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Old 07-01-2020, 04:04 AM
Dandelionkisses Dandelionkisses is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2020
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Default Polyamory in the time of COVID19

Hi all!

Long time lurker, first time poster. Iíve been polyamorous for the last 8 years, currently in a 6 year long relationship with a non-nesting partner (Sunflower) who lives with his wife (Snapdragon). Snapdragon has a long term non-nesting partner (Foxglove) of about 8 years. We all live within a few minutes walking distance from each other in 3 households. There are 5 children under 12 between the four of us adults, with mine and Foxgloveís from prior relationships.

We all spend a great deal of time together and things have gone quite smoothly over the years. People would describe us as kitchen table poly. We share a lot of meals, childcare, vacations, etc. Sunflower and Snapdragon spend about 60% of their time together and about 40% with their other partners (me and Foxglove). Iím really the only one of the group who has regularly dated outside our polycule over the years. Prior to COVID 19, I was very happy to live on my own and have the full autonomy to date and socialize as much or as little as I wanted.

Fast forward to our new pandemic world... I find that these last few months have been really really hard. Our polycule has become 1 ďgerm podĒ with no other outside contacts. Iím finding that now that Iím alone a lot in the evenings (and lonely!) Iíve been rethinking this whole thing....Like actually considering trying to find a monogamous relationship! This is not something I ever thought I would contemplate again.

At the beginning, I kept myself optimistic and thought that it would be a rough couple of months and then weíd get this whole thing under control and things would go back to normal. Now that it is looking like things will not be going back to ďnormalĒ anytime soon, Iím feeling like I canít imagine continuing on like this with no end in sight. We are spending more time all together as a group which can be nice at times but also can feel taxing. I really just want to cozy up with my partner alone. But obviously, he has a whole other partner who wants his time too, so not really a possibility.

For me, itís been a combination of loneliness, not loving spending extra time with my metamour (I like her in smaller doses), and wanting to feel like Iím someoneís priority in the way a nesting relationship might. I canít really go out and look for a new nesting partner while continuing my relationship with Sunflower as this would put my whole pod at risk during the pandemic. I also cannot imagine ending my wonderful partnership with Sunflower. Itís not easy to find someone you are super compatible with even under the best circumstances. So, Iím not doing anything right now.....just sitting with these feelings Iím having.

I guess Iím just wondering... is anyone else having these kinds of thoughts? Is the pandemic affecting your polyamorous relationships in a way that makes you want to jump ship? Iím not really asking for advice on my situation per se but Iím curious how other poly folx are faring during this new strange world? Has it made you look at your relationship(s) through a new lens? Has it made you want something different? Iím especially interested to hear from all of you who are NOT in a nesting situation right now.
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