Plus, when I get to the end of the list of things I like about myself and I see "my boobs" I always laugh. Funny and 100% true! They are awesome! Haha It makes for a good way to start my day.
The party story really makes me sort of feel on the side of your guy, because he was trying to say, "See? Things are fun, everything's okay in the world, no need to be upset!" He was trying to share his happiness with you, and your own insecurities overlooked that meaning.
I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, you already feel that, but you need to understand that HE'S not making you jealous. Neither is his crush. YOU are making yourself jealous.
But knowing how uncomfortable I still am with the situation why go ahead and do something that it's clear I'm not going to be okay with at this point? It seems selfish to me and like it disregards my feelings and what I am comfortable with right now. It's somewhat provoking, is it not? I am making an effort to transition our relationship into something that he will be more comfortable with, while he's running out to cuddle with people all night, knowing I am home alone, upset and ignorant of what's happening at this party.
Listen, this whole party thing didn't even make me mad, we didn't fight or anything about it. It made me upset, mostly because I felt like he was putting me and my feelings aside in favor of his own pleasure before he knew I was ready to be okay with him cuddling, kissing, etc. with other women. Kind of just felt like, okay whatever, this is what I want to do and I don't care that you're most likely not okay with it.
This helped. It's incredibly easy to forget something as simple as that when you're so busy tearing yourself down.
I've actually heard this quite a few times before (and always immediately thought, what bs!), but after I read your post I decided to give it a go and started my own lists. It's amazing how much my psyche was fighting back. For every thing I wrote that I like it asked, "but what do you hate?" And, "is that *really* something worth liking about yourself? Really?" For every thing I'm good at it countered with, "you're not really that good at it. And you know what you're really bad at? This:_________ and this __________ and this _______." Yikes!
Once I started getting into the lists and was in the habit of telling that bitch in my head to shut up, I started feeling much better about myself and much more calm. So, thank you.
I would like to thank all of you who had replied to my original post for helping me to understand...everything. I would especially like to thank Bookbug for the suggestion of writing out the lists of things I like about myself and things I do well. It was incredibly difficult at first, but I am now very rarely berating myself in my head and I believe it shows in my day to day life.
Yikes! It felt so good to talk to him yesterday and so good to be able to write this today!
I'm sorry that the gf broke it off, but it sounds like you are working through things and perhaps the situation is not irreparable.
And I'm ecstatic to hear you'r not giving your self bad messages any longer, and when they do creep in you stomp them out! Way to go!
I am also curious to know if anyone has advice as to what should be done in the future in regards to this girl and her bf, who we really would like to be involved in our life (even if only as friends)
Easy. No contact. Cut them loose; she's toxic and he's willing to stay with toxic, so his judgment can't be that great. You and your bf work on your relationship, and if someone healthier comes along for either of you, great!
She actually told him, "it's alright if you two break up. You can have me," essentially throwing herself at him. From what he said she was a bit more explicit about it.
. . .
But, Tesla, he said, she's poly so that she can avoid all this drama in relationships! Unfortunately, her actions in no way correlate to that desire (imo).