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Old 11-13-2013, 08:31 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,350

In a way, yes.
P and I started dating when I was separated from my ex. I lived with my ex through the divorce process, and finally bought a house and moved out 3 months after the divorce. I had never lived alone.

I think many of my initial codependency issues in my early relationship with P were "I don't know how to be alone" issues, and it was very tough to gain that independence while still trying to rely on him. We're still working that out (my wood stove posts in my blog are some pretty good recent meltdown moments - ugh), and we've been together two years now.

I do think that it would have been better for me, personally, if I had been single for some amount of time. It would have been HARDER, certainly (especially when the bathroom fell apart), but better for my own personal growth.

However, it can be done.
As long as you keep in mind your goal (that you want that independence), then you can work toward it, even if having another primary relationship makes it a bit more difficult. Key mindset I had to take away from it was that I need to learn to be me and fold my relationship into that, not allow my relationship to consume me.

As for bringing your BF around friends, I don't know what a good rule of thumb is. Before my divorce was final, I brought P to a brew-tasting event at my alma mater, so I may not be the best one to ask.

I don't do it perfectly, but I'm getting there.
If you have any specific questions, just let me know.
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Monogamish? Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 7 years.
Spinner: 53/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 48/F, Chops' partner of 7 years
Curls: 51/F, Chops' partner of 2 years

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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