Because you'd rather be able to freely misuse words which are fundamental to the discussion at hand without being called out on it? Because I have a viewpoint different from your own and it makes you uncomfortable?
ROFL
Thanks for the offer to "get lost" but I think I'll stick around
While I'm at it:
Consent refers to the provision of approval or agreement, particularly and especially after thoughtful consideration
Whoever gave that definition would have been better served to look it up. I say this because that is not even *CLOSE* to what that means. What you have described is the definition for a "win-win" situation. In case you wanted to update your dictionary.
Greetings! Well I am the wifey in all of this and as I've been asked not to reply right away, more so he could get some clear answers than anything, I've held my tongue until now.
Marcus, what he was trying to politely say is that since your view is that you don't believe in monogamy AT ALL, or marriage, then perhaps your opinion is not as helpful. It's not. As for definitions:
1con·sent
intransitive verb \kən-ˈsent\
Definition of CONSENT
1
: to give assent or approval : agree <consent to being tested>
2
archaic : to be in concord in opinion or sentiment
When the agreed upon standard was indeed monogamy and that is broken without being discussed at all in advance, then there is no consent. I understand totally that what I did was against his consent, without his consent, without, even, with his knowledge. If you are trying to stand up for me, don't. You may be under the delusion that like you, I just never believed in monogamy and am against it. I'm not.
co·er·cion
noun \-ˈər-zhən, -shən\
Definition of COERCION
: the act, process, or power of coercing
Examples of COERCION
<a promise obtained by coercion is never binding>
co·erce
transitive verb \kō-ˈərs\
co·ercedco·erc·ing
Definition of COERCE
1
: to restrain or dominate by force <religion in the past has tried to coerce the irreligious — W. R. Inge>
2
: to compel to an act or choice <was coerced into agreeing>
3
: to achieve by force or threat <coerce compliance>
Telling someone that their choices are, to let someone break a promise/lie to you/cheat on you OR get out. Is coercion. I never debated that. I understood that was exactly what it was.
We can use all the pretty words and intellectualize all we want on how people grow, they change and you have to be free to be yourself! Yeah well, that's not the issue now is it? I didn't come out as pansexual until after we were married and had children. I was never told I wasn't free to be myself. However, I came out with that in a much better way. Talking first, much discussion and then moving. Then acting on it. Not so with poly, non monogamy.
Plain and simple, this discussion is good for both of us. However, you aren't helping ANYONE by deciding since you do not share our view of monogamy and marriage and refuse to accept that as our view, yes OUR VIEW, then your advice, not helpful. Now you can continue posting, we are honestly just going to ignore it. You don't believe in marriage the way we do and feel the best advice is to change our view, please don't argue that I am incorrect because your advice is ALL from your POV on marriage and monogamy not ours, so your advice is invalid.
Now as far as other questions. The original relationship was an emotional affair, distance made it impossible for me to actually meet this person. However, that didnt' make them any less a part of my every day life and it cause it's damage. We both agree to that. We've worked very hard and the start of this was about 5 years ago. Since then we have worked on communication and connecting. Our communication is amazingly better, and there's no problems with honesty in this situation. Both DH and DC have met and everything has been discussed with the three of us before any steps taken. I think we are doing what we need to now.
The big problem for us specifically is dealing with past hurts. On both sides. I should really get around to the post of how that first visit went as we were all three amazed at how it went. Especially with the surprises and problems we ran into!
So for us, and for those in the very beginning of all of this, the question is, how do you get over the bad treatment of the past? People say talk, we do, admit, and we both have, but feelings remain and as DH especially is a linear thinking, a how to is what he is looking for. Sadly, there really aren't really steps or guides on that kind of thing.