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Old 06-29-2020, 06:43 PM
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ToniO ToniO is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Helsinki
Posts: 3

Hello Daisy! My situation is somewhat the same as yours. My partner and I have quite considerably different salaries. It can sometimes be complicated as well, and we don't live in a poly-household like you. So I definitely can understand where you come from. Before I met my current partner, I thought these finance questions were somehow insignificant, but now I realize they really are not. It can really put a strain on relationships.

I suppose all relationships, monogamous or non-monogamous, all have to work and decide their finances individually. Just between monogamous relationships there are considerable differences in terms of how this topic is managed. Some couples share everything, while others keep finances completely separate. In the end, I suppose there is no right, or simple, answer to this.

I think that the style and situation of a relationship probably gives some general guidelines on how this topic is dealt with on average. Some poly relationships have just two person under one roof, and others live elsewhere. On the other hand, in some cases more than two people live in the same household, and perhaps are all romantically involved with each other. The more established a relationship is, I think the more finances are shared.

I'm not sure if you already mentioned if A and B are romantically involved with one another. If not, I guess it makes sharing finances a little less common. In any case, you all live together so I think a good idea is at least to balance out the bigger 'normal' expenses in life, such as housing, food and so on. That's what we do as well, as I pay much greater portion of our expenses.

Can B be forced to pay more than A on these expenses? No. But as I said, all relationships have to decide their own position on this. If household members would have considerably different salaries, but wouldn't balance it out in any way, I think I would find living in that kind of relationship quite uncomfortable as well. Households, indeed families, are usually there to support one another.

I agree with what was written earlier that you shouldn't feel bad about trips with your other partner. In the end, quality of the relationship isn't defined by how well off you are anyway. Whilst in my current relationship our income difference is bigger than in any of my previous relationships, I'm happier than ever.

I guess what I want to say with this rant is that don't feel bad about spending more money with the other partner but do talk about finances as well and if you should somehow balance out the bigger expenses.

Thank you for this interesting topic. Looking forward to more opinions.

Best, Toni
Poly-ish swinger. Living in an open relationship. Choosing to promote sex positive life in a sex negative world. 31. Helsinki, Finland.

I vlog about my life in an open relationship on 3-way Theory YouTube channel. My girlfriend MissK writes her experiences on our blog at

Current favourite song: Xavier Rudd - Spirit bird
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