Have you shown your hubby what you have written here? The good AND the bad?
No. he is not GREAT at reading... I told him about this place but he's just currently shutting down on me....
Let him read it, know where your head and heart are at.
I have told him but i will ask him if he wants to read it... if he says yes I will show him. I love B so much... It kills me that I want (and maybe NEED) to do something that is hurting him so badly....
Sometimes we can tell them, preach at them, that we aren't going any where. We will still be here when they get home from a date (or us come home from a date) & they absolutely will NOT see the truth of it until it is proven over & over again.
and that's really what I want from B the chance to prove it over and over. Sadly my dates with J are LONG because we are 2 hours apart... so if I get tired I will stay... but I will always come home to B.... that's a given.
Sometimes they just need to be told in a totally different way than what we've been using to tell them these things.
I have this weird thought that I would like J to tell him these things too... but I don't think that will help.
You've proven to him, at least in my eyes, that you will come home after a date, that things can be even HOTTER between the two of you BECAUSE OF this relationship with J.
I would think so too.. but clearly not yet
This may not be a winnable war, unfortunately
. I think you already know in your heart of hearts what your decision will be in this.
i know and it makes me SO FUCKING SAD... I want to cry at the lost chance to play this out with J... it's so not permanent with J... but it could be such fun for me... I know my choice is easy... it's not even something I have to think about. B comes first. But I will be mad and I will be angry and I will cry. and that still will hurt B. He wants me to just walk away from J and NOT CARE about him... and I can't. While I don't LOVE J I do LIKE him... a lot.. .and I care about him and I worry about him...
But I will walk away if B needs me to and eventually get over the hurt... I would have to probably not go to the gaming cons any more. I could not risk seeing J.
Unless you want to see B continually in pain you need to make that decision and stick with it.
Many hugs.
thanks. I can tell you that knowing B this is so far from over....
If I tell him I will end it with J he will be upset with me.
IF I tell him I will NOT end it with J he will be sad and hurt..
I can't win.
Maybe I just need to tell him nothing for a while... and let things keep on rolling. J and I have no plans to meet again till January 8th and that's for the day I already told him I could not spend the night...