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Old 09-11-2013, 06:10 PM
PaperGrace PaperGrace is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 75

There seems to be the assumption or comfort level that, if my partner falls in love with a Cowboy/Cowgirl, that my partner will not change (much), and will at some point end the relationship if the CB/CG persists in his/her want for monogamy.

What if that's not what happens? What if the partner that fell for the CB/CG remains poly, loves both, and will not not choose one love over the other?

I just finished reading a blog on this site and, while I would have originally answered the way most have here, I see another side now.

First off, most CB/CGs don't wear a sign identifying themselves, and may not even realize their need for monogamy going in. Love is often blinding.

Once the CB/CGs are in the relationship, they may not recognize their own need and voice it clearly. They may just start taking actions and trying to get needs met which they see as making them happier. That could cause some changes in the pre-existing relationship, as with any new relationship, but is probably still fine.

When the request for more (that is never enough) doesn't result in what the CB/CG wants - their vision of a stable, happy, monogamous relationship with their new love - they will likely remain unhappy and escalate their requests and intrusions into the other relationship. Thus the moniker of Cowboy/Cowgirl.

While my partner would still love me and be with me, if he also loves and maintains a relationship with a CB/CG, it would likely radically change how my partner and I relate, and not for the better.

I would sincerely hope that would not happen, but I've read how it has with well-meaning, intelligent people. <sigh> I would certainly care a lot if any of that happened. Is it preventable? Is love preventable?

Last edited by PaperGrace; 09-11-2013 at 06:55 PM. Reason: Changed "cannot" to "will not"
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