Two People, One Username

opalescent

Active member
I see a fair number of couples who set up a single username for the forum and then both, or sometimes just one, post under that name.

For the couples out there who decided to do this, why set up your username that way? Why not separate usernames? Does it work well for you? Have you had any conflicts? Do you consider the username to represent the couple as an distinct entity?
 
We have no policy against it, as we can't verify that any supposed individual's postings are not the result of a group effort of bored teenagers in Siberia. I think it's slightly dysfunctional, myself, as I have a strong bias in favor of distinct independence in relationships. I'm interested in hearing as to why anybody would do that sort of thing, though.
 
I have no wish to ban one username for multiple users, even if that was practical. I do find it personally odd - why wouldn't an individual want their own account? - but it happens often enough that I was curious about the reasons why.
 
I think for a lot of couples starting out and just being naturally wary of where things are going it might be best for THEM even if it's confusing for us.
 
There may be a number of reasons for it.

1> One partner may not be too computer savvy and would never log into something alone.

2> One partners usage may be so minimal that it doesn't justify them having to manage yet ANOTHER username & pwd.

3> Not everyone really is into all this online identity stuff. It's superfluous to them. More than happy to throw out the rare comment on another ID.

Stuff like this - I'm sure theres many more reasons
 
My partner doesn't post on this forum, but when we first started dating, we joined a number of sites as a couple. I think for some couples just getting started in poly, it is scary to think externally from their relationship. I think most couples who succeed in being poly for an extended period of time eventually develop a sense of sense within their relationship, but I think especially for newbies it is easier to be seen as a unit.
 
I'm the only one that posts under my username. I told my fiance he should join the forum because I'm gaining a lot of insight from it, and that would save me from having to read him every single thing I find that I think is applicable or interesting to me/us.
 
One couple, one account

We are new, and have been told that having one account can be detrimental, but this is how we handle every group we belong to.

We choose to have one account for many reasons. Primarily because it is pointless to have multiple accounts and having to parse messages back and forth constantly. We are a unit. One couple, and hopefully eventually, one group. Romantically we are one person. We are not looking for other partners individually. We don't want multiple relationships or flings. We want one cohesive relationship of multiple people. So it is only reasonable that we present ourselves as a couple looking to add more, and not as individuals looking for our own partners.

This is not meant to condemn anyone who has a different opinion, differences are what make the world good. This is just our personal philosophy and desire.
 
I agree that it's confusing. Unless both people are consistently logging in at the same time and only using the pronoun "we" then it's effectively two people using one identity.

I'm quite sure the couples who do this do not share driver's licenses, social insurance numbers, or passports. Their pay cheques are not made out to "Mr. and Mrs. Johnson"

If they're logging in one at a time, and posting at some times as one person and other times as the other person, they really ought to get their own accounts.

If they have their own reasons for using the same account, then as a courtesy to the rest of us, it would be useful to prefix their posts with "John speaking" or "Jane speaking" to avoid the confusion without losing their convenience.
 
My husband and I have one username because we do everything together, so he is gonna read every post I make and visa versa. He is unlikely to post anything simply because he will leave that to me but should he do so, I will make sure he has stated it is him who is posting so as not to confuse. :D
 
This topic has come up before and as a mod it is better for us if one account belongs to one person. If we have infractions to give out then it is better to do so for one person rather than for two when one of the two is not to blame. We have seen many couples fight on here and it is less confusing when there are two accounts. We have had couples share accounts that they fight on and its just a nightmare... I know, you guys would never fight :rolleyes:

I respectfully ask that people do not create accounts together.... other sites forbid it on the grounds that it makes things difficult for the mods... if you insist then please at least say who is talking.

As a long time poster on here I am less likely to engage with two people on one account. It makes me uneasy that I don't know who I am talking to. I would be less likely to choose to be friends with people who share an account because I can't guarantee who I am talking too. I would be less likely to support them, give them advice or acknowledge them because I find it creepy and co-dependent. Poly to me is about individuals not creating the borg. That's just me though. ;)
 
This topic has come up before and as a mod it is better for us if one account belongs to one person. If we have infractions to give out then it is better to do so for one person rather than for two when one of the two is not to blame. We have seen many couples fight on here and it is less confusing when there are two accounts. We have had couples share accounts that they fight on and its just a nightmare... I know, you guys would never fight :rolleyes:

I respectfully ask that people do not create accounts together.... other sites forbid it on the grounds that it makes things difficult for the mods... if you insist then please at least say who is talking.

As a long time poster on here I am less likely to engage with two people on one account. It makes me uneasy that I don't know who I am talking to. I would be less likely to choose to be friends with people who share an account because I can't guarantee who I am talking too. I would be less likely to support them, give them advice or acknowledge them because I find it creepy and co-dependent. Poly to me is about individuals not creating the borg. That's just me though. ;)
Agree!
 
If we have infractions to give out then it is better to do so for one person rather than for two when one of the two is not to blame.

Yeah, well, everybody using the account is responsible for its use. If one person wants rewarded with a ban for trolling or flaming or something, all of them are responsible. They all get to share the ban.

I respectfully ask that people do not create accounts together.... other sites forbid it on the grounds that it makes things difficult for the mods... if you insist then please at least say who is talking.

For those interested, it's now suggested in the guidelines to avoid sharing accounts. We are also considering whether we want to require separate accounts.

As a long time poster on here I am less likely to engage with two people on one account. It makes me uneasy that I don't know who I am talking to. I would be less likely to choose to be friends with people who share an account because I can't guarantee who I am talking too. I would be less likely to support them, give them advice or acknowledge them because I find it creepy and co-dependent.)

I suspect there are many who share these sentiments.
 
I think requiring it could be a little touchy, but I'm not opposed to it.

I see nothing objectionable with a couple creating an account together, always sitting at the computer together when they use it, and always speaking in the first person plural. The codependency of such a relationship is another issue, but frankly none of my business.

However, I think it would be good to rule that if people are going to write any posts in the first person singular, then they must create their own account. It's up to them if they share the password, only use one account for following threads, and then just hop onto the other account to post a reply as the other partner.

It comes down to this: using the same account may be easier for the two people, but it makes it harder for everyone else. It presents a roadblock to effective communication. It wastes our time trying to figure out who's talking instead of focusing on a response. In the extreme, it can lead to people getting fed up and just ignoring these users rather than trying to help them.
 
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