MsEmotional
Member
I have another pondering to share with anyone who is interested....
It has long been said that women fear emotional infidelity whereas men fear sexual infidelity.
If this is true, and assuming that fears around infidelity would have the same roots as fears/jealousy within non-monogamous relationships, I would think that I (as a woman-identified person) would have more to fear from my partners becoming emotionally involved with other people than from my partners becoming sexually involved with other people.
And yet, I don't. I actually feel the exact opposite. All of my jealousy triggers are related to my partners being sexually involved with other people. Additionally, I am most likely to experience compersion when my partners express emotional satisfaction from a connection with someone else.
Questions this raises for me:
1. Are jealousy triggers fundamentally different from infidelity fears? (In other words, is it too simplistic of me to have assumed that the population-level studies around jealousy about infidelity would extend to jealousy amongst non-monogamous folks?)
2. Is the "women are more triggered by emotional infidelity and men are more triggered by sexual infidelity" statement even true? I remember reading about this way back in college, but I wonder if more recent studies would come to the same conclusions. Especially since we've come such a long way in understanding gender identity.
3. I wonder if those studies looked at non-hetero couples and, if not, how those patterns play out in same-sex relationships. In other words, IF it is true that women on average are more triggered by emotional infidelity, is that due to something in their nature as women, or is it due to something in the nature of being in a relationship with men? Do women/men who have relationships with both men and women experience the same jealousy triggers with both "types" of partners?
What are your thoughts and experiences and observations? Do you think there are gender-based differences in how people experience jealousy? Do they apply to you personally? Do you observe differences in jealousy patterns amongst non-mono people versus mono people?
As always, I might not be expressing myself clearly. Feel free to ask for clarification.
It has long been said that women fear emotional infidelity whereas men fear sexual infidelity.
If this is true, and assuming that fears around infidelity would have the same roots as fears/jealousy within non-monogamous relationships, I would think that I (as a woman-identified person) would have more to fear from my partners becoming emotionally involved with other people than from my partners becoming sexually involved with other people.
And yet, I don't. I actually feel the exact opposite. All of my jealousy triggers are related to my partners being sexually involved with other people. Additionally, I am most likely to experience compersion when my partners express emotional satisfaction from a connection with someone else.
Questions this raises for me:
1. Are jealousy triggers fundamentally different from infidelity fears? (In other words, is it too simplistic of me to have assumed that the population-level studies around jealousy about infidelity would extend to jealousy amongst non-monogamous folks?)
2. Is the "women are more triggered by emotional infidelity and men are more triggered by sexual infidelity" statement even true? I remember reading about this way back in college, but I wonder if more recent studies would come to the same conclusions. Especially since we've come such a long way in understanding gender identity.
3. I wonder if those studies looked at non-hetero couples and, if not, how those patterns play out in same-sex relationships. In other words, IF it is true that women on average are more triggered by emotional infidelity, is that due to something in their nature as women, or is it due to something in the nature of being in a relationship with men? Do women/men who have relationships with both men and women experience the same jealousy triggers with both "types" of partners?
What are your thoughts and experiences and observations? Do you think there are gender-based differences in how people experience jealousy? Do they apply to you personally? Do you observe differences in jealousy patterns amongst non-mono people versus mono people?
As always, I might not be expressing myself clearly. Feel free to ask for clarification.