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Old 06-29-2020, 04:38 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 2,245

Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
I guess the first thing you have to do is, ask yourself, is Partner A worth having around, even if they don't contribute much in the way of work or money. What qualities does Partner A have that do make them worth having around? Do those qualities make up for their lack of ambition? This is something you have to decide. Because I don't think Partner A is going to change. They are always going to be lazy (with an income to match).

I would advise against marrying (perhaps even living with or staying with) someone with the expectation that they are going to change. People can (and do) grow and change - but that has to come from within themselves (and, largely, FOR themselves).

My boys are both lazy slackers (with incomes to match) but I love them and they take care of me in ways that I appreciate. This is not to say that I donít sometimes get angry and frustrated when things donít get done - I do. But I also recognize that this is a situation that I have chosen for myself. (We do not have children, or my choices would likely have looked very different.)

I earn the income and take care of all of the finances (bills, savings, planning) and they take care of literally everything else (except my laundry, I do that myself, since I do need clothes to wear to work! ). If they donít do it, then it doesnít get done - which can make me grouchy, but I am sure as hell not going to do it myself. If I want to go on vacation and take one or both of them, then I do (I tell them what I want, they do the planning and the legwork and I make sure we have the funds to cover it.)

That all being said, I agree with the other posters are saying with regards to A wanting to travel too. If he really wanted to, he could work on improving his financial situation and paying his own way or tighten his belt and save up. (If the boys want to take a trip that I am not a part of then they have to save up and pay for it out of their ďfun moneyĒ - which means giving up other things, or come up with a gig to generate some cash.)

Just my two cents.


Afterthought: It occurs to me that there are times that I do volunteer to treat metamours (or even just friends), usually this is for a concert or other event in the city that we have bought extra tickets for. Often we will want to go out to a nice restaurant or bar and since we invited them to come with us, we will treat - because spending time with them makes the outing more enjoyable for us and I donít want people to feel pressured to spend money that they canít afford.

In turn those same people often invite us over for dinner or gatherings at their homes (pre-COVID) which is something we DONíT do.
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-always-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (27+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (9+ yrs)
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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