first "real" date

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hersweetleaf

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we made plans to take our friend (we say friend because theres been no definition placed yet)

but I thought what better of a place to go when your in a new polyship, than Moroccan food. sitting together in close proximity, in the dark, on glorified beds, while you eat with your hands, and watch belly dancers work their magic. sounds like the perfect evening to me. Saturday cannot get here soon enough!

now, what do I wear!?
 
Sounds lovely. We have a place called Marrakesh that's about identical to what you're describing and we love it. Very intimate indeed... hope you have a great time!
 
Do you think it wise to go out all three? If you want to really foster a workable relationship than the best thing to do would be to start building a relationship with her as individuals because I can assure you one thing, this 'we'+ her stuff won't go anywhere.
 
Sounds lovely. We have a place called Marrakesh that's about identical to what you're describing and we love it. Very intimate indeed... hope you have a great time!

it is Marrakesh! there was a groupon, so I had to get it! lol.

weve been before and have had a great time and the food is awesome. belly dancers at 10! wooo
 
Do you think it wise to go out all three? If you want to really foster a workable relationship than the best thing to do would be to start building a relationship with her as individuals because I can assure you one thing, this 'we'+ her stuff won't go anywhere.

as of right now, we are only on a friend basis. we tend to move slow I guess. but we are not trying to rush into anything. for now it will be like this, and when it is clear that there is a relationship happening, then the one on one will happen more. I hope. =)
 
I'm agreeing on the we+, as a beginner, compared to the individual.

Here's an example out of my life. When AM and I started falling in love, I was really open with WI about it. We didn't go anywhere, because WI wasn't comfortable with it and we were slowly negotiating my poly life. I spent a ton of time traveling in the summer, just as AM and WI started getting to know each other better. They unexpectedly fell for each other and built their thing independently. When I got back, AM and I built our thing, as well. Now, we happen to have a grand old time when it's all three of us, together, too.

Independence can be difficult, at times, but done right, it's one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Compersion comes built in for all three of us - as long as each individual relationship is doing well, we're happy to see the other two together. NOT being happy with the other two together is a sign we use to measure if something is going wrong, an obvious and immediate check-in moment.
 
it is Marrakesh! there was a groupon, so I had to get it! lol.

weve been before and have had a great time and the food is awesome. belly dancers at 10! wooo


WOW what a small world. That's so funny cuz I looked at your location, saw "Seattle" and thought... naah it's gotta be somewhere else. And yes to belly dancers. Way to pick the perfect location for some intimacy in an already sensual environment. All the eating with your fingers, leaning in close... I know you will have a great time tonight.
 
WOW what a small world. That's so funny cuz I looked at your location, saw "Seattle" and thought... naah it's gotta be somewhere else. And yes to belly dancers. Way to pick the perfect location for some intimacy in an already sensual environment. All the eating with your fingers, leaning in close... I know you will have a great time tonight.

oh wow, that's awesome. I now just noticed the PNW on your profile.

it seems like a perfect place, but we will see. tends to be busy during the week. I haven't eaten all day so I can truly enjoy the food, dancers and the intimacy that I hope happens.

thanks, epsilonlyr. =)
 
review of first poly date

ok, I thought I would review our date last night.

she came over around 7, we talked and left to go to the restaurant. all was good, good convo in the car, everything was comfortable, and not awkward. until later...

we started our meal, and shes actually the one who brought up the situation we currently found ourselves in. she made it quite obvious that shes more comfortable with being with me, and not my husband. mostly for the fact that shes STILL with the "boyfriend" and shes not sure how she feels morally. but she could get there eventually...

the rest of the night was good, we stopped at a local dive bar to play some erotic photo hunt, and then headed back to our place to watch walking dead.

however, we never made it to the tv. (starting to sound good huh?) we get some drinks and head up to the bedroom. (getting soo juicy!) and we proceed to spend almost 4 hours in our bedroom...(and.!?!??)...talking. we all talked. it was a talk fest. just random shit. she left at almost 2am.

so at the end of the night, youd think I would have sat there and been like "that was a great date" but instead, I thought, I don't think its going to work out.

for lack of writing a novel and boring you all with annoying stuff (unless you want me to!), I will spare the events, and actions that made us think we should seek other options, and not to put all our eggs in this one basket(case).
 
Just wondering, why do you and yout husband both have to be sexually involved with the same woman? Did you know that you can have a girlfriend and he can also, two different people?
 
It sounds like you might benefit from looking at your expectations and see if perhaps you are being a bit unrealistic or unreasonable.

I am concerned that this previously amazing woman who appeared interested in pursuing a relationship with them is being cast as a "basket (case)" now?

I could be wrong and would appreciate some more information but it looks close to a woman falling off her pedestal because she was a broken Unicorn i.e. the fact that she admitted being more interested in the woman than the man and the fact that she has an ongoing sexual relationship with another man?
 
I dunno, I'd wait to hear what was talked about in the four hours before assuming anything about unicorn nature. Sounds like a lot of stories were told and they weren't the kind of person hersweetleaf is interested in. Just giving the benefit of the doubt here, people...
 
First off, yay Walking Dead! Ok, serious now...

Hmm, I hate how something can seem to be going so well, one gets their hopes up (sometimes more than they should... always in my case), but then the awkwardness sets in. The anxiety between parties involved... the "what if." Trying not to assume to much here, but I could see how she'd be hesitant if she already has someone in her life, she's got the potential you, and also considering your hubby as well. Thats' a lot of people for one person to handle, at least I would think. But it depends on the individual. Anyway, I was thinking about the same thing as scarletzinnia: perhaps she's more into you than your hubby. Would that be a deal-breaker?
 
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I have to ask...

What's erotic photo hunt? Is that a wacky Seattle thing? :)

hahahah. no its a video game kinda, where theres 2 pictures with 5 differences, you have to find the differences in the time given. theres regular photo hunt, but its not as fun as erotic (which is usually just super soft core ladies)
 
too many replies

ok, so as for the "basket case" reference, shes been previously admitted to a mental ward in the past, is taking meds off and on (currently off), and has wild mood swings. we personally haven't seen them, but her actions are indicative of mental instability. i have been in the same boat, and understand what comes with being with someone like that. its not easy, and it takes a lot more work than if being with someone that didn't have those problems. that's all i meant.

as for the deal breaker with her being with me, and not hubs. weve progressed so far with her, together, that we both have feelings for her. the way i took it was that shes not exactly into hubs, or attracted him, and i know he felt the same way because his aura changed. he was obviously upset, and rightfully so. shes alluded that she wants to be with both of us, but because of the boyfriend (more on that situation in a second) and it would take a while, which is normal and healthy i think. but yes, it wouldn't be an idyllic situation as we are a unit, and would feel weird dating separately, at least right now. if that's something we can talk about and get to at some point, then that's fine. but it will be something that we would have to process about.

now on to the boyfriend.
that night she was on her phone texting him through out our date night, and pretty much said that he was sleeping in her bed while she was out, so she went home to him, we go to bed, wake up entirely too early, and i see all these messages about how she broke up with her boyfriend, and that it wasn't us that caused it, but shes back and forth with it was a good decision, to it was a bad one breaking up with him. im not sure how we stand in this whole thing, of if she even thinks about us. the thing with her, shes sooooo hard to get to communicate, and i understand that, but i feel like were in the dark, and just some sort of in between fun time, she has when things aren't going right.


and yes, there was all these wonderful things about her, like fate led us to her, we knew the same people, same doctors, little things that were like, omg, i didn't know that, that's amazing. to the more we get to know her, the more we hear about random sexual acts, the boyfriend thing, her self esteem, a lot of little things are adding up to be a lot of turmoil for us. we never were seeking a "unicorn" and i freaking hate that term, we were looking for a fun time, and in turn found an amazing woman that needs some guidance, and love.

i really don't like it when people assume that our expectations are too high, and that what we want is unrealistic. we don't know what exactly we are looking for, this may or may not work out with this woman, but its been a learning experience, so we know what to do next time, or what not to do. and for that im thankful, but you can go off and tell someone they have all these unrealistic expectations when you don't know the situation, or the people. everyone is new to poly at some point in their life, this is ours.
 
Yes, it's quite common for newly open couples to consider themselves a "unit," and want to share a third for fun times.

Sorry she's not the right girl for you.
 
thanks, Magdlyn

hoping it works out one way or another. if not, theres other poly-wogs in the pond ;)
 
yayayayya!

I had to update!

we never watched walking dead the other day, remember we all were upstairs talking (yes, really talking!), so weve been antsy and didn't want to watch it without her because it became our thing to do.
so I sent her a message, saying we were planning on finally watching it tonight and if she wanted to join us.

she actually responded within 5 minutes with a YES! and asked what time. so now im frantically running around the house getting a messy mom, a messy toddler and a trashed house together and ready.

im kind of excited, and have a renewed sense of happiness, I hope it lasts.

so heres to spraying fabreeze all over the house, and myself!
 
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