redpepper
Active member
Hate on for poly post. Please take with a grain of salt. Just venting.
I saw Leo and his wife today for the first time in over a year. Mono and I happened to bump into them while we were eating lunch with a couple of my clients at a local mall. The wife went off to the bathroom and Leo was left talking to us. I sat back and took my lead from him, which didn't really amount to anything. I realized it might look like I didn't want to talk to him. Mono gave him a hug, so I decided to see if he wanted one from me too. He did.
They chatted. I sat behind Mono, nervously drinking my coffee and not knowing where to look. I managed to stutter out something to do with the vacation they were going on. After a time, the wife came back and hugged Mono also. I sat back again to see if there were an indication that she wanted one from me also. There was none, only the utterance of "Hello." Mono chatted with them both for a bit while I sat behind him. Whey they said their goodbyes to him, I got a nod and a "Bye."
I'm not sure what to make of it now. Mostly I felt bad that they had to see me and interact at all with me. I am reminded of how I was invited out of their lives and asked to fuck off, essentially. I was wishing I could become very small and run away so that I could indulge them in that request. If the situation had been different, I probably would've turned around and walked away, to help them (and me) avoid the situation. I am in no position to rise to the occasion of trying to fix anything right now. I have nothing to give.
I have heard rumors around the community of who they spend time with, who she is dating. This has meant that he has been on my mind for some time. I don't have anything to say, really, but I'm done with the silence also. It's a tricky thing. I have heard that there is not always the best stuff said about me by them (no details, just indications of attitude), but I trust that people will make up their own minds. They will experience what they experience and that is always going to be different than what I experience. No one is asking me, anyway, so I am off the hook as far as being put on the spot for giving out info on them.
I largely keep to myself. I don't spend time with anyone but my chosen family these days. So there is no one around me that wants to know what I think about things, anyway. There are a good number of people that are glad I am not around. It makes me feel rather content to know that I don't exist in people's minds, for the most part. As long as I don't find out I am missing or going to miss out on something I might like to do, I could stay this way for a very long time. Everyone is moving on and I am just going to hover here while they do.
I am content to sit on my bed and play video games right now. It's just way too complicated to be involved with anyone or in anything. Simple is best right now. That means scaling poly back to a relationship with myself. I am monogamous with myself. I have a hate on for poly at the moment. and a hate on for anything that keeps me from time to myself.
I am pretty sure that monogamy was built on the backs of some very hurt and damaged individuals who thought it best to just buckle down to taking in the crops from the fields, rather than dealing with the bullshit that comes along with having to deal with many partners and the responsibility that comes with that. Monogamy seems easier. Who needs all this relationship/communication bullshit anyway? Viva monogamy!
Really, I think that many poly people are only poly to stay in their marriages because of the kids, house, car, debts. Really, I think many people are better off divorced and moving on to another mono relationship, as I highly doubt that many people (including myself) can handle the pain that poly inflicts.
I also think that many poly people are in it because they can't find someone who will commit to them. Or they fear commitment themselves. Why not have lots of people to do this with rather than one? Then you will be too busy to notice.
Somehow it seems that self-indulgence means no one gets hurt. Not fully connecting with others and not being completely vulnerable means that distance keeps a person from getting hurt.
Same with the sex-- just keep it unemotional. Keep people at arm's length, have fun and everyone will be okay.
Funny, the hurt comes just the same anyway.
Really, it's all irrelevant because life just sucks the life out of you sometimes.
Man, am I burnt out! And premenstrual.
I saw Leo and his wife today for the first time in over a year. Mono and I happened to bump into them while we were eating lunch with a couple of my clients at a local mall. The wife went off to the bathroom and Leo was left talking to us. I sat back and took my lead from him, which didn't really amount to anything. I realized it might look like I didn't want to talk to him. Mono gave him a hug, so I decided to see if he wanted one from me too. He did.
They chatted. I sat behind Mono, nervously drinking my coffee and not knowing where to look. I managed to stutter out something to do with the vacation they were going on. After a time, the wife came back and hugged Mono also. I sat back again to see if there were an indication that she wanted one from me also. There was none, only the utterance of "Hello." Mono chatted with them both for a bit while I sat behind him. Whey they said their goodbyes to him, I got a nod and a "Bye."
I'm not sure what to make of it now. Mostly I felt bad that they had to see me and interact at all with me. I am reminded of how I was invited out of their lives and asked to fuck off, essentially. I was wishing I could become very small and run away so that I could indulge them in that request. If the situation had been different, I probably would've turned around and walked away, to help them (and me) avoid the situation. I am in no position to rise to the occasion of trying to fix anything right now. I have nothing to give.
I have heard rumors around the community of who they spend time with, who she is dating. This has meant that he has been on my mind for some time. I don't have anything to say, really, but I'm done with the silence also. It's a tricky thing. I have heard that there is not always the best stuff said about me by them (no details, just indications of attitude), but I trust that people will make up their own minds. They will experience what they experience and that is always going to be different than what I experience. No one is asking me, anyway, so I am off the hook as far as being put on the spot for giving out info on them.
I largely keep to myself. I don't spend time with anyone but my chosen family these days. So there is no one around me that wants to know what I think about things, anyway. There are a good number of people that are glad I am not around. It makes me feel rather content to know that I don't exist in people's minds, for the most part. As long as I don't find out I am missing or going to miss out on something I might like to do, I could stay this way for a very long time. Everyone is moving on and I am just going to hover here while they do.
I am content to sit on my bed and play video games right now. It's just way too complicated to be involved with anyone or in anything. Simple is best right now. That means scaling poly back to a relationship with myself. I am monogamous with myself. I have a hate on for poly at the moment. and a hate on for anything that keeps me from time to myself.
I am pretty sure that monogamy was built on the backs of some very hurt and damaged individuals who thought it best to just buckle down to taking in the crops from the fields, rather than dealing with the bullshit that comes along with having to deal with many partners and the responsibility that comes with that. Monogamy seems easier. Who needs all this relationship/communication bullshit anyway? Viva monogamy!
Really, I think that many poly people are only poly to stay in their marriages because of the kids, house, car, debts. Really, I think many people are better off divorced and moving on to another mono relationship, as I highly doubt that many people (including myself) can handle the pain that poly inflicts.
I also think that many poly people are in it because they can't find someone who will commit to them. Or they fear commitment themselves. Why not have lots of people to do this with rather than one? Then you will be too busy to notice.
Somehow it seems that self-indulgence means no one gets hurt. Not fully connecting with others and not being completely vulnerable means that distance keeps a person from getting hurt.
Same with the sex-- just keep it unemotional. Keep people at arm's length, have fun and everyone will be okay.
Funny, the hurt comes just the same anyway.
Really, it's all irrelevant because life just sucks the life out of you sometimes.
Man, am I burnt out! And premenstrual.
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