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Old 07-21-2014, 11:58 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

While I understand your feeling that your bf (and perhaps husband) may be giving you the vibe that you should not date others, I think you also need to consider the..., the depth of the relationships you seek.

Right now, you have two very deep and smooth relationships with your husband and bf. You might be able to add a FWB without affecting the depth of those two relationships, but if you go adding a 3rd with the same expectation of depth, time is a limiting factor. You may actually ending up sacrificing the depth and smoothness you currently share with your two primary partners for that 3rd relationship. There is no way you can add another partner and not affect the other two - just because of the time factor.

I mean suppose your husband and bf both support you having others, that is still no assurance that the relationships will not suffer due to time constraints. You go from spending 3 days a week with each to 2 days a week with husband, bf, and new partner. So the equation becomes how much time is necessary to maintain the depth and smoothness you enjoy now?

I ask these questions not out of concern that your partners might suffer, but out of concern that YOU might be cheating yourself of the depth and smoothness you now have. Sometimes, it is difficult to see that we may want to choose to limit ourselves when we feel others are trying to make the choice for us.

Only you know the answer.
-Me: 51, female, relationship anarchist
-The Philosopher: semi-LDR, 44, male - my intellectual twin; relationship anarchist.
-Intellectual Elf, 27, female, the Philosopher's LDR
-Polkadot, 36, dating the Philosopher
-Wiseman, 68, male, solo-poly, my budding LDR
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