how many of you seem to have really clear opinions about how things are and what would be the best thing for us to do, like, you two really need to move away from each other and you absolutely have to stop seeing other people and I am definately bad to BU in every possible way and so on. I mean, good advice is always welcome, but how could anyone else know for sure, what's best for us? My friends whom I know irl and most of them know BU too, are amazingly supportive and telling us there's nothing we couldn't fix, but have you concidered about doing this or could it be good for you to do that? (except Rory, I really appreciate your way of expressing your opinions and suggestions in this way, thank you! It makes me feel sooooo much easier to think about stuff instead of just going furious. )

I'm sorry, I just become really defensive when anyone tries to tell me straigtly what to do and you HAVE to do like this and that and act like someone could know better for sure. But, of course I can be wrong too. Anyway, I really find it the worst idea ever for BU to move away, 'cause I'm absolutely sure we can fix things easier ways and too radical reactions would just make things worse. Ans BU's mom really, really hates me for unknown reasons and is ashamed of her daughter living with another woman, so if BU now moves there feeling confused and messed up, I'm pretty sure her mom would try her best to manipulate against us, which she tries to do even when things are okay. I can't see that being anyhow helpful with our situation.
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