AnotherConfused
New member
During my own recent holiday party tour I was reminded of one last year and I wondered what happened with the party you were planning to go to. How did it go? Big deal or no big deal?
You can't leave us hanging...
Oh, it was pretty much no big deal, so I didn't think it merited writing about. I offered to go alone or find another friend to go with, but my husband decided he wanted to go so he could play music. He had a good time, and it was a big crowd so there was no opportunity for drama. I danced just once with L.
When we did dance, L told me which women in the room he was interested in, which is something he's always done because we've been each other's confidantes for ages. Then it hit me that I can't be both lover and confidante. If we're intimate, I want his attention on me. And I'd rather keep what we've always had, that ability to talk to each other about anything. So between that and not wanting to alienate him from my family, I told him the intimacy just isn't worth it for me. At least for now. (I'm still really glad we gave it a try though, because now I don't have to wonder any more.) I told my husband that I really love having that door open but I don't necessarily want to go through it.
I also had my day with C in town, and we did go hiking and have a little coziness out there in the woods, and then some good hanging out with my kids. In talking to my husband the day or two before, he seemed to be pretty tense about having dinner together, so I offered to cancel or move it from our house to a restaurant, but in the end he said he was fine with it, as long as C and I didn't spend the afternoon cooking together as if we two were the hosts. It was a good evening, 6 adults in all, a chance for my husband to see that C was a decent guy, intelligent and interesting, but I get the idea neither of them particularly want to cross paths again, so I won't ask them to. (They'll both be at the same New Year's Eve dance, but in a big crowd.)
All in all everything feels pretty calm and smooth now. I feel really loved and really lucky. No idea where we are all going with this, but the present is happy.