MonoVCPHG
New member
Deja vu
I was going to write about how I have been feeling lately but then realized I already tackled the same feelings. Like a cold these thoughts affect me more in the morning and night; they keep me up late and wake me up early. Sorry for the self quoting folks. Don't worry RP, just a process I need to get on with so I can get over it and feel I should share that with our friends
I was going to write about how I have been feeling lately but then realized I already tackled the same feelings. Like a cold these thoughts affect me more in the morning and night; they keep me up late and wake me up early. Sorry for the self quoting folks. Don't worry RP, just a process I need to get on with so I can get over it and feel I should share that with our friends
I have constantly debated the unfairness of my boundaries and repeatedly looked at the options. I do this with a huge error in my approach to this. I debated this issue within myself with the perception that I know what Redpepper wants. I see her wanting co-habitation with her husband and me; each with our own space. I also see her expecting me to evolve and accept other men into her life with time. Whether that becomes reality is yet to be seen but the point of error is that I am making assumptions.
I don’t want to be in a fluid open relationship where I give myself totally to one person and they are open to bring other men into their lives. I admit that I actually don’t want this. Although I have somehow naturally taken to what we have and happy within our boundaries, I do not want to a partner who I can expect to share with other men.
I would rather fore go the physical intimacy of our relationship to nurture the friendship, which is beyond any I have ever had. Physical intimacy is the pinnacle of intimate communication for me but is still not worth risking the soul connection I feel with her.
So now I feel almost like a walking ultimatum. We all know that if someone gives you an ultimatum the choice should not be in his or her favour. So here I am. My mere boundaries feel like an ultimatum to me. I am so black and white in how I approach my boundaries I again feel like this is unfair. I have no give, no bending. I don’t feel it in me to compromise my need for this boundary because it is a path to not being myself. I just found myself and refuse to let that go. I in turn see this inability to compromise as being an infringement on Redpepper’s ability to be herself. And so the cycle continues within me and again it is in error because it does not actually factor in her desires.
Redpepper’s friendship is first. Our physical expression and the intimate expression of the love we have come second to me. She, as a friend, is more important than us, as a couple.