Just LR

Awesome long weekend. I headed out with the kids Friday morning for our last "Alaska Studies trip" this summer. We had about 300 miles to go. We arrived safely with many photos and lots of new info.
The guys arrived shortly thereafter and we set up camp. We met some friends there who also home school.
Saturday was spent fishing as was Sunday and Monday.
I caught 3 silvers Monday. :) First time ever!
Monday evening Maca headed home (had to work Tuesday).
GG and I stayed another night with the kids and came home today. :)
 
Doing great.

Happy to be back in school. :)

I love my Social Psychology class.
The Abnormal Psychology class-bleh. Tolerably dull.
TA'ing for Stats-a blast!

Starting to identify people in my classes that I have seen in other places on campus-which is kind of cool.

Hunting camp was a bust for getting a moose. But Sweet Pea took out 3 ptarmigan and made a nice dinner the last night. Little P had a BLAST and SourPea LOVED her daddy time.

Tomorrow Maca heads back out to Kodiak. :(
Will be crazy busy around here.

GG was informed by his boss that he needs to decide his priority. Funny, I agree. In fact, I've said the same. At any rate, its become OBVIOUS to him that he needs to find a different job. This one expects him to drop everything at the drop of a hat-including the kids and that isn't acceptable. He's facing the reality that a career that requires he put the kids second-isn't going to work out. He isn't happy about it-he likes the work.
But-kids are only kids for a small amount of time. If you aren't there to make the best of it, you lose it.

Maca had to face that one years ago. He was so hurt when Sweet Pea didn't come running to him for things (age 5). It was a slap in the face to realize that while HE may have thought that going to work was taking care of the family, the kids just see it as leaving.
Yes, eventually they learn about money and responsibility. But they don't learn that for years. In the meantime-all they know is that you aren't there. They learn to depend on others.

Now, Sour Pea is 6 and GG is learning the same lesson. It's interesting to watch. I learned that lesson with Spicy Pea.

Our country just doesn't prioritize parenting at all.
 
My Kids

Today has been a nice day. Weird start for that ending-but what the hell. :)

Sour Pea and I took Sweet Pea in for surgery on his ears (had some cysts in the lobes). Not a medical emergency, but they were painful.
That went smoothly.
He is VERY happy about it.

On our way in, we stopped to get drinks cinnamon rolls at a coffee shop.
Then we got lost at the hospital and had a blast together figuring out how to get from one building, across a creek, to the building we needed to be in. It was all pretty amusing.

Afterward we went shopping, got a few books, a few blouses, a couple bras, and prescriptions filled.

We all have just really enjoyed hanging out together and enjoying the day.
 
Today GG and I took the kids (and one grandson) to a fall harvest festival. It was cold, but it was nice to see them enjoying themselves.
It wasn't relaxing (chasing a two year old never is) but it was amusing and fun-filled.
 
Lack of Sleep

The lack of sleep is getting to Maca. He's been gone a week. He can't sleep for shit alone, this has been true for all of the years I've known him.
I find it notable, that due to financial woes, growing up, he and his dad rented a small room and therefore shared a bed also.

Anyway, he's struggling because he can't sleep. There's a possibility of getting his sleeping pill amount increased-after he is home and can see the dr. But in the meantime, there's not much to be done.

Unfortunately, sleep causes all sorts of other issues, including being more accident prone, grumpier, higher insecurity etc.

I empathize. I don't have an issue sleeping alone. But there are other things I struggle with when I'm the one who is all alone (which I'm not when he works out of town, because GG is here). All of which also affect my being more accident prone, less attentive, grumpier, higher insecurity etc.

Interestingly enough-and on a good note, he's tracking it well and seeing that there isn't anything ELSE wrong. It's just lack of sleep and isolation. That doesn't make him feel better. But it does decrease the extra drama he could be creating (and isn't) by acting as if all of those emotions were "legit".

Anyway-we're all doing ok. But-I thought it interesting to note how lack of sleep is so destructive for a person.
 
I miss him.
It makes no difference that he is gone for work and not another lover...
Actually.... I think it does. Its worse. At least were he with another love I would feel good about him taking care of them. But he isn't. He is alone every night too. For a job.
Ugh.

Life is going well. Finished my first (of 3) tests for abnormal
Psych. Graded the 1st of 3 tests for the stats students. Turned in 2 papers for social psych. 5 to go and a group project for that class (and 3 tests).

GG is having some issues with work demands and family demands. Its heating up. He was hired for a set schedule and on call
For emergencies. But the newer boss is pressing for him to work a rotating disasterous schedule with 12-14 hr shifts instead of 8-10.
Its going to blow up one way or another. Either the boss will get educated by higher ups and get off his high horse or GG will be seeking employment elsewhere.
The kids are all well. We are spending lots of time together. We got new walking shoes today before going to the pool.
Friday I took them to Olive Garden.
Yesterday we walked to town (3.5 mi) for drinks at a coffee shop and browsed the toy store before walking home.

Tomorrow is piano lesons, go check out some sportycar the 13 yo wants to see and grab a new snowsuit for the grandbaby before crammin on school again. ;)

No idea when Maca will be home next and no idea when GG's schedule will lighten up. Currently I am gone for school before he wakes and long asleep before he returns.
 
However, you post some "fun" fb pics when Maca is out of town. :D

Completely understand about worrying more about him when he is alone verses with someone else. I do the same. When I go out of town, I make sure his BFF knows and then I don't worry, because I know she will take care of both him and the kids. When he goes out of town with work, I worry more and will try to call more than if he's off with his buddies, especially if the BFF is there too (she usually is).
 
LOL! I get a LOT of flack over my fb posts to him. It's amazing how many people get utterly offended (its SO SIMPLE to make them not appear on a personal feed).

But-I just keep posting my "this is my page and if you need to un-friend me I won't take it personal" monologues. :)
 
Mis-read texts

AWKWARD! LOL!

Maca sends me a text that is pretty long, ends with "Need to shower and do laundry and cook"

I read cock.

My brain auto piloted (as my eyebrows went through the roof) to "well fuck. That wasn't a shock I was expecting to face while he was working in Kodiak."

I HAD brought up to him when he left the question of whether he was sticking to HIS personal current rule of no dating (he had expressed after the last fiasco that he needs to not date for awhile) in Kodiak or if I should expect that to change since he was going to be gone 6/8 weeks for 8-9 months.
He was adamant that he's not ready to deal with the headache or heartache of failed tries right now and therefore had no intention of dating.
Ok.

After he'd been there for awhile, I vaguely brought up the question of going out sometime for a Saturday night (his only day off is Sunday), dancing or bowling or whatever. He again brought up that he just really doesn't want to dick with the headache or heartache of failed efforts with someone and added that he was REALLY not interested in even seeing if there was potential, because in the long run, it would be a long distance relationship and he wasn't up for that at all.
OK.

He did agree that he needed to be able to get out of the apartment and get a break. He's managed to come up with alternative ideas. Cool.

So my thought process wasn't TOTALLY out of sync with the situation or scenarios (thought of not thinking that I was going to have to deal with that). Especially since he is HETERO HETERO HETERO with no flexible options.

But OMG it was SO FUNNY!
 
Well, LR, we know where your thoughts are, ma'am! I probably would have read it the same way and been like WTH?! ;)
 
Lol. Gutter mush can be good from time to time. I welcome it.
 
If it wasn't for the gutter, I'd never find my brain.
 
No flights out of Kodiak last night. :(
But it's looking positive for today. Fingers crossed Maca will be home this afternoon.
 
*sexual post-possible tmi*

OMG!
There are some things that just can't be replaced!
Hard, rough, sex is one of them.
It would be impossible to describe how intensely satifsying it is after weeks apart!
It's so frustrating when he's gone.

GG loves me and adores me and when we're together he will do anything for me. But, he's not rough and tumble. He's not forceful. He's not Dominant by any stretch of the imagination. While I adore his sweetness and his submission and his adoration etc; it can't fill my need for Maca. He just can't be that.

I don't have any words for how much I needed him to come home.
 
birth control/sex drive/trivia

It's been 8 weeks now that I've been on birth control pills. They were prescribed in an effort to control my period because I was having issues bleeding through all sanitary products and my clothes every 2 hours. ASININE.

Anyway-thus far-it isn't working for that purpose so as of last night they doubled the dose.

HOWEVER-one of the side effects is that I don't have a sex drive. I don't MIND having sex and I can still orgasm. But, I have no drive for sex. So, where before I was very much the instigator, now, I don't have any motivation or interest or even memory that I might ought to instigate it.

Why I think this is interesting trivia is because;
While Maca is very motivated to instigate, GG is not.
Therefore, Maca hasn't seen our sex life reduced. Because he instigates and off we go.
But GG has only instigated sex one time in the whole 8 weeks.

Combined with the trivia that Maca is working out of town and has only been HOME 2 of those weeks-meaning that GG and I have every night to ourselves and could have sex any day of the week:

It brought me to a consideration regarding some posters complaints/frustrations regarding their partner having/wanting sex with someone else more often.

There are a VARIETY of reasons for that-some of which are quite insidious to a relationship. But there are some; like mine, that are simply a combination of a hormonally driven behavior (or lack of behavior) and a personality driven behavior (or lack of behavior).

Hormone=I'm not craving sex or motivated to reach out for sex.
Personality= Maca IS motivated to reach out for it. GG is NOT motivated to reach out for it.
Outcome= Maca continues to get sex regularly. GG does not.


Food for thought for anyone whose struggling with a partner who suddenly isn't showing an interest in sex, but is continuing to have sex with another partner.
It's not that I would turn GG down. I would not turn EITHER of my loves down if they want sex.
But I don't want it or need it or crave it etc at the moment. So if they wants it-they needs to be motivated enough to get it.
 
HOWEVER-one of the side effects is that I don't have a sex drive. I don't MIND having sex and I can still orgasm. But, I have no drive for sex. So, where before I was very much the instigator, now, I don't have any motivation or interest or even memory that I might ought to instigate it.

I've felt this way since my surgery. It was decreasing due to my state of health before, but got seriously worse afterwards add on what appeared to be a year long chronic yeast infection... So, very little sex drive and pain/discomfort. It didn't even occur to me that it could be another yeast infection, since I'd already been treated at least once - likely it just never went away completely and I had been on antibiotics 3-4 times over that year :rolleyes:. After awhile of very little sex drive, it becomes habit.

Double dose bc hormones :eek: In my case, it was the bc hormones that started causing some of the problems. Have they done ultra sounds? I feel for you, doctors didn't treat my complaints as anything serious until I passed out and the blood loss was visibly obvious. Of course by then things were so bad that I really shouldn't have been able to walk - ER persons, kinda freaked. I know your on top of it, but make sure your family is watching out for you also.
 
I remember when all of that happened with you.
Believe me-I am paying attention.
Maca and I were up discussing it long into the night on the phone last night.

The ramifications of the bc/heavy periods etc are being watched and all of that. Far too aware of the risks to not be paying attention on my own. Doctors aren't experts. They are expert guessers. Too often people don't realize that. They are playing a guessing game. Which means-they can guess wrong at least as easily as I can. ;)

Anyway-yes, we are watching all of that.
But-I couldn't help but note the little details and how they correlate to so many of the "she sleeps with him but isn't interested in having sex with me anymore" posts we get on here.

I have to wonder how often it's simply a matter of "go turn her on".
 
Nod. Mind you-I also am aware, that it's not always that. Sometimes it's really a huge relationship issue.
But seriously-if one person doesn't feel the "need" and of their two partners, only one is making the effort-the one making the effort will gain the benefit. Not out of favoritism. But because the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
 
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