A small Hurdle...leapt right over.....

Sunshinegrl

New member
So yesterday When AL and I were talking On Skype.... I asked My Two daughters ( 6 and 9) What they would think Of AL coming to live here(in Australia)... The screams Of excitement just about deafened us. lol. Then I asked if they Would mind If She came to live with us.. Again the screams we ear bursting. Lol. The looks Of sheer excitement and Love was adorable.
I left it at that at that time... Later on in the car My Dd who is 6 ( she is amazingly intuitive this one!!) Pipes up and Says... When She comes to live here she is gonna be our second Mummy! We told her that they would be expected to treat Her with the Same respect and way that they treat Mummy and Daddy. Which of course they went Awwwwww. lol.

While this is only just the start of the transition we were pleased that they took it so well and openly. We Always knew there wouldnt be any issues with her coming home. All the Kids Adore her very much. The Little Guy thinks she is better then sliced bread!

I Just wanted to share this with you all. Hurdle one...gooonnnnee.
 
hehe yes yes I am still nearly deaf nearly 24 hours later! lol they were adorable and I love that little b said that :D makes my heart soar.

*happy dance* Will make the next conversation much easier I think
 
fan - tastic !
 
Congrats! That should make things go a lot smoother if the kids are excited about the relationship.
 
Wow. This just further proves my idea that children have infinite capacity for love and it is only increased or diminished by those who shape them. You're doing a great job! Congratulations.
 
oh, yay!! i am soo rooting for you guys!!!
 
Wow. This just further proves my idea that children have infinite capacity for love and it is only increased or diminished by those who shape them. You're doing a great job! Congratulations.


Thanks! Thats exactly what Im hoping.. To raise well adjusted, open minded and Independent thinking kids!
 
That sounds so wonderful for your new love and for your kids. What a great situation with the young ones. That can be the hardest part of this poly life I think. Continued success!
 
fabulous!
 
hm. I hate to put a damper on this, but do the kids really know you? sure it's one thing to be there for a holiday, but to actually tal about who will take the garbage out and who took my favorite mug is another. It is a totally different thing living with people than being on holiday.

Don't get me wrong, I am really rooting for you, I'm just a tad concerned sometimes with a seemingly "pie in the sky" approach to this big life changing situation...

call me cautious, but I just have seen this before and would hate to know you were all barreling forward without having said anything. I do hope that you can appease my nervousness about this so that I too can say "yay!"

Not feeling it at the moment in any of your posts or your partners.
 
Yes, the kids really Know her. When AL was here. She lived in our house... Seens our daily routines and habbits. They were also very responsive to Al when disciplined/spoken too By her. And Have always responded positively. She has been on the other side of the phone line and the screen ( webcam) .. They often interact with her and talk on the phone. Having seen Her interact with the I know that they are comfortable with her. And I am comfortable with her parenting them.And they respect her as an Adult.

And we have Actually had discussion beyond the " Oh yay! I love you, come live with us" lines. We Know this is life changing. I wouldnt be putting my children in this situation if I hadn't given it ALOT of thought. We wouldn't be making these kind of life changing decisions without deep thought to the reality of it.
 
Last edited:
Sunshine and I have just been talking about this after reading your post... I've known the girls for quite a while, nearly 4 years actually. Again, I speak with the kids on the phone, the older one on the computer, and while I was there, I wasn't just a lump sitting on the couch. When things needed to be done, I would tell them and they would accept it from me. They respect me and love me, that much I can tell and I know Sg and Ab know it too. They've been doing a great job in raising respectful children.
I agree it's different being there for three weeks than living there. Of course there will be hurddles. I don't intend on coming in both guns blazing and take over, not at all. It will be an adjusting process for all, but the kids DO know me, and know me well and I know them. Its not like it was the first time they saw me or spoke with me when I got there.
They were counting down the days until my arrival before they were so excited. I look at things realistically. The kids are already accepting and love me and I love them, and that's the first step really. We're not saying everything is going to go perfectly, of course not, but it's a good step in the right direction. They want me there with them and are very excited that I'm moving to Australia. Even more excited when Sg asked what they thought if I were to move in with them. In fact I'VE spoken to dd 9 about it myself. She's thrilled as is dd 6, even ds 2 'talks' to me on the computer and on the phone.
Sorry if I seem defensive but just need you to know it's not a spur of the moment decsion without thinking of the kids. I'd never do anything I knew would hurt them, and I know Sg and Ab will only ever do whats best for the kids.
 
Cool. I've not read every post on your story, though enough to get interested. I, too, like redpepper, fear for folks when it appears they're blindly leaping. I hope for the best and fear for the worst. When I see things that I think should be done cautiously and don't know that it is, I tend to fuss. That sometimes comes across as negativity, when it's instead of measure of supportiveness.

It sounds as if you've considered it all and have established a base for the move, though, so I'm quite happy for you. And didn't I just see some positive poly coverage in a major Aussie paper (a Sunday edition)? That can only help with joining a new community.
 
I'm really sorry if my question caused you to think defensively. I would also think that way too if I were asked questions that are so upfront. Although I am very welcoming of candor such as my own,,, how else will I ever really feel that what goes on in my life is okay without it being challenges by someone.

Please know that I ask because I care about the three of you and your kids. For me there was not enough to feel like you will all be safe emotionally and that you weren't all in a state of NRE. It is indeed a great feat that you have achieved such a level of closeness at such a distance. I'm glad that you are realizing the difficulties that may or may not come up. Especially where your kids are concerned.

I guess my concerns come from my own experiences of on line/on the phone dating relationships... I have also heard a few disasters about people moving across the world to be with people, giving up everything to do so and then are left destitute and with nothing.... I am NOT saying that this will happen to the three of you, just challenging it a little so as to hopefully create some space for you to perhaps talk about unspoken stuff and to make my self feel like this is a different case.

I wouldn't be poly if I were not radically honest now would I. It has served me well in becoming ultra close to my "family" in all ways, but it isn't easy and I don't always ask questions or express myself in a way that is sensitive, if this has been the case here, I am truly sorry for that.
 
We appreciate that. We have had many conversations about all aspects of life and living together. We are doing our best to go into this with our eyes wide open and Comnicating openily with each other. We have discussed the expectations Of living in the same house and all aspect of daily life. I would jump into something this life changing without some serious thought.
:)
 
Believe she ment to say she WOULDN'T jump into it. And I wouldn't just leave my life here and travel half way around the world on a whim. It's a huge risk for me as well. I'm leaving everything behind. Selling everything I own. And I certainly don't want to hurt the kids. I know that they wouldn't be doing this either as children can become very attached and be crushed when things don't work out as they wouldn't understand.

We have already had several serious talks about things. Not everything has been NRE like. I can't say we're not in NRE, but we're still very realistic and thinking ahead about everything. We have had many discussions about things we haven't shared here, so believe me, we are all well aware of many things that may give us challenges. I'm sure other things will come up that we haven't thought of, but we will deal with them when they arise.
Fact is, we have discussed this thoroughly and all know what the expectations are regarding our relationship(s) and the children as well.
Sorry if this sounds a bit jumbled, just trying to orginize my thoughts and they all just kind of came tumbling out.
 
:) Thanks!
 
Back
Top