its not a case of me wanting M more than montianboy,
i dont' love him more, but i do love him
i can have any other man on the planet that wants me, but i am in love with M, and i tried to cut him out i managed no contact for a year and it drove me mad,
i realised that i cant do it, i can't even explain why i can't do it but i just cant it hurts me too much,
i am prepared that i may lose montianboy,
i don't want to lose him, but i understand that i might
i do have faith that we can work through this
M is not a bad person he like me made a mistake, regrets it and is willing to do whatever it takes to regain montianboys trust, but i do not begrudge montianboy his feelings, because the mistake we made was so bad that we deserve those feelings,
i seem unable to change how i feel about M
so i have to try something diffrent even if it means i lose montianboy,
Jools
Sounds like you have your head on straight, and you know what you need to do for YOUR personal happiness. I really do wish you guys - all three of you - the best. I don't envy your situation. I ache for ya'll.