Polysaturation?

I'm sorry. I guess I just don't see the point in taking a poll if there's no relatable information. Knowing other's bursting points doesn't tell you what's "normal" or really help work anything out about your own situation. At least to me. If it helps you, I hope you get what you need.

People ask lots of questions of which I don't see the point. If you don't want to participate, the polite response is to click the "back" button and ignore them. He specifically asked in the second person, not objectively, and he didn't say anything about "normal." He's just curious. Curiosity cannot be overrated. Anthropologists devote entire careers to asking questions about people that have no bearing on their own situation, but merely to gain knowledge.
 
I have two partners. I'm pretty busy with grad school, so I don't imagine I'd have much time for anyone else right now. Plus I'm very introverted and I love my alone time, so I don't really want to see other people. Actually, I guess more my meaning of "not having time" is that "being by myself" takes up a lot of my time...

Although, I think a summer fling might be fun. Gralson's back to working on the road, so we're back to phone calls and every other weekend. Auto's getting into Con season for the summer (Zoffee has a business selling geeky stuff online and at cons), so she'll be really busy too. So I wouldn't mind finding someone who's into camping and hiking and stuff, and get out of the city a bit more this year.
 
I currently have one live-in partner and one FWB. My ideal would be to have two "primary"-ish relationships (so my hubby and one more) that I spend multiple days a week with (2-3) and one "secondary"-ish with whom I would spend a day every week or every other - my current FWB definitely meets that desire so all I need to find is a boyfriend or girlfriend who wants to spend a couple of days a week with me. :D
 
In an ideal world, I'd have my husband, a serious girlfriend, and maybe another guy (the girlfriend's hubby?) who is a FWB for doing non-vanilla stuff. So far, I have the husband, and just had a promising first date with a guy.


At one point, in my early twenties, I was juggling relationships with two couples, one of which was my primary relationship, the other couple was my secondary relationship, plus I generally had a male of my own on the side. I did not have much time or energy for anything but being a lover. In fact, that's pretty much all I did.
 
While we're talking ideals, ideally I'd have M (my current partner) and one other gf who could be either kinky or not kinky. I have two extra rooms in my house so if they could contribute, they could even come live...when the timing was right.
 
for me, two with my current set up. My husband and bf are pretty equal and I spend so much time with them I couldn't sustain anymore. Perhaps a FWB would be nice, but it would have to be someone who didn't mind it would be very occasional and casual. Maybe three if I weren't so deeply involved with my boyfriend, I could see having my hubs and two more casual secondaries.but im happy with what I have now
 
I have two (equal) partners and one FWB that I see about once a month. I'm almost at my saturation point. I used to have three serious partners and back then I was definitely saturated. So maybe either two serious partners and two FWBs or three serious partners is my upper limit. But then again, it all depends how often you see them and how much you keep in contact.

I've been thinking about this subject recently, because I have a person in my life that I seem to be developing something with, but I don't think it can be anything more than FWB at the moment. I'm really weighing my capacity and whether it would be wise to start anything right now. But in the end I don't think I can really plan it, so we'll just see what happens.
 
I think three fairly involved relationships would be my limit. The nature of the relationship wouldn't make much difference to me, I think. It wouldn't matter to me if that was three FWB relationships, 1 primary, 2 secondary, 2 primary, 1 secondary, all equal - whatever. It comes down to available time and energy for me. I strongly prefer to meet partners in person at least every other week so I think that is the number I can manage with my current schedule. But, I have yet to test this.
 
I do find it an interesting topic too - I didn't really have an idea about what would polysaturate me before I found myself in a situation where it was an issue. It's also a topic of discussion because one of my partners said he thought his polysaturation rate was 2.5, two deep emotional and one more casual relationship, and from what I understand he has the two serious ones but is starting to date somebody else, and it just may be another serious one and I'm really keeping an eye out to see if this means downgrading our relationship time/attention wise.

Last year I had one marriage/live in partnership, one long term serious non entangled one date night a week relationship (which I figured couldn't go on for the rest of my life), and one new serious relationship which consisted of one weeknight and one all day long weekend date. I felt like I was at my limit for serious relationships. I was pleasantly full, but was open to having time to the right person for FWB, or a serious relationship if they had daytime hours free (I don't work, all partners work daytimes).

Then I went and met my metamour's partner and next thing I knew I had another deep relationship outside of business hours. There was a bunch of stressful and painful shuffling of priorities, because time wise I just couldn't maintain what I had and have more that was serious, and the new partner is really compatible as a friend as well as a partner, something lacking in my non-entangled relationship that I really craved.

I started seeing my non-entangled partner a bit less recently, and as we don't chat much via IM/email outside of dates, like I figured was likely the case, I am finding I can't maintain the strong emotional ties that way. So I am gauging my polysaturated level at either 3 serious relationship with perhaps one serious friend with very sporadic benefits, or 2 serious relationships with one or two FWB. I also know that I'd rather err on the side of less than more, because when things are stressful with one relationships, it impacts them all, and now I currently have 3 partners who are open to dating /just started dating people and all the incoming stimulus and change and uncertainty is more than I knew I wanted to get myself into, partners with full dance cards is my preference.

My husband and I have been having relationship things that make me feel less close to him for a whole year too, so while I am not 100% sure, I believe I won't feel stretched as thin if that stuff heals.

edit: My 3 time intensive relationship are feeling I am doing a good job being an attentive partner, and I think my non entangled partner thinks I am too, though there are still some awkward times acclimating when we see each other. It's fucking tiring sometimes though, and I am not finding I have as much time for introverted ME as I want. I am glad that going into the future I have a better idea what my limits are, although at this rate I don't think I can afford to even flirt with another human being lest I risk finding a serious relationship when I'm minding my own business.
 
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I have 2.5 partners.
Kip; I see once a week for a few hours.
Prof; 2 or more times a week, one mid week sleep over and some nights watching tv and hanging out.
And new partner hopefully will slot into alternate weekends, and the occasional mid-week. He is a full-time single dad, so has time constraints, as do I.
3 is definitely enough.
I like to see partner type people regularly, occasional FB, FWB or LD wouldn't work for me.
 
I have never reached polysaturation. I think it would depend on my partners and the kind of relationship that would work for them. I can see myself with 2 or 3 marriage-like relationships at once, but probably not more, however I can imagine having more partners if they're of a less involved kind, we don't live together, etc.
 
How about life saturation...

I have 2 partners, 1 best friend/metamour. We all live together with 3 of their kids and 1 of mine. I work full time...

I am just saturated. Any spare time I have I try to bike, hike, kayak, get the fuck out of the house and away from people... anything.. last thing on my mind is another romantic relationship.

Only thing I could take on is a casual fling.. I have 0 interest in, and 0 energy for another romantic relationship.

I try to put some of my life into things besides romance or relationships. Work is a 3rd of my life, sleep is a .. 3rdish of my life. The other 3rd can't be all about relationships. I need time for myself.. to find my zen.. to huck myself off of mountains and climb a tree.. Helps me keep my sanity to be a better me in my current relationships.
 
Currently with 2 live-in partners, a girlfriend we see several times a month for a few days at a time and some occasional FWB.

For me, live-in partners and FWBs fit my life best. The "girlfriend", who has her own place (with her husband), is new for me...requires scheduling and compromise, especially as she is also seeing my two live-in partners, so we have to schedule "alone" time as well.

2-3 "serious" interests seems to be a practical limit in terms of day-to-day time...but I would be open to more casual FWBs (where we get together once a month or less, as time provides).

A major limit for me - I don't really like anything other than FTF interactions - I don't do phone very well, although I can do a few txts a day as long as we aren't trying to have a real conversation. So any "occasional" person would have to be ok with long stretches without contact.

On the other hand I am, and always have been, completely satisfied with my life the way it is. Never "looking" but always "open" to new situations...things have a way of working themselves out...:rolleyes:

JaneQ

PS. It probably helps, scheduling-wise, that I don't have kids or too many "other friends" that are vying for my time. My work takes up the vast majority of my "not-home" time.
 
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A major limit for me - I don't really like anything other than FTF interactions - I don't do phone very well, although I can do a few txts a day as long as we aren't trying to have a real conversation. So any "occasional" person would have to be ok with long stretches without contact.

Ooo good point. I never thought of it that way, but I'm the same way. I get bored very quickly on the phone. Gralson and I speak daily when he's on the road, but usually it's me blathering on about nothing for 5 minutes until I've described everything I did that day, and then it's dead silence while neither of us can think of anything to say, until one of us puts us both out of our misery.

Auto and I send little update texts every now and then, usually if something interesting or annoying happens. We never talk on the phone. We have our best conversations in person.
 
Ooo good point. I never thought of it that way, but I'm the same way. I get bored very quickly on the phone. Gralson and I speak daily when he's on the road, but usually it's me blathering on about nothing for 5 minutes until I've described everything I did that day, and then it's dead silence while neither of us can think of anything to say, until one of us puts us both out of our misery.

Auto and I send little update texts every now and then, usually if something interesting or annoying happens. We never talk on the phone. We have our best conversations in person.
I'm also terrible with the phone. Not a fan of texting either. However, I LOVE emails. My triad with A and L (as well as my previous one-on-one relationship with A) thrives on emailing. We don't talk on the phone or do real-time chat. We all express ourselves best when we have time to organize our thoughts.

When I was long-distance with G, we used emails first, and then primarily used IM (sometimes video chat). I'm okay with IM, but I have to be very close to the person. I'd be totally comfortable chatting with A and L, but we're all pretty content with emails.

Of course, face-to-face would be ideal. But if that's not possible, I can be pretty happy with emailing and/or chatting, but definitely not phone.
 
Not much to add to the original topic: Chops is struggling to make time for himself, since he's pretty much scheduled 50% of his time with me and 50% with Xena, leaving 0% for himself. He's trying to pull some time here and there without making things difficult, and "Quality Time" girl over here (me) struggles with that when it would be one of our days together.

It's a work in progress - he's working on trying to do more for himself, and I'm trying to be less apprehensive about "losing time" with him. Friday night will test that...

I really just came here, though, to say I'm glad I'm not the only non-phone-talker. I talk with Chops, and once in a while my mom. Otherwise, I prefer non-phone interactions, even at work. Emails, texting, F2F... all MUCH more preferable to me. Glad it's not THAT uncommon a neurosis. ;)
 
I definitely prefer quality over quantity. I would rather have a partner take the time they need for themselves, so when they do see me, they're refreshed and feeling able to give more. If they aren't taking time for themself, then they'll be a drain on my own reserves, and that won't be a positive experience for any of us. The last thing I want, when someone is with me, is that they wish they were somewhere else.
 
I really just came here, though, to say I'm glad I'm not the only non-phone-talker. I talk with Chops, and once in a while my mom. Otherwise, I prefer non-phone interactions, even at work. Emails, texting, F2F... all MUCH more preferable to me. Glad it's not THAT uncommon a neurosis. ;)

M absolutely detests talking on the phone. If it's not a text or an email, it better be pretty insanely important. Phone calls are nigh unto emergencies for her. Or if she just really wants to make sure she gets through in a hurry. Personally, I'm texting a lot more than I did, but enjoy phone calls when appropriate.
 
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I hate phone calls as well. But unlike some of you, I also really dislike face to face. I'm most comfortable in IMs, then texts, then emails. After that, face to face and then phone.

Now, if I'm in a serious relationship with someone, chances are I'm comfortable enough with them to enjoy spending time face-to-face. But that will have required a lot of IM communication to get to that point.
 
I find that I can't really get to know someone through IM. I've met people after spending weeks talking to them online, and then at the first meeting I realize we're completely incompatible. For me, there's a certain energy that just doesn't translate to text. If that energy's not there, then there's nothing. I don't form that connection very easily, so I'm not at a high risk of polysursaturation...
 
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