Love, Family, Friendship

R's girl lost the baby. I'm grieving for the loss of my "nephew" and wondering what this means for R and his relationships with his girl and with me.
 
Yule 2012

John and I decided to take a step back and focus on rebuilding our relationship. His anger issues were really starting to get to me an make me uncomfortable and generally sad.

So we decided I'd end things with V, so I invited him over, and he came with my yule present... a diamond watch from bulova and a diamond necklace.... John sent me a text telling me not to break up with him.

So we are going to try to make rebuilding us happen without ending things with V, because after a thoughtful gift "to remind me to make time for myself" that has such a large price tag, we couldn't end things now.
 
John and I had a long talk.
We are still working on building us but we loosened our restrictions on each other and we are just taking it day by day.

He has been really good with controlling his anger, so things are looking up!
 
Omg omg omg

So I just got off the phone with R.

He's going to come live with me for 6 months and try out a V with me and John.

His 6 months will start sometime between Feb and July depending on what his school does to him and when I can get out there to pick him up.

I'm so excited! And happy and I'm going nuts right now thinking about what this means and how we are going to make it work and so much on my mind, but I'm happy he said yes when I asked him to come out.

So now I have to figure out how to get him out here and when and so much other stuff, but we are going to have a real shot at this
 
John and I had a long talk about R coming out here and us being a V and everything, and at first we argued, but then we settled down and actually had a conversation about it.

John wants to wait until August when he gets back from his school that he has to go to.

I'm ok with that, it gives us time to get use to the baby being here and save to move and find a place that will let us have our big dog. This town is very anti big dog in rentals.

It also allows my and R to hammer out our relationship without putting pressure on R in any way.

I think this is going to work out nicely. I'm excited!
 
I feel like writing.

I talked to R about John's requirements some, and I'm going ot talk to him some more about it tonight. My goal is to not overwhelm him with restrictions or rules or even boundaries right now. There will be time to hammer out those things later.

John wants us out of this house, well thats not accurate, we can't live with R here, so we have to get out of this house, which we can't do until June, so we are going to pack everything up, go out to GA for a month and come back and find a place. All of us in a hotel room and the dog in a kennel will motivate me to find a place quick!

We have to save money - about $3000 I think, for the move. To cover hotel and down payments on the house and utilities. I'm going to save half our tax returns for that, and then some every month, which will be hard for me as I'm not a saver!

I've also got to have money for my mom to come out and help with the baby in April. And she wants to stop twice for hotel rooms instead of driving half way, so it will take her 3 days to get out here and $600 of my money. Twice. Since my dad wont pay half like he said he would a few months ago.

I'm kinda stressed about the money stuff since I just found out about my mom today and just after I spent another hundred on baby stuff. I know everything will be ok, but its still stressful for me.

I have to get serious about money stuffs, and get it ingrained in me. I think I'll talk to my counselor about it next week.

I also need to talk to her about R and R living out here and R and me having a relationship and what I need to do and how I should handle things. I love that our counselor is ok with us being poly. She sees how close we are and she really is amazed sometimes that it works for us, but she is never condescending or negative.

I'm giving back V's present to me. Not sure when, but I am, my counselor suggested it. She pointed out that it wasnt really appropriate for him to give me and it may have some hidden agenda or it may not but if it made me uncomfortable, then I should give it back.

I'm sick. Its really bothering me too. Hacking up my left lung (or is it my right) and feeling so much pain is getting to me.
 
Why give the watch back? He gave it to you, it's yours. You need money, sell it.

the thought had crossed my mind.

I could likely get quite a bit for it.

It sitting on my sink with my other jewelry is stressing me out I know that.
 
R says yes

So I told R that I needed assurance from him that him coming out here wasnt going to change at the drop of a hat, so I asked him to be my BF, long distance for now, so that if he changed his mind he could just break up with me and I wont feel the need to bug him about coming out here.

He said hes still working out the thing with his baby momma, but yes. I think he understands where I'm coming from at least.

So I'll update my siggy!
 
So I sold the watch, and found out it was a fake. If he knew, that pissed me off a little. I feel like he was trying to impress me, which I don't need. If he knew, which I'm not sure about, or even had an idea that it was a fake, then he tried to give me something that John never could. Not that I would allow John to spend that kind of money. If it was real, it would have been around a grand and now that I think about it, I know he didn't have that kind of money, so he had to know it was a fake. Damn it he could have bought me a Fossil. It would have mental as much and not looked like he was trying to impress me and it wouldn't have made me uncomfortable.
I have no idea what to do now. I don't want to tell him I sold it, but I do kinda want to confront him in his intentions. Or maybe we just need to break up. Something isn't right that's for sure. Either he's lying about what he wants from me, or he's very messed up, or something.
I just don't know!
 
I've also got to have money for my mom to come out and help with the baby in April. And she wants to stop twice for hotel rooms instead of driving half way, so it will take her 3 days to get out here and $600 of my money. Twice.

Gas, food and hotels for 6 days of driving is likely more expensive than one round trip plane ticket. Watch for deals and other airports! An airport an hour or two away, is still going to be less hassle than 6 days of driving. Around here any thing over an 8 hour drive (to a major city) is cheaper by plane if it's only one person and that doesn't require a hotel stay. I think you said your husband was military, check with family services and see what they might be able to offer in the way of help.
 
Gas, food and hotels for 6 days of driving is likely more expensive than one round trip plane ticket. Watch for deals and other airports! An airport an hour or two away, is still going to be less hassle than 6 days of driving. Around here any thing over an 8 hour drive (to a major city) is cheaper by plane if it's only one person and that doesn't require a hotel stay. I think you said your husband was military, check with family services and see what they might be able to offer in the way of help.

yeah, I know. She will be bringing my son and she instists on driving. Its really annoying to me, since Im sure she will get her and not want to drive around bc she hates traffic. It is cheaper for her to drive, since our son will be with her most likely, but its still annoying that she wont take a bus!
 
I don't know what to do. my counselor said I'm taking advantage of R. I don't want to do that, he says I'm not, but now I have it in my head that I have.

I'm holding back tears, I'm at work, I can't cry. Not over this.

We are talking about it now, but I know these kinds of conversations are hard on him.
 
I don't know what to do. my counselor said I'm taking advantage of R. I don't want to do that, he says I'm not, but now I have it in my head that I have.

I'm holding back tears, I'm at work, I can't cry. Not over this.

OK, your counselor called you on something you didn't realize you were doing and didn't intend to do or truly may not be doing. Step back, look at your situation. Ask your self, "Is it balanced?" Have there been times, where he has been the one taking more than he might be giving? Some people work in cycles. If you think you could make changes, do it.

It happens to all of us, it will be OK.
 
R and I talked, we are in limbo land.. not together but not apart either. We have never really needed labels though and I think he's happier that way.

We are doing everything I want with us as a couple, we just aren't officially together.

On a side note, John is starting his own blog, so now everyone gets to see both sides of the story :)
 
So yeah I started my blog I think this makes Jen happy, honestly the hardest thing I have ever done.
 
You're the two that I want
You're the two that I want
Some girls'll settle for just one
They don't know what they're missin' they ain't havin' any fun
You're the two that I want

Jane told Betty she saw me last night
She had her socks shocked off but she was tryin' to be polite
We were arm in arm in arm and that just didn't seem right
I was walkin' with my babies in my high heel shoes
Havin' so much fun I nearly lost my blues
You're the two that I want

He's a big strong boy he can bust out of chains
Says what he means he don't play no games
But you what you're missin' in muscle you make up for in brains
Between you two I got my two hands full
I got one to push and another one to pull
Two that I want

I can't believe this is happenin' to me
I'm just about as happy as a girl can be
With all this lovin' I feel wild and free
Maybe I should press my luck and try for three
 
We are members of the local UU community and moderately active in the UU Pagan group (they are working on becoming a CUPPS)
Thanks to this site, I discovered the UU has a poly group.
I decided I'm going to start a chapter here.... wish me luck!
 
Times they are a changing

So I think things with V are nearing their end, he hasnt contacted me in a week and a half, minus a "happy V-day" text. I'm giving him until Saturday, if he can't hold up his end of the "once a week" deal then I'm not getting my needs met and I've tried to voice them already, so it will be time to end things.

R and I are doing good, talking about once a week like we promised, and he's working things out on his end. I'm happy about that and we are planning to move to a place where he can live with us this fall.

I'm seeing a guy casually, he and his wife are poly. I see him about once a week right now, but I'd like it to be more honestly. I can do with once a week if its quality time, but occasionally it has been with John. He is busy, but he tries to make time for me and he is genuine and fun and WOAH NRE??!!??!!
 
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