So got to chat with hubs today which was nice. Sometimes I forget what his voice sounds like!
A week from today he'll be flying to VA and then checking out there, so hopefully home Friday night OR Saturday morning sometime. I'm making plans accordingly, knowing they are going to be fluid... gotta leave room for them to change.
I figure if he can't come Friday and it's saturday, then I get to go to one last yoga session on Friday, and have time to get gussied up! Gotta look at the bright side of everything, right?
This is his last weekend where he is, so he and the GF are obviously going to be spending most of it together. We talked about that briefly-- and a bit gingerly I think as it's been kind of raw for both of us, but it was good. I truly am okay with things... they might not be my preference, but I'm not upset or anything. I think she thinks I hate her.. and I don't. Im in a between place, where I have empathy for her situation, yet have retained a strong boundary about her not being in my life at all. It's kind of a wierd spot, but not bad. We can't all be fast friends in the world, and just because hubs clicked with her doesn't mean I have to or will. But I do wish her well.
I am, though, very much looking forward to having him home, and having the chance to get to enjoy being us for a while. We haven't REALLY gotten to do that in several years... so it's been a long time coming. I feel like I deserve to have that time now.
And though we have a lot of work to do on us, I'm in no rush. It's wierd, but I feel like all of the work and realizations and things I've been doing about myself have brought me to a much more calm place. I feel like I'm starting to really GET how to be supportive for those I love, but not feel responsible for making them happy or fixing things FOR them. They have to do that themselves because they want to-- it's not my job, not my responsibility, not even something I really CAN do. In a way it's like a big giant weight has been lifted off of me.
When I started counseling (again!) a few months ago, my counselor asked me about that. What would happen if I just let them take care of things themselves? (meaning my daughter and hubs mostly). And at the time I felt like if I wasn't there to help them that things would all fall apart. And frankly, sometimes that might be true! But they are both adults, and they both need to learn how to handle thier own stuff. I can support that, and be there if they need me, but I don't have to constantly be on the lookout for things that may hurt them. Yes, they might get hurt. But how else do we learn, but by trying things, doing things, suffering consequences, reaping rewards? Who am I to take that gift away from them?
OK, enough philosophizing...
A week from today he'll be flying to VA and then checking out there, so hopefully home Friday night OR Saturday morning sometime. I'm making plans accordingly, knowing they are going to be fluid... gotta leave room for them to change.
I figure if he can't come Friday and it's saturday, then I get to go to one last yoga session on Friday, and have time to get gussied up! Gotta look at the bright side of everything, right?
This is his last weekend where he is, so he and the GF are obviously going to be spending most of it together. We talked about that briefly-- and a bit gingerly I think as it's been kind of raw for both of us, but it was good. I truly am okay with things... they might not be my preference, but I'm not upset or anything. I think she thinks I hate her.. and I don't. Im in a between place, where I have empathy for her situation, yet have retained a strong boundary about her not being in my life at all. It's kind of a wierd spot, but not bad. We can't all be fast friends in the world, and just because hubs clicked with her doesn't mean I have to or will. But I do wish her well.
I am, though, very much looking forward to having him home, and having the chance to get to enjoy being us for a while. We haven't REALLY gotten to do that in several years... so it's been a long time coming. I feel like I deserve to have that time now.
And though we have a lot of work to do on us, I'm in no rush. It's wierd, but I feel like all of the work and realizations and things I've been doing about myself have brought me to a much more calm place. I feel like I'm starting to really GET how to be supportive for those I love, but not feel responsible for making them happy or fixing things FOR them. They have to do that themselves because they want to-- it's not my job, not my responsibility, not even something I really CAN do. In a way it's like a big giant weight has been lifted off of me.
When I started counseling (again!) a few months ago, my counselor asked me about that. What would happen if I just let them take care of things themselves? (meaning my daughter and hubs mostly). And at the time I felt like if I wasn't there to help them that things would all fall apart. And frankly, sometimes that might be true! But they are both adults, and they both need to learn how to handle thier own stuff. I can support that, and be there if they need me, but I don't have to constantly be on the lookout for things that may hurt them. Yes, they might get hurt. But how else do we learn, but by trying things, doing things, suffering consequences, reaping rewards? Who am I to take that gift away from them?
OK, enough philosophizing...