Is this an ongoing thing or is she new to this? I've heard this as an initial reaction when being introduce to poly and it changing with a little encouragement. For me personally it would be a deal breaker. I don't live half lives or double lives. It's all inclusive.
This is the woman who you don't trust to use condoms, so I can see why you are skeptical about her in general. Usually, just the fact that she doesn't want to "be friends" is not a "red-flag" in and of itself, but I sense from the tone of your other posts that you have a bad gut feeling about this. I don't know you, your husband, or his girlfriend, but it sounds like you want to do what's right and you have some reason(s) why you don't trust her. Not wanting to at least MEET you, and you "wondering" about it, tells me that there is more to this than what is visible on the surface.
She has been with married men before but in secret. Their wives have known nothing about her...in fact one of the men she is seeing is married but his wife doesn't know. She is knew to the wife knowing aspect of it but still doesn't see the point or believe that we need to be friends or even know each other. I don't know if i should just step back and see how things play out or stand my ground.
IXm a little curious if your husband isn't seriously concerned about this woman's chronic dishonesty towards relationships.
Ick... I say go with your gut. It just depends on what your poly is. Are you okay with your husband having a double life that excludes you. ( With a repeated mistress) Does he really want a double life? It works for some ( minus the mistress part.)
Yeah, that's a puzzler. Why is he choosing to be involved with someone who isn't interested enough in his life to even meet his wife, and who seems to have a preference for dishonest relationships?
I don't know about your history but I would definitely take every precaution to make yourself sexually safe with this woman in his/your life.
Second time i have heard that today......i told him at dinner tonight that i am seriously thinking about going back to using protection with him everytime. I am that scared or paranoid how ever you want to see it.
Personally, I don't need my partners or partners' partners to be best friends. It would be lovely, don't get me wrong, but I think that is unrealistic. Having said that, I need people to be able to meet and be civil to each other. If they can't manage that, that is a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't be happy in a situation where my partner's partner did not want to meet me or get to know me.
It sounds like you have a really bad vibe off this woman, and part of me is wondering why your partner isn't listening to your concerns. The information you have given so far about this woman suggests you don't trust her to be respectful of your relationship, and that would raise alarm bells for me.
Hope the situation gets resolved xx