MusicalRose
Member
Thanks guys. I've used forums for over five years, so it is taking me off guard that I've seen a few new ones here. I will refer to that topic for future ones if I remember.
Are you also insinuating that people choose what they are attracted to and that if they somehow aren't attracted to everything under the sun then they are being discriminatory?
Discriminatory, probably not. Somewhat brainwashed by our culture, certainly. No, no one is required to be attracted to "everything under the sun," but our choices are probably sent in certain pathways early on by our culture. Either the mega culture or a micro culture, perhaps.
The reason I asked this question is because I've read (I think it was on Reddit) that some trans people take umbrage and feel objectified when someone admits they have a "preference" for trans/genderqueer/hermaphrodite/androgynous people. That thread was linked-to from somewhere, and I'm not particularly fond of slogging through Reddit (especially on the iPod), so I thought it was appropriate to bring it up in this thread. I was asking with a specific intent in mind, and I failed to mention that in my previous post.
I was told that specifically liking trans people was very transphobic, because if you weren't transphobic then you wouldn't even make a difference between trans and non-trans people, and therefore you would be unable to be attracted to one group more than the other.
A bisexual man I know explained it to me as this:
Bisexual means two-- you like biological men and women.
Pansexual means a gamut--you like men, women, and anything in between. I.e., androgynous, transgendered, intersex, etc etc.
So he says he identified as bisexual and not pansexual because he "likes his men very much manly and his women very much womanly". (His words, not mine.)
So that's what I've been assuming since.
Okay, so I am curious. I had written in another thread that I am not attracted to bisexual men. I had admitted that, even if there is some initial attraction to a guy, it goes away when I find out he is bi. I said that I think it has something to do with what I consider masculine, and I prefer only to be involved sexually with masculine straight men.
After that, someone PM'd me to tell me (very respectfully) that what I was talking about is homophobia. I feel that I am not homophobic, as I have no qualms or problems working with, living with, or socializing with bisexual or gay people -- I just don't want to hookup with a bi man. The idea of being sexual with a bi man turns me off, I admit it. So, I asked this person, "When is it a phobia and when is it simply a preference?" But then we never followed through with our conversation, so it is still something I wonder about.
Even if it turns out that I do have some form of homophobia, however, does the logic then also follow that I should have sex with a bi man to get over it? I'm not being facetious; I am sincerely asking.
And why must it be that my heterosexuality is a result of societal brainwashing and not simply my preference and the identity with which I am comfortable? Is every straight person actually considered unenlightened, close-minded, and conformist, as if we made the wrong choice against what we really, really want because we do not ID as gay, bi-, pan-, or whatever other choices are out there?
I was interested in the answer because I have heard/read the same thing. I was told that specifically liking trans people was very transphobic, because if you weren't transphobic then you wouldn't even make a difference between trans and non-trans people, and therefore you would be unable to be attracted to one group more than the other.
Not a problem with bi guys though, since they'd still be interested in women (although probably not in me.
I'm not sure at what point something is a fetish and at what point it's a preference. If you're plus-size and the person is only attracted to plus-size people, is it really that different from being female and the person being only attracted to females? Neither has anything to do with who you are as a person, they're just chemical attraction based.
Conversations about what is or isn't transphobic are very hard to follow for me. I'm female. I have a female body. I have a mind. My mind isn't female.
Anyways, my point is that, I'm not trying to be obtuse here, when being confused about the things that offend you, Magdlyn. I simply can't understand them. My sexual/physical attraction to people is entirely based on the way they look and smell and feel to the touch. My intellectual/emotional attraction is based on who they are as a person. They are two completely independent things. I cannot translate liking someone as a person and a close friend into being sexually attracted to them if they don't "click" for me. Which I can't imagine happening if they have a vagina.
And that's probably the part that was offensive about your sentence. Your either/or option was date them or throw up/beat them up. What if you say "I'm so sorry, I care a lot about you, but we're just sexually incompatible, it would never work"
Why don't you think certain bi guys would be interested in you?
Chemical attraction based? Or maybe some kind of conditioning. The old nature vs nurture argument.
Actually, if you're a woman in your body and feel like a woman in your brain, you do have a female brain.
Despite having a boy's body, her body language, voice inflections, interests, desire for long hair, clothing choices, etc., were always so feminine. She looked around, saw that women in our cluture plucked their eyebrows, shaved their legs and painted their nails, and she started doing it. She had a desire to shop for cute girl clothes and when her parents went to thrift stores, she wanted to shop for housewares, not tools. She pierced her ears and started carrying a purse and buying girl jeans. Her parents were constantly complimented on what a cute little girl they had. Her parents would correct those people, and also tell miss pixi she was a boy... she grew up extremely confused. EXTREMELY.
Actually I addressed other options in a further post. I guess you didnt see it.
I have a related question. What do you call a person who identifies as androgynous, but is only attracted to one gender?
You might ID as gender fluid or gender queer. And you're sounding hetero in your sexual preference in partners.
There are 2 different issues. Identity and sexual preference.