Cuddling With Friends - & Non-sexual Intimacy

I wasn't thinking of you when I said that, so I hope you didn't think I meant it that way.

No, I didn't. I just like to talk, ya see.:)

You are very clear about what you want. But I was thinking about people I've known who have hidden behind an "innocent" activity when they really didn't want to own up to their true agenda that had sex or seduction at the core of it.

Oh, yeah, that. And it can be conscious or unconscious activity, too. I was saying I looked deeply and I don't think I'm fooling myself.:p

Seems to me a lot of folks unconsciously or semi-consciously seek what they think is sexual intimacy, but which is really a "score" in a game of making up for a lack of self-worth / self-esteem. Those gotta be looked out for, too. They cannot give what a guy like me wants and/or needs.: genuine innocent affection and warmth. It would be pseudo-cuddlers playing such a game some of the time, I'll bet.
 
Yeah, Cindie, remember that guy G I had a few dates (?) with that cuddled the heck out of me, massaged me all over for an hour with our shirts off til we were both fully aroused, did a booty dance, and then backed off from any sexual touching? That was an insanity of mixed messages.
 
Yeah, Cindie, remember that guy G I had a few dates (?) with that cuddled the heck out of me, massaged me all over for an hour with our shirts off til we were both fully aroused, did a booty dance, and then backed off from any sexual touching? That was an insanity of mixed messages.

Oh yes, and then he tried to make it all your fault for thinking it would go further, as if what he did had nothing to do with it.
 
Rather amazingly, I got to share some cuddle time with my "straight" friend, Russell, yesterday evening! (I put "straight" in quotes, because he said this morning that he doesn't
consider himself straight... or gay, or bi. He's heterosexual but also biamorous. He loves to be loved by -- and love -- men, including cuddles. He has no interest in sex with men.)

Russell and I cuddled once before, years and years ago. Somehow that fact came up in conversation yesterday evening, and Russell said something that suggested he wouldn't mind doing that again, and so I said "Come on baby!" and made room for him in this big
bowl shaped chair thingy he has. And we held and caressed one another. It was quite delicious and wonderful! He even gave me little pecks on my upper arms ... did he peck my neck? Don't remember for sure, but it was all so very welcome and joyous and tender.

Later we talked about how the culture is so F-ed up and frowns on such a simple pleasurable kind of sharing... and that sort of thing. I told him he can drop in on me for cuddles whenever he wants them.

I'm just about astonished at how the Mystery is showering me with gifts these days! I'm getting very, very happy! I'm a happy camper!
 
When I read/hear about these organized cuddle parties that ask for $40 I feel it is an aberration of something that was very special to me.
ya that totally makes sense. That's too bad. I suppose for those who don't have access to touch of any kind, or need more would be in luck. This is why we cuddle our clients. A lot of them were in institutions where they were not touched. Its part of my job description as I see it ;)
 
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Romantic Friendship

In victorian times this was very common actually! They called it "romantic friendship." Google it. There are some good articles on it.

Right around the time my best friend and I declared our attraction to eachother, we would sit and just hold hands, stroke eachother's backs, or brush eachother's hair while watching a movie. At that time we were not yet sexually involved, but it sure turned into that pretty quickly! She and I "click" on a very deep level and so it seemed very natural. However, I cannot imagine doing that with any of my other friends. I guess if I felt a deep connection with them though, it could happen.
 
Non sexual loving energy is very important to me I must say. Within my very close circle of good friends - we hug and cuddle without restraint. There are couples in the group...and that pretty much means nothing when we are together..

I'm just as likely to fall asleep cuddled up to my darling teresa (and both of us are straight) as I am to her partner..
If I go to the opera with her partner, who I also love...I will cuddle up against him and we will hold hands throughout..

We all had a weekend away together recently - 7 adults and my child...and it was cuddle after cuddle. No confusion on sexual energy what..so...ever...
I'm straight - I have girlfriends that stay overnight with me and sleep in my bed...we watch films together and fall asleep together...
Similarly my male friends will sleep in my bed when they stay...and we cuddle.

I don't find any of it confusing. I'm a big fan.
And aren't we all so different....a good thing :)
 
Wow, Bella, what a blessed existence you have! Your friends are obviously quite wonderfull people! Reading what you wrote brought a big smile on my face and in my heart. Rock on! (Except at the opera.)

My cuddly-friend, Russell, and I spent the evening together yesterday. We didn't cuddle, but we declared our love to one another and hugged several times. Lots of soulful eye contact and heartfull and soulfull talking. I love him so!

I, too, am very blessed. Overflowingly.
 
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It's growing more apparent to me that I'd like to have cuddle-friendly friends with whom I'm not sexually or "romantically" involved, but still quite close. I'm talking clothes on cuddling, mainly, though I could imagine naked cuddling as a real possibility.

Have you any cuddle-friends? Would you like to?

hi again River

as so often on these forums you share my mind as well as sharing our name :)

I have had cuddle friends, and would like many more. With some it is the case that there is some sexual attraction but no wish (for whatever reason) to act on that. With others, especially men(*), it is not about sex but about feelings of warmth, safety, security, and friendship.

I have had two cuddly friendships with women where we'd share a bed together on a snuggles and no sex basis; one of these had a sexual partner - if you'd count it as a V it was a very unsymmetrical one.

I have had many more huggy friendships, by which I mean one where we'd sometimes sit cuddled up, ie more than using hugs for hello and goodbye.

I have also had two sexual relationships which started like that and then we re-negotiated to sleep but no sex then later re-negotiated to sex. It is a very gentle, respectful, way into a sexual relationship, in my experience.

I describe myself as polyaffectionate as well as polyamorous to indicate the willingness to have close huggy feely partners as well as sexual partners.

In my experience (English culture) being polyaffectionate is even less accepted than being polyamorous: too many folk assume polyaffection is just a recruiting technique....


(*) one of the ways we differ, River, is that I can find men attractive yet never want to turn that into a sexual experience. In fact one of the ways I know I'm hettie is the not wanting to have sex with certain blokes that I can see are very attractive. I gather from your posts that it is different for you ;)
 
I'm reminded of my Sunday..

My female friend called to see what I was doing, and asked me to come over and hang out in bed with her and another close male friend of ours. There is no sexual or romantic relationships between any of us...but there is certainly LOVE :)

"Do you want to come over and hang out in bed with us ?"
"Well, I can think of no better way to spend a Sunday, see you in 20 minutes"

The three of us spent the entire day in bed watching films and snuggling up together...taking it in turns to make tea or bring food from the kitchen. We had the occasion card game...listened to music..we all fell asleep for about an hour.

I left 9 hours after I arrived, and it was one of the happiest days I can remember. I'm still glowing !
 
I can friend-cuddle, no problem.
My best male friend of 16 years,..we use to (before I moved) cuddle lots to watch movies, at bonfires, or after a night out. Never kissed or anything beyond that. We just did what felt natural,..cuddling, sitting close.

I wouldn`t be into the organized, arranged, or planned cuddling of any kind.
Half the charm to me, is in it being natural.

I now have a cuddler-with-benefits friend. I don`t think adding in sex, changed anything for our desire to cuddle as well. :)
 
I left 9 hours after I arrived, and it was one of the happiest days I can remember. I'm still glowing !

Such a beautiful story! How inspiring! Thank you! :):p

I'm making a very quick response, and there are others here I'd equally like to respond to. But those will have to wait, other than to say Thank You All!:) You've made my day.
 
I gather from your posts that it is different for you ;)

Yes, I'm both biamorous and bisexual. It's just how I am. I can't help myself! But I'm in a nearly ideal position to empathize with all kinds and flavors of people, for which I have endless gratitude. I'd not have a world without much, much difference. And I can totally relate, empathetically, with "straight" guys. I even pretended to be one for a long while. Well, for most of my youth.
 
I personally think it sounds lovely. I wish... my cuddle buddy (and FWB) moved and now I have no one to cuddle with. I used to go to Starbucks and sit on his lap for hours and talk. That was one of the nicest times in my life. I sure do miss it.

Here's how silly I am. I recently met someone and he gave me a hug to greet me and I wanted to stay hugging. But it was clear he was just being cordial because when he said goodbye he shook my hand. Now he texts me all the time but it seems he will not ever hug me again. Even when we go out for coffee or something... (love that Starbucks!!!!)
 
Sorry I've not really been following all of this thread and only read bits. I want to ask something, that may even need a thread of its own... But how do you meet these people who are up for cuddling close, without wanting it to go further than that?

I absolutely love cuddling and can't get enough of it, but I don't know anyone who would want that, without first thinking I wanted sex with them, or just going along with it because they wanted sex with me.
 
I absolutely love cuddling and can't get enough of it, but I don't know anyone who would want that, without first thinking I wanted sex with them, or just going along with it because they wanted sex with me.

Have you got some close friends? Ask among them whether they'd be okay / interested. I was happily surprised when one of my close friends was happy and willing.:)

I have but one cuddle buddy at the moment. But I'm open for more!

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showpost.php?p=88835&postcount=45
 
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Have you got some close friends? Ask among them whether they'd be okay / interested. I was happily surprised when one of my close friends was happy and willing.:)

I have but one cuddle buddy at the moment. But I'm open for more!

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showpost.php?p=88835&postcount=45
That's a lovely post in the link. =] I'm really not sure how I would really ask and certainly, I don't have a clue WHO I would ask. I think as most things, it would just come to me. But I've really not thought about it a lot. Some of my closest friends are male and I'm not sure that would be comfortable for me. I'm hetero too, but I'm not sure if I'm biamorous. Which is probably a good sign I'm not. Nearly all the females I'm closest to would frown upon that because either they are with someone or because I am.

I think I'll certainly have a talk with Cherry [my partner] at some point about this though. To at least open the door for it.
 
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