Bisexual, Pansexual, Polysexual...is it all semantics?

I have a related question. What do you call a person who identifies as androgynous, but is only attracted to one gender?

When I was young, I had trouble with the concept of heterosexuality and homosexuality. I found them extremely complicated and could never remember which I was. To determine one or the other, you need A) your gender or sex, B) the gender or sex of the people you're attracted to and C) to compare them to check if they're the same or opposites.
Way too many steps for me! I also didn't see how a gay female and a gay male could be put in the same category, when they didn't share a gender and didn't like the same people, or each other. Basically it seemed to me they had nothing in common!

So I used androphile to describe myself a lot. Androsexual would have worked too, though. Gynophile or gynosexual for someone attracted to females. In everyday contexts, I find easier to just say "I like guys".

This way you don't have the paradox of saying you're straight (implying you're female, when you're not) or gay (implying you're male, when you're not).

EDIT: saw that you added a new question. A trans woman who like males is straight, just like a cis woman who likes males would be.
 
Last edited:
EDIT: saw that you added a new question. A trans woman who like males is straight, just like a cis woman who likes males would be.

That's what I thought.

But yes, you totally get where I'm coming from :) I would probably also just say "I like guys" in normal conversation, lol. Androphile works too though.

Then again, maybe one day I'll end up falling for a girl and no longer have to worry about this. Who knows?
 
That's what I thought.

But yes, you totally get where I'm coming from :) I would probably also just say "I like guys" in normal conversation, lol. Androphile works too though.

Then again, maybe one day I'll end up falling for a girl and no longer have to worry about this. Who knows?

When I was a teenager, everyone is my close knit group of friends came out as bisexual. Everyone but me. I spent some time waiting for it to happen, but nope. I tried hard to get attracted to females, but I just couldn't. It's weird, because a few years later I also had some female friend, who identified as straight, develop feelings for me and get confused. Of course since I wasn't interested it was even worse.
For the record, she still identifies as straight and has never been attracted to any other female since.

Anyways, now I'm like... probably not gonna happen. Seamus says he's never met a woman as straight as me, and he thinks I'm one of the rare 100% straight people.

In the end, your orientation is what it is, and it might change and fluctuate (or rather, what you identify as might), but it might not. Don't hope for it to change is my point, deal with what you've got :)
 
I guess, Cindie, there are degrees of homophobia. I don't understand why being bi would make a man less masculine in your eyes. Surely there are millions of extremely masculine bi and gay men out there. Muscled, bearded or stubbled, tall, broad shouldered, into sports, war, politics, tractors, beer, or whatever it is you see as masculine pursuits. Maybe if this certain bi guy was a Top, only into penetrating, you'd find him a masculine guy... if he was into being penetrated you'd see that as too feminine? Otherwise, I don't get it either.

I also have a really hard time figuring out how "bi guys are less masculine so I don't date them because I only like masculine men" could possibly be about anything other than prejudice. As Mags said, there are bi guys who fit every single definition of traditional masculinity aside from liking the cock. So... how is it about anything other than having a problem with men who like the cock? I truly am not trying to say that you have to like everyone, or that you have to like the same types of people that I like, but I just can't see a rationale that isn't based, at least on some buried, deep-seated internalization level, on the part of our culture that says "ew, gays."

Okay, I do not totally understand the basis of my preference yet myself, but I will try to explain what I've figured out thus far. What I consider masculine in a guy isn't necessarily "traditional masculinity." I don't specifically look for hairy muscled guys who are into sports, beer, and monster trucks. I don't think of "masculine" that way. And besides, there are plenty of women who like beer, sports, and monster trucks. I am attracted to a wide range of types, so it isn't even necessarily that a guy needs to be tall and hard-bodied for me to think of him as masculine. I have had boyfriends who had delicate coloring and appeared somewhat effeminate. One boyfriend I was crazy about was someone I thought was surely gay when I met him, because of his mannerisms, interests, fashion sense, and way of speaking.

So, it's hard to say what I think of as masculine. I do know that I am not attracted to men with "baby faces," ie., button noses and round cheeks, etc. Almost every guy I've been very attracted to has had a long or thick straight nose and some kind of angularity to his face. But masculinity isn't just about physical appearance or interests and pursuits. It's an energy I respond to, and I can't quite explain it. And I know that my disinterest in bisexual men isn't about where their cock has been, or if they like to be top or bottom. An ex of mine, who was a former drug addict, was straight but had been with men as a way to get drugs. I didn't care or freak out about the fact that he'd had sex with men. Didn't matter to me.

My "issue" is about who they're attracted to or interested in. And for some reason, tangled up in that, is my perception that their masculinity quotient goes down. Just as Tonberry said that she can't fantasize about gay men because she knows they'd never be interested in her, there is something about a man being attracted to another man that takes away what I see as potential to be attracted to me. It's like, if he's attracted to other women, I know how to compete with that. But in my mind, I can't compete with other men, so as soon as I find out a guy is bi or gay, I lose interest. I don't do it on purpose, it's just like a door shuts for me. I can find them physically attractive, and I can be attracted to them as friends, but there is no more sexual interest. But, I really don't see that as homophobic.

This question came to me today, while thinking of this thread: Would a gay man be called homophobic if he says he is not attracted to bi women? If not, then why is a straight woman homophobic if she's not attracted to bi men? Can we just interchange these terms to see where we align ourselves?

Also... the title of this thread mentions "polysexual" but most of the discussion has been on either bisexual or pansexual. What is polysexual, exactly?
 
Last edited:
This question came to me today, while thinking of this thread: Would a gay man be called homophobic if he says he is not attracted to bi women? If not, then why is a straight woman homophobic if she's not attracted to bi men? Can we just interchange these terms to see where we align ourselves?

I don't understand your question. A gay man isn't attracted to women, and orientation doesn't play a part. In the case of the straight woman not being attracted to bi men, her lack of attraction is the result of the other person's orientation, not her own. Completely different situation, it seems to me.
 
Okay, then... is a gay man homophobic if he's turned off by bi men?

That's closer, although I think the equivalent question really would be, "is a gay guy heterophobic if..."
Or even, are people, gay or straight, biphobic if they're not attracted by bi people?

And I don't know, but I don't see why it would make a difference whether it's a straight woman or a gay man.
 
I ask because I was called homophobic for not being attracted to bisexual men, I guess mostly because I admitted to the fact that there have been instances where I was attracted to a certain man but lost the attraction when I found out he was bi. Does that make it worse than if I had never been attracted to him in the first place? What I am trying to get at is this: is it really right to say that any person, regardless of their own orientation, is homophobic if they are not attracted to bisexual people?
 
What do you call a male-identified trans with female parts who is attracted to men? Just curious about all the semantics of this.


A male identified person is a man, no matter his body parts. So, if he's attracted to other guys, he's a gay man. A transwoman attracted to men is straight. A transman attracted to men and women is bi. A transwoman attracted to women is a lesbian. And so on.
 
...there is something about a man being attracted to another man that takes away what I see as potential to be attracted to me. It's like, if he's attracted to other women, I know how to compete with that. But in my mind, I can't compete with other men, so as soon as I find out a guy is bi or gay, I lose interest.

I find this idea of "competition" the most interesting. Especially for a poly person. I don't feel any sense of competition in my love life... I don't feel I am competing with other women or men in my gf's love for me.

I don't even know how I would compete with someone else for my gf's or bf's love. Love is love, it's not a board game. I don't need strategy or weaponry.

Do you mean since you don't have a cock, you couldn't provide one for a bi man to play with, suck, be penetrated by? But he has guys for that. He would appreciate you for your feminine aspects, breasts, pussy, curves, voice, mannerisms, etc. So, there's no competition. Especially if he is a poly bi guy, so he doesn't have to make a choice between loving one of this gender or that.

How do you compete with other partners of your lovers? I can't conceive of it.

This question came to me today, while thinking of this thread: Would a gay man be called homophobic if he says he is not attracted to bi women?

No, he'd just be gay. It wouldn't be her bi aspect, it would be he just doesn't get turned on by her body parts. The phobic part comes in, I believe when gay men won't be with bi men, or lesbians won't be with bi women. This is quite common. Lesbians can feel quite squicked out by knowing another woman has enjoyed having a cock in her pussy and not just another woman's fingers or toys or tongue. I call this het- or bi-phobia. Likewise some gay men are so grossed out by pussies, they wouldnt fuck another man who likes pussies as well as cocks.

Now, when you get into trans issues, things get a bit tricky. Why would a gay man be attracted to a drag queen, dressed exaggeratedly female? As long as she has a cock under her dress, she's OK?

Why would a lesbian be attracted to an extremely butch woman? (I am still learning about dyke culture so I don't have this all figured out yet.) I guess some lesbians dress butch partly to be unattractive to straight men, partly because they just like it. Femme lesbians can be looked askance at by butches, thought of as untrustworthy.

Many lesbians have a big issue with transwomen. It seems to be, if you have a dick, no matter how you present, you're not one of us. I am unusual in that community, being a cis woman involved with a transwoman.

Occasionally a butch lesbian will realize she is actually a man and start taking testosterone and transitioning. Then her lesbian lover has to deal with the sudden realization she is partnered with a man... What does that do to her identity as lesbian? Is her transman partner now allowed in dyke gatherings they used to attend as a couple?

In the case of the Michigan Womyn's Festival, he would be, as long as he didnt announce himself as male. Apparently, as long as he has female appearing genitalia, should he take a public shared shower, he's allowed in, even if he's sporting a beard and new muscles and has had breast surgery to get a flatter chest. But transwomen, perhaps even post-op, are not allowed in, as they aren't "womyn-born-womyn", born womyn, raised as womyn, living as womyn. Sigh...

Now, there is a kinky women's club in Boston called MOB, that allows in cis women, transwomen and transmen, and those in between. Only cis men are excluded. (And at the kinky Fetish Flea Fair held every year, cis men do try to get in to MOB's play parties, believe me.)

If not, then why is a straight woman homophobic if she's not attracted to bi men? Can we just interchange these terms to see where we align ourselves?

No, I don't think we can.

Also... the title of this thread mentions "polysexual" but most of the discussion has been on either bisexual or pansexual. What is polysexual, exactly?

Who knows? Only the OP knows. No one else here seems concerned with it.
 
Last edited:
Hey Nyc, thanks for working through it with us. I totally get that you're not in any way homophobic in your daily life, and I'm not saying you need to fight your personal preferences, but yeah, it remains hard to understand "bi = less masculine" as being not about some kind of prejudice or misconception about gay/bi guys. The competition part makes more sense in the abstract, though I still have a hard time grasping it on a personal level.

I think the best analogy would be if you were to ask if a straight man might be considered homophobic if he lost interest in a woman after learning she was bi. And to be honest, yeah, I would be pretty pissed off and would have a hard time understanding it as anything other than prejudice if a man expressed an attraction to me and then backed off once he learned I like women as well as men. It *would* kinda be better if he'd never been attracted to me at all, because then it wouldn't be solely about him rejecting this one, integral part of my identity, which our culture as a whole is going into such convulsions over lately.

It's much harder to make an equivalent comparison to a gay person, male or female, not wanting to date bi people, because there's not the same cultural bias against opposite-sex attraction that they'd be playing into. I would still be annoyed at the hypothetical gay person on a personal level, and might question if they had misconceptions about bi people, but I wouldn't tend to chalk it up to some kind of "straight-phobia", y'know?
 
I find the competition aspect interesting. The closest I've ever come with is the opposite. When I had discussions with friends about what we'd do if guys cheated on us, I always thought, if it's with a guy it won't be as bad, because I would get it, that the guy gives him things I can't. But with another woman I thought I might feel like I was being judged against her and compared, etc.

That was way before I thought about being with a poly person though. Now it really doesn't matter if their partners are male or female, I'm not going to feel like there is competition of any kind. Cheating would be even worse though, because it would be hurting me for the sake of hurting me.

About polysexual, I've head people, in that context, that "monosexual" for someone who is either gay or straight, and "polysexual" for someone who is bi or pan. However, in a polyamorous contexts, these words are also used to mean someone who has sex with several people or just one, respectively, which I think makes the whole thing confusing.
 
Perhaps polysexual can be used to be something between bisexual and pansexual? So the people that identify themselves as bi specifically because they are not attracted to transpeople or androgyny (not all bi people identify this way but for the sake of those who are using it that specific way) and then the people who are pansexual being attracted to everything (presumably or possibly attracted to most everything), then polysexual might be something in between. Maybe you like men, women, and transmen, but not transwomen or crossdressers. Or in my case, I tend to like androgynous people of both genders, men (although not hypermasculine ones), transwomen, and crossdressing men. I probably wouldn't be attracted to a super girly girl, but I wouldn't rule it out. I've never been attracted to a transman that I know of, but I think it is probably likely that I would find one attractive at some point if I met enough of them. I tend more toward males than females, although most of the men I date are pretty feminine.

That whole paragraph to say, I have my preferences, such that I feel like using pansexual might not be completely appropriate, because it is a rare woman that I really get attracted to and my girl crushes are few and far between. Polysexual might be the most appropriate term for me, then, because I have a lot of different things that I am attracted to, but there is a hierarchy and some people I'm much more attracted to than others based on certain gender characteristics.

Bah, that was long. I've been wanting to try and talk through and pin down my sexuality for a while. I like the term polysexual.
 
Edit to add (because wow this post ended up hugely long!) tldr - I'm never sure how to ID myself personally, I don't feel fully straight or bisexual. I think everything is on a sliding scale and labels should only be applied to oneself, not to others.

***
I actually have quite a lot of trouble trying to figure out what label I should apply to myself. I don't get hung up on it, because hey, I'm just me really and labels shouldn't matter, but it's something I've thought about from time to time.

My general feeling on any label is that you shouldn't try to apply them to other people, only to yourself. Let other people deal with their own identities, and I'll go with however they want to present themselves. I call my husband bisexual, because that is what he calls himself. Likewise with my boyfriend, who identifies as straight.

I know a lot of people who identify strongly as either straight, gay, or bisexual. I'm not sure if I know anyone in real life who identifies as pan. I definitely know a few who identify as queer, and a few trans-people.

For myself though, I'm never sure. I've never been in a relationship with a woman, although that's not saying much as I've only actually been in two relationships (the two I'm still in!). I have kissed a fair number of girls/women over the years, and slept with one. So does that make me bi?

I tend to default to ticking 'straight' on official equal opps monitoring forms because I guess maybe I don't feel 'bi enough' to identify as bisexual. More and more though, in recent years, that feels a bit like a lie. I want there to be a scale that I can put an approximate mark on! When talking to friends I think I tend to say I'm on the straight end of bi, or the bi end of straight, depending on my mood at the time.

I can certainly look at both men and women and find them physically attractive, beautiful, sexy etc. It's not always the same types either. I find lots of things attractive. I like 'girly' looking girls, I like a bit of androgyny in both genders sometimes, I like long hair on men, I quite like a bit of make-up on men (I think that's left over from my time in the goth scene) but I also like it sometimes when they are a bit scruffy and stubbly - rough & ready... It's hard to really pin down a type :rolleyes:

I've never met a girl I wanted to have a relationship with, but that might be more a function of the fact that I'm quite picky (finding someone physically attractive doesn't necessarily mean that I want to date them!) and for ten years from the age of 18 to 28 I was monogamous with my husband so wasn't really looking, beyond going 'ooh, that person's pretty' occasionally.

When I fantasize however (in a sexual context), there are almost always women involved (as well as men - I tend to fantasize about group settings :p)

I'm not keen on the -curious suffix, as some others have said. It sounds wishy-washy and feels very teenage to me - like girls kissing girls because it's fun and 'it doesn't really count' or something. I've heard people using heteroflexible, but that doesn't sit right with me either. I would read that as basically straight but willing to have sex with someone of the same gender, like maybe in a threesome situation.

Pansexual doesn't feel right either, but that might just be because I'm not as used to the term, having only come across it in recent years. It seems too all-encompassing. I do have physical preferences, and I think I'm somewhere towards the straight end of the scale in general, just not 100%. But then maybe it is true that I am attracted to a person simply for who they are, rather than what gender they happen to be (my husband and boyfriend are quite different, although both obviously male). Would that make me pan?

Meh, I know. I should stop fretting about labels and just be me! :cool:

Sorry for going off into extended personal musings!
 
Last edited:
What is it about the term heteroflexible that doesn't sit well with you? I'm curious because it was a label I thought of applying to myself for quite a while and it is a term that I think both of the legs of my V like to use. They do not play with each other, but they are both comfortable having threesomes with me and get turned on by the element of watching me with another man. They have also had passing interest in/experimentation with guys but mostly aren't attracted to them.
 
Okays. Just so you people know, I didn't mean to imply that transwomen didn't count as women and transmen didn't count as men. I know they do.

That question came up in response to Magdlyn saying that a person who didn't particularly identify as either gender would be categorized as hetero or homo based upon their physiology. I was asking, if that was the case, would that logic apply to transpeople as well?

Tonberry's response made much more sense to me.

In the end, your orientation is what it is, and it might change and fluctuate (or rather, what you identify as might), but it might not. Don't hope for it to change is my point, deal with what you've got.

To get more specific, I have reasons for believing that I'm not 100% straight. I definitely get aroused by looking at an attractive women, especially if she's not wearing much ;). But I'm only interested in doing things with men, and have only wanted romantic relationships with men.

There is one girl who I love very much and feel a strong connection with - and find very attractive - but the thought of a physical relationship with her makes me squick a little. I'm not sure whether that's society's heteronormative programming making me feel like it would be "corrupting" her, or if it's just that I'm naturally not interested in sexual interactions with women?

So my orientation is basically towards men for all practical intents and purposes, which is why I say I'm attracted to men.
 
Last edited:
My "issue" is about who they're attracted to or interested in. And for some reason, tangled up in that, is my perception that their masculinity quotient goes down. Just as Tonberry said that she can't fantasize about gay men because she knows they'd never be interested in her, there is something about a man being attracted to another man that takes away what I see as potential to be attracted to me. It's like, if he's attracted to other women, I know how to compete with that. But in my mind, I can't compete with other men, so as soon as I find out a guy is bi or gay, I lose interest.

Honestly based on the responses I've heard and read from other women about dating bisexual men, this is quite common. They mention the whole competition thing a LOT. I can't personally wrap my head around it, because if you think about it, nothing is a competition unless you make it one, imo. I feel like if I don't intrigue you off top, it doesn't matter who else wants your attention; I probably wouldn't have a chance later on in life either lol. It just is what it is.

But I might feel differently because I myself am bisexual, and Arii is pan, and nothing about either of those things make us NOT attracted to one another; it doesn't make him less masculine to me at all, just adds a dimension to his personhood that I hadn't been well-versed in prior to meeting him (still learning of course).
 
But masculinity isn't just about physical appearance or interests and pursuits. It's an energy I respond to, and I can't quite explain it. And I know that my disinterest in bisexual men isn't about where their cock has been, or if they like to be top or bottom...

My "issue" is about who they're attracted to or interested in. And for some reason, tangled up in that, is my perception that their masculinity quotient goes down. Just as Tonberry said that she can't fantasize about gay men because she knows they'd never be interested in her, there is something about a man being attracted to another man that takes away what I see as potential to be attracted to me. It's like, if he's attracted to other women, I know how to compete with that. But in my mind, I can't compete with other men, so as soon as I find out a guy is bi or gay, I lose interest. I don't do it on purpose, it's just like a door shuts for me. I can find them physically attractive, and I can be attracted to them as friends, but there is no more sexual interest. But, I really don't see that as homophobic.

Why would a lesbian be attracted to an extremely butch woman? (I am still learning about dyke culture so I don't have this all figured out yet.) I guess some lesbians dress butch partly to be unattractive to straight men, partly because they just like it. Femme lesbians can be looked askance at by butches, thought of as untrustworthy.

In the case of the Michigan Womyn's Festival, he would be, as long as he didnt announce himself as male. Apparently, as long as he has female appearing genitalia, should he take a public shared shower, he's allowed in, even if he's sporting a beard and new muscles and has had breast surgery to get a flatter chest. But transwomen, perhaps even post-op, are not allowed in, as they aren't "womyn-born-womyn", born womyn, raised as womyn, living as womyn. Sigh...

There is so much going on in this thread - in good ways - that I do not know where to start.

Ok, so first I'm going to define the terms I'm using. Sex and gender are NOT the same thing. Sex is biological - it is the body, chromosomes, hormones and so on that we are born with. And sex on its own is freakin' complicated. There are folks who are born with indeterminate genitalia, (intersexed is one common term). There are folks who have chromosomal differences - who look outwardly like stereotypical men or women who are actually chromosomically very different.

Gender is the accummulated social mores, beliefs, thoughts, ideology, that get attached to sex - gender is what makes a man a man and a woman a woman. Gender is the sets of practices that we all do consciously and unconsciously to indicate to others where we stand - do we present as women or men? (Keeping in mind that some present as both, or neither, or other.) Gender is truly a performance - it is what we do.

So, to continue. Masculinity does not equal man. Femininity does not equal woman. Butch women are so attractive to many lesbians and bi women (myself included) because they are masculine AND female. How a butch woman 'does' masculine is different from how a man (straight or gay) 'does' masculine. The energy is very different. It's hard to describe but once experienced, instantly recognizable. And, yes, some butch women realize that they are trans and decide to transition - to match up their masculine selves with their sex self (so masculine AND male). Also how femme women 'do' femininity - even though the tools (makeup, clothing, etc.) are the same - is different from the femininity of straight women.

Butch lesbians aren't butches to repel men. They couldn't care less the ones I've met. Most like men just fine as brothers, uncles, friends, coworkers. They are not the mostly non-existent lesbian man-hater. Their presentation of self is not about men at all. They are not hiding their attractiveness or downplaying their looks but presenting themselves to a particular audience. They express a more masculine sense of themselves through their clothes, their look, their energy, how they walk and talk. And generally, it's total catnip to the people butches do care about - lesbians and bi women.

Ah, I miss butches. I don't have enough of them in my life. Anyway...

Femme lesbians can 'blend' in more easily than butch women. Until you know how to look, femme women look a lot like straight, stereotypically feminine women. Bi women who are conventionally feminine presenting also have a similar problem where they can just disappear in a sea of straightness. That privilege or problem depending on how you define it can and does cause tension between butch and femme women, between lesbians and bi women.

On a side note, I strongly believe that the Michigan womyn's festival has lost its mind over the trans policy. I haven't gone since shortly after they put it in place and won't until it is gone.

Hmmm. More to say but I can't easily organize it in my head just yet.
 
I wonder if "polysexual" could mean that you're mainly attracted to multiple people, and/or that you feel a strong desire to be with two people at once, such as someone who prefers to have sex with a couple?

(I'm just imagining here, I don't really know what it means to identify as polysexual).

This has been an interesting discussion. I have a couple questions for NYCindie, if you don't mind:

You said you wouldn't want someone who is specifically (or only) attracted to plus-size women, because that would be a fetish, someone objectifying you for being plus-sized. But how is that different from someone just having a preference for a particular body type?

Is that different from someone with a preference for femme lesbians, or for men with big cocks, or for boyish-looking men, or...? I mean, ideally, everyone would be attracted to personalities and be able to see past physical characteristics, but there's a strong physical component to sex & attraction, and people have their preferences, stuff that just turns them on.

Another question: how would you feel if a man you were already involved with confessed that he is bi? (Or that he wants to have, or has already had, same-sex experiences?) I doubt you would stop liking him. It sounds like mainly, that when a potential interest of yours turns out to be bi, you use that a process of elimination not to pursue him. Would it be different if it was someone you knew well and/or someone who really liked you? Would you want to work past your preferences in that case?

Just curious. This stuff is all way more complicated than it appears!

Another complication for me is the dominant/submissive angle. It took me a long time to figure out, and feel comfortable with, the fact that I am attracted to men who are sexually dominant. I'm not even all that kinky, just a bit sub-ish in bed and very sexually compatible with dom-ish/top-ish men.

Obviously sexually dominance isn't a purely physical characteristic--I mean it's not something you can tell about someone at first sight--but I've found that I can sometimes pick up on a sort of "dominant energy" that is hard to articulate but nonetheless is attractive to me. Conversely, I have also felt un-attracted to men who did not radiate this energy. But that energy is not the same as masculinity or maleness, I don't think.

Ironically, I finally became aware of and comfortable with my attraction to this "dominant energy" when I met a woman who radiated it. She was a butch lesbian/bi, and I wasn't really attracted to her (although she is quite awesome), but somehow meeting her made me recognize her energy, and then my own mental processes sort of clicked. I realized, "Oh, I'm not attracted to men who are assholes, I'm just attracted to sexual dominance!"

After that, I was able to articulate what I was looking for and eliminate the asshole men from my search. (There are quite a lot of assholes who radiate sexual dominance:))

Lately I've been trying to learn more about my own preferences and figure out if men can be sexually compatible with me without being the type of people who radiate sexual energy at all. (Since there must be men who are dominant in bed but don't exude it out of every pore, like men who are introverted or reserved in public, etc).

And then there's also smell and pheromones as markers of attraction. That's not something I have any control over. I have never met a woman who exuded the chemical smell that I am attracted to.
 
Back
Top