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Old 06-26-2020, 09:20 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 7,827
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Quote:
My worry is that since I’ve been with partner A for so long and they are my fiancÚ, they will want to close the relationship if they see too much of an imbalance or if they start becoming depressed.
And they can do that -- request to close.

And you can answer honestly "No, I don't want to close"

Or if willing... "I'm willing to partly close and not date NEW people. But the people already here? I'm not ending it with them."


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I wouldn’t put up with them asking me to close, but it’s not a point I want to reach.
Well, that point is not here, so don't worry about it at this time.



Quote:
A has asked once if they could come along on a trip and I said we couldn’t afford it, but I would ask B If they’d be willing to splurge. Unfortunately B got a little annoyed and said they couldn’t afford to take another adult to Europe, but a smaller trip in the future would be ok.
That was nice of B.

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B already contributes lots of money to the household in the form of groceries and B gives A pretty expensive bday and Christmas gifts.
Ok.

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I feel THINK like A wants me to push harder to get and to invite them along, but I just can’t stomach it.
You think that A wants you to push.

But you could be thinking wrong, and A hasn't actually asked you to do anything of the sort from the sound of it.

So why are you thinking things that stress you out? You do not have to "mind reader" A.

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I guess not everything has to be equal, but partner A has started to feeL bad when I’m in trips. They can’t sleep, cry sometimes, and feel bad in general.
That's on partner A. It's not your job to rescue A from all their feelings. Maybe if they feel yucky they will change their mind about improving their job situation. Maybe not.

You don't sound like you are being MEAN to A. Partner A simple is adjusting to the fact that they don't get to vacation with B like you do.

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If I could afford to bring A along, I would offer on occasion, but I just can’t.
Well, you mentioned studying and changing jobs in the future. Maybe you can offer later down. No point in banging head on wall because you cannot do it RIGHT NOW.

Again, you are not being MEAN to A. You all just have to live within your means. That's Life for all people.


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It just seems that what makes B happy (travel With me) ends up making A unhappy and feel bad about themselves.
Then it's on A not to be comparing.

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Just tired of feeling guilty... I guess I shouldn’t though.
No, you shouldn't.

You are not doing anything horrible to A by enjoying your time spent with B doing whatever activities. You make space for both. You don't rub it in A's face that you do fancy things with B. Or whine "how come you don't take me out like that?" or whatever.

Cut yourself a break.

Let Partner A deal with their own emotional maangement.

I get that it is uncomfortable to watch a partner struggle. You might hold space for them and listen or reassure.

But it isn't your job to FIX anything. YKWIM?

Galagirl
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