Hey. (Sock Puppet Trolling Thread - Closed)

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So to recap.....5 or 7 yrs ago you have maritial trouble ...your sex life got boring ....you lost interest in your husband ...you pushed for additional partners an or excitement...swinging, etc. He found other women to fulfill that unmet need and you found someone more exciting as well.

During that time did you experience the spillover effect ...did it enhance your sex life with your husband ? My guess is no....or...Worse as result he lost interest in you. Now with the bf dumping you...that distraction is over ...now you want back in ....unfortunately it's too late. This so reminds me of another member ... kindapod.. He ..the husband was pushed into poly ....he remained mono for many yrs ...saying ihe didnt like it and it bothered him...finally after 7 yrs or something decided to find a girlfriend. And he did... and then fell in love. After a yr or 2 wanted to make her the primary. Bottom-line the damage was done yrs before. He said he loved his wife in human to human sense or cousin, sister,close friend sense but not in the romantic "in love with her" sense. And that they were and had been functioning as roomates for a longtime. The wife seem somewhat hurt and blindsided or confused by his new stance.

If you got depression issues or mental issues he may not be telling you exactly how he feels as he doesn't want the responsibility or work load of triggering some sort of a episode. I'm not divorced for that very reason ....I don't want cause further stress to my wife mental health. However I don't lie and say I love her either. It's a little awkward on the phone when she says I love you right before hanging up....but thanks and take care seems to fill in the gap.


I think you ahold go back to finding another distraction and be happy.


Or find a relationship that made you happy on all levels ....not trying to cobble 2 together. Who knows that could be
the source of the depression.
 
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Re (from Daffodil, Post #36):


You can't think like that ... If he is staying with you, you have to trust that he is staying with you because he wants to. Is there something he has done (in the past) to cause you to not trust him?

Perhaps this isn't as complicated of a situation as it seems to be ... Perhaps he really does want to have both you and her in his life. Do you think that's possible?

Perhaps it would help if he would slow down with this other person?

Re (from Daffodil, Post #38):


That's kind of sad, to me. He's being reassuring towards you, and is a great guy, and you're afraid of losing him ... Don't you feel that you're a person who is worthy of love? I think that we, as human beings, are usually afraid of being vulnerable.

Polyamory = wanting to be with at least two different people. I feel that this is the part of the definition that you are having a hard time wrapping your mind around. You can ask him to do little things to help you feel reassured, but can you trust him to love you, even when he loves someone else also? This is the big question.

Here's my thoughts.

Yes, that is polyamory. I got that. But when we opened our relationship, it wasn't what we intended. It wasn't as evolved as the rest of you guys to suddenly realize "oooh I'm poly, let me find someone else to love".

It was "I don't wanna have sex anymore so go find someone else for that.". Not exactly but you get my drift. Somehwere alone the way, he fellin love with another, as did I. Maybe, if we were honest with ourselves, we would admist that maybe we just fell out of love with each other. We love each other very much but just not feeling the passion, the romance, the love as it should be between spouses, as DH noted, family...

Yes, he does want to be with me too. Yes. But one day he may want more. And through soul searching and being less selfish, I've determined that I should just let them be togethern, if that's what he chooses tod do. I mean, isn't that the intent of poly, love many yes, but not hold your loved one back, their
happiness ranks high in importance?
And yes, I am worthy of love. My husband does love me. As did my boyfriend. So perhaps its time for me to think about finding someone else for me to love and who loves me the way my husband loves her. Truth is, I say I do, but I don't really belive that I love him like she does. :( sad but true.


So to recap.....5 or 7 yrs ago you have maritial trouble ...your sex life got boring ....you lost interest in your husband ...you pushed for additional partners an or excitement...swinging, etc. He found other women to fulfill that unmet need and you found someone more exciting as well.

During that time did you experience the spillover effect ...did it enhance your sex life with your husband ? My guess is no....or...Worse as result he lost interest in you. Now with the bf dumping you...that distraction is over ...now you want back in ....unfortunately it's too late. This so reminds me of another member ... kindapod.. He ..the husband was pushed into poly ....he remained mono for many yrs ...saying ihe didnt like it and it bothered him...finally after 7 yrs or something decided to find a girlfriend. And he did... and then fell in love. After a yr or 2 wanted to make her the primary. Bottom-line the damage was done yrs before. He said he loved his wife in human to human sense or cousin, sister,close friend sense but not in the romantic "in love with her" sense. And that they were and had been functioning as roomates for a longtime. The wife seem somewhat hurt and blindsided or confused by his new stance.

If you got depression issues or mental issues he may not be telling you exactly how he feels as he doesn't want the responsibility or work load of triggering some sort of a episode. I'm not divorced for that very reason ....I don't want cause further stress to my wife mental health. However I don't lie and say I love her either. It's a little awkward on the phone when she says I love you right before hanging up....but thanks and take care seems to fill in the gap.


I think you ahold go back to finding another distraction and be happy.


Or find a relationship that made you happy on all levels ....not trying to cobble 2 together. Who knows that could be
the source of the depression.

DH, thank you. I think that you are right on just about every level.

And my apologies to those ladies here that I offended. Loveforgirl is right, what I said was hurtful to those ladies in the secondary position. :( we invite them into our lives as poly mates, to love our spouses, and its wrong to treat them with such low regard because we suddenly have doubts, insecurities. I see the love and excitement in my husbands eyes when he interacts with his OSO and it does make me envious, jealous and insecure but if I truely love him, I should thank her for making him feel so wonderful and let what will be , be. Stop trying to control everything.

For those who have sent support and have been less than understanding of the negative reactions I have gotten over my posts, thanks but not required, if I were those insulted people, I'd be pissed off too.

DH, yes, time for me to find a new plan... Whatever happens, happens.

Thanks for everyones support.
 
Daffodil, this last post of yours seems to have a totally different tone from most of your others - you seem to care about him and his happiness - that's really encouraging.

Earlier posts seemed to be about tricking him and trying to control him. Now it seems like you are recognizing and being a little more accepting of the situation.

Either you have developed a new way of thinking about this situation, or it just didn't come out in your previous posts.

So this last one was nice to read. :)
 
Ciel. Yes and no. I have always recognized the situation. I've just decided to give up trying to control it. I've come to think that maybe DH is right, this situation only worsens my depression issues rather than help it. Maybe it's the root of much of my depression, grasping to something that's been gone for a long time.

Maybe he is better off with her.
Maybe I'm better off finding that for myself rather than forcing it from him.
Maybe one day I'll figure it out.
Or maybe one day she will tire of my antics and leave him, makes my job easier (sorry for the slight regression)
 
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If I am understanding you right, you don't necessarily think your husband will leave you *right now* for this other woman, but you have grave fears that your husband will leave you *someday in the future.*

You also spoke of not having the kind of romantic love in your marriage that you used to have, and this is a reason your husband might someday not want to be with you anymore.

I would point out that romantic relationships tend to change over time. In the beginning, there is a lot of NRE (New Relationship Energy), and the relationship seems very strong and intense. In later years, we lose some of that early excitement, and the relationship takes on more of a relaxed air. My question is, maybe you're experiencing this slow-down, and interpreting it as a loss of love? Maybe love is just changing, not dying.

Are there any positives in the way you and your husband feel about each other right now? Anything you could build on?

In any case, it shows great courage of you to be willing to let your husband go if he wants to be let go. I hope he will return the favor by staying with you voluntarily, but I realize I can't guarantee that.

In the meantime, think about what you enjoy about your husband *right now,* and make a point of enjoying that, as in the present, he is with you, so why not enjoy and treasure that. The present is all we really have; the future is uncertain, and the past can't be changed. So make the most of what you have right now.

Have you and your husband ever had (or thought about having) couple's counseling? Perhaps if you could find a poly-friendly professional to talk to, a way might be found to "bring some of the spark" back into your marriage. Don't know if you've already been there, and had bad luck in the past.

I appreciate your candor.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Ciel. Yes and no. I have always recognized the situation. I've just decided to give up trying to control it. I've come to think that maybe DH is right, this situation only worsens my depression issues rather than help it. Maybe it's the root of much of my depression, grasping to something that's been gone for a long time.
Trying to control something like that definitely takes a lot of energy and can be depressing, for sure.

The only thing that you can influence directly is your relationship with your husband. not as a competition, because another is in the picture, but as just something that can make you (and him) happy. I would say that focusing your energies on making that the bets it can be, given who you each are, would be far more productive and may end up with you being happier.

After all, he may never decide to leave you, no matter how good his other relationship is...
 
If I am understanding you right, you don't necessarily think your husband will leave you *right now* for this other woman, but you have grave fears that your husband will leave you *someday in the future.*

Yes, that's correct. I don't believe that he's making plans to leave me now. I do believe that he might one day do it in the future. Or what's worse, want to do it but won't and stay anyway. That just makes me pathetic.

You also spoke of not having the kind of romantic love in your marriage that you used to have, and this is a reason your husband might someday not want to be with you anymore.

Yes. But it's not the REASON. I know that he loves me. We have been together for a very long time and he supports me. However, what I failed to recognize for a very long time, that I recently recognized, is that although he loves me, he is IN LOVE with her. He won't tell me that directly because he knows it will hurt me but I recognize it.

I would point out that romantic relationships tend to change over time. In the beginning, there is a lot of NRE (New Relationship Energy), and the relationship seems very strong and intense. In later years, we lose some of that early excitement, and the relationship takes on more of a relaxed air. My question is, maybe you're experiencing this slow-down, and interpreting it as a loss of love? Maybe love is just changing, not dying

Oh I understand what NRE is and I understand that love evolves and settles down. This slow down has been in place for a long time. As I said, I know that he loves me. I don't doubt that. I also know that it's growing for her.

The NRE between them is gone too and he is very much in love with her. That's the scary part.

In any case, it shows great courage of you to be willing to let your husband go if he wants to be let go. I hope he will return the favor by staying with you voluntarily, but I realize I can't guarantee that..

That sure does make me look and sound very pathetic. I know that you meant well but "return the favor and stay voluntarily"? I'd much rather he leave than feel forced to stay with me.

The very fact that I have to beg him as it is to constantly reassure me that he loves me and desires me is starting to get old. I already recognize how pathetic I am for that. If I have to always ask the questions, don't I already
know the answers?

I was reading another thread on here by Cleo. And someone hit the nail on the head with their reply. Poly is great while both are enjoying other's company but when one loses that, the other one better watch out. Their outside relationship is put to the test then. Maybe if I start seeing my ex friend/lover again I'll go back to not giving a damn about my DH and his mistress again.


Have you and your husband ever had (or thought about having) couple's counseling? Perhaps if you could find a poly-friendly professional to talk to, a way might be found to "bring some of the spark" back intoyour marriage. Don't know if you've already been there, and had bad luck in the past.

No. I haven't. I already know my issues. He loves me but he's in love with her. And fighting that isn't going to make that better for me. But I'm sure going to try.
 
Trying to control something like that definitely takes a lot of energy and can be depressing, for sure.

The only thing that you can influence directly is your relationship with your husband. not as a competition, because another is in the picture, but as just something that can make you (and him) happy. I would say that focusing your energies on making that the bets it can be, given who you each are, would be far more productive and may end up with you being happier.

After all, he may never decide to leave you, no matter how good his other relationship is...

You all have this pie in the sky view that this can all work out and everyone can and will be happy.

I beg to differ.

I believe that open relationships can work. I believe that people can go out and have sex with anyone they please and that can work just fine.

Johnny Depp once said. If you find that you are in love with two women, choose the second one, because if you were truely in love with the first, you would have never had the need for the second.

And so many people on here KNOW that already and deny it, to themselves, to their partners. Poly whatever. Sure, you can love two people. I do believe that. But to think it will work long term? No. It won't.

Thanks for being kind to me. I don't know what your personal situation is, but I'm sure, based on everyone else on here, that it hasn't been without trouble.
 
Thanks for being kind to me. I don't know what your personal situation is, but I'm sure, based on everyone else on here, that it hasn't been without trouble.

For the past four years, it's actually gone quite well, says one of his partners. We've gone at it with openness and transparency at the fore. When one of us three hurts another, we do say what we're feeling and it gets sorted.

I hope I have not led her to believe she will be left. If I have, I do deeply regret it and hope there is some way she will trust that she won't, because I don't want him to leave her. He loves her so much. Do you know he was moved to tears on our first New Year's together? Just to have the three of us celebrating. It was what he really wanted: both of us.

Whose personal situation isn't without little troubles? But as far as I have seen, we've weathered whatever storms we've encountered and are stronger for our commitments.

Here's a thought exercise: what could she do to assure you that she's not trying to take him away?
 
For the past four years, it's actually gone quite well, says one of his partners. We've gone at it with openness and transparency at the fore. When one of us three hurts another, we do say what we're feeling and it gets sorted.

I hope I have not led her to believe she will be left. If I have, I do deeply regret it and hope there is some way she will trust that she won't, because I don't want him to leave her. He loves her so much. Do you know he was moved to tears on our first New Year's together? Just to have the three of us celebrating. It was what he really wanted: both of us.

Whose personal situation isn't without little troubles? But as far as I have seen, we've weathered whatever storms we've encountered and are stronger for our commitments.

Here's a thought exercise: what could she do to assure you that she's not trying to take him away?

Is his other partner on here? What does she really think of it all? He says...you say.....

What could SHE do to assure me that she's not trying to take him away? I don't belleve that she's TRYING to do that. As I said earlier, I don't believe she's doing anything wrong. She loves him. He loves her. They are in love with each other. She has asked me directly for more time with him. I have oblliged and allowed him that, but not without drama and making him feel bad. Yet he still goes to be with her, because he wants to be with her.
 
What could SHE do to assure me that she's not trying to take him away? I don't belleve that she's TRYING to do that. As I said earlier, I don't believe she's doing anything wrong. She loves him. He loves her. They are in love with each other.

Hey Lovefromgirl. I'm just curious. You say that you hope that Ciel's wife doesn't feel as if you are trying to take him away from her. But if she was, for the sake of conversation on here, what could she ask you and how would you answer that would make her feel more secure and trusting of you, yet allowing you to spare yourself from falling on the sword to make her feel better?

There's a fine line there.

And do you think, if she was that worried, that it would actually soothe her insecurities?

I don't believe it would. Just my thoughts. :D
 
Hey Lovefromgirl. I'm just curious. You say that you hope that Ciel's wife doesn't feel as if you are trying to take him away from her. But if she was, for the sake of conversation on here, what could she ask you and how would you answer that would make her feel more secure and trusting of you, yet allowing you to spare yourself from falling on the sword to make her feel better?

There's a fine line there.

And do you think, if she was that worried, that it would actually soothe her insecurities?

I don't believe it would. Just my thoughts. :D

Fair's fair! If she felt that way, I hope she would ask me, straight out, "Are you trying to take him away from me?"

And I would tell her, "No, I respect your relationship and the joy it brings to him." Because I do. There's no sword here to fall upon. I don't want her gone. I think the two of them suit splendidly and if I'm ever jealous of anything, it's how well they've built their lives together! :) She was there first. She deserves to stay there until she and he decide it's time she isn't, if they ever do. They're more til-death than my own parents in my mind.

Would it soothe her? That's not necessarily my responsibility. She has to take what information she has and make her own decisions. I can't control how she feels. If I try, I'm only hurting myself. But I can do my best to be honest and clear about my intentions and desires, in good faith with those around me.

What she doesn't get is a say in me being here. The time for that is long past. If having that say is the only thing that will enable her to cope, he would have to concur with her on the matter. I will not leave unless he does not want me, but if he does not want me, I will leave. Clear as mud, eh? It makes sense to me anyhow.
 
Is his other partner on here? What does she really think of it all? He says...you say.....

Honestly, you'd have to ask her what's in her heart. I know from our interactions that this is probably the best poly has ever worked for her, but I don't presume she's absolutely comfortable. She's monogamous. She takes a lot on trust in him, and I try to show that she can trust me, too.

Or you could ask CdM to ask her for her contact info (since she's closer to him) but you'll not hear from him before tomorrow. They're out with friends tonight, hopefully not getting eaten alive by mosquitoes!

What could SHE do to assure me that she's not trying to take him away? I don't belleve that she's TRYING to do that. As I said earlier, I don't believe she's doing anything wrong. She loves him. He loves her. They are in love with each other. She has asked me directly for more time with him. I have oblliged and allowed him that, but not without drama and making him feel bad. Yet he still goes to be with her, because he wants to be with her.

There's a thread in the Advice forum (or two) belonging to a woman who is struggling with the question of balancing needs. The OP is MonogamishSF. Part of what happened is that she did allow things to move forward without really being comfortable, and now she's got to get the proverbial cat back into the bag until she's genuinely comfortable with her partner trying again.

She has the benefit of her partner not having a secondary anymore. Your husband has a secondary (note wording; "mistress" is still derogatory). Perhaps in this situation, sitting down with them and saying, "I let things go too fast. I need you to work with me on this" would help. You are allowed to say you're not ready for them to spend more time together! But they're then allowed to do what they need to do with that information.

Poly is largely about owning your shit, I've discovered. I sure own more of mine than I ever did before.
 
Is his other partner on here? What does she really think of it all? He says...you say.....
No, she is not. She is monogamous, as I have mentioned before in other threads on here. She doesn't take part in poly forums any more, mostly because she doesn't see the need - I have encouraged her to do so, but she essentially says that she has worked out the things that need to be worked out and has other things to do.

At the start of our poly journey, over 15 years ago, it *was* rough, she was most definitely not poly and was, to be honest, facing a lot of the same questions that you have, in addition, going through the quite common "why aren't I enough for him" that come up in mono/poly situations. It took us many years, and the help of a professional counselor to work through everything to the point where things functioned.

Lovefromgirl isn't the first OSO that I have had. The first were rocky, but each time, we got better, each time she saw that I DID have a choice of who to be with and I chose to be with her AND with the other. That our relationship most definitely offered something unique that I would never find with another. Why on earth would I leave her? This works so well with lovefromgirl because both of them respect the other relationship, and both have been open and transparent about showing that, and expressing any concerns. This has not been the case in the past, and that just allows any trust issues to grow.

So for the three of us this is far from "pie in the sky" - this is our daily reality, and has been for the past four years.
 
Johnny Depp once said. If you find that you are in love with two women, choose the second one, because if you were truely in love with the first, you would have never had the need for the second.

I'm not sure that I would look to Johnny Depp for advice as to how to maintain a loving long-term relationship: (from Wikipedia)

Depp was married to Lori Anne Allison from 1983 to 1985. He was later successively engaged to actresses Jennifer Grey and Sherilyn Fenn in the late 1980s before proposing in 1990 to his Edward Scissorhands co-star Winona Ryder, for whom he tattooed "WINONA FOREVER" on his right arm. In 1998, following a four year relationship with British supermodel Kate Moss, Depp began a relationship with Vanessa Paradis, a French actress and singer whom he met while filming The Ninth Gate. After months of media speculation, Depp and Paradis announced their separation in June 2012.

...Sounds like he is following his own advice - not sure how well I think that is working for him.

Now, I don't claim to be any kind of relationship guru but the fact is that in my life I have fallen in love twice (both times caught me by surprise, both times I fought it for months), I have been in two serious relationships (the two that I am currently in) - so, from my standpoint I am batting 100%. So to say...

Daffodil said:
You all have this pie in the sky view that this can all work out and everyone can and will be happy...But to think it will work long term? No. It won't.

...strikes me as rather defeatist.

I don't think it is pie in the sky to think it CAN work out - which is not to say that it WILL work out. Does poly work for everyone? nope. Does poly work long-term for everyone? nope. Every relationship stretches and suffers growing pains at times - mono or poly. Adding more people certainly complicates things and sometimes those complications cause the relationship(s) to end. Sometimes poly brings out underlying problems in a relationship that would have doomed it anyway. AND, every once in a while, after bumps in the road and difficult discussions, it CAN, in fact, "work out".

JaneQ
 
I already know my issues. He loves me but he's in love with her. And fighting that isn't going to make that better for me. But I'm sure going to try.

Here's an issue that you might not have considered.

Your deliberate, desperate actions may force him to make decisions that he's uncomfortable with, like cancelling dates with his girlfriend, lying, ommission of details, all in the effort to spare your feelings and to spare himself the drama of dealing with explaining to his loving girlfriend that YOU are the reason he's doing these things. And causing further animosity between you both.

And because of that, YOU will be the reason that it will end with her. Congratulations! You won! But did you really? Your actions will hurt the man that you love, causing him pain to lose this woman that he is deeply in love with.

Why can't you just believe him when he says that he won't leave you? What has he ever done for you to doubt his commitment to you? Why would you puposely try to hurt him and his girlfriend?

I'm sorry if this is coming off strong, but I'm living his nightmare right now. And nobody wins. :(




Fair's fair! If she felt that way, I hope she would ask me, straight out, "Are you trying to take him away from me?"

And I would tell her, "No, I respect your relationship and the joy it brings to him." Because I do. There's no sword here to fall upon. I don't want her gone. I think the two of them suit splendidly and if I'm ever jealous of anything, it's how well they've built their lives together! :) She was there first. She deserves to stay there until she and he decide it's time she isn't, if they ever do. They're more til-death than my own parents in my mind.

Would it soothe her? That's not necessarily my responsibility. She has to take what information she has and make her own decisions. I can't control how she feels. If I try, I'm only hurting myself. But I can do my best to be honest and clear about my intentions and desires, in good faith with those around me.

What she doesn't get is a say in me being here. The time for that is long past. If having that say is the only thing that will enable her to cope, he would have to concur with her on the matter. I will not leave unless he does not want me, but if he does not want me, I will leave. Clear as mud, eh? It makes sense to me anyhow.

Makes sense to me, too. Thanks for sharing. :)

My point was that you can say all that you want, if the wife is suffering from insecurity, paranoia, jealousy, envy, etc, as Daffodil is doing, there is nothing that can be said, by the girlfriend that can ease that. Distrust is distrust. It's up to the hinge to made that work. And, as my point stated above, he may feel compelled to do some less than honorable things to make that happen. Then everyone loses.
 
My point was that you can say all that you want, if the wife is suffering from insecurity, paranoia, jealousy, envy, etc, as Daffodil is doing, there is nothing that can be said, by the girlfriend that can ease that. Distrust is distrust. It's up to the hinge to made that work. And, as my point stated above, he may feel compelled to do some less than honorable things to make that happen. Then everyone loses.
Which is precisely the reason why this sort of situation is absolutely horrible for the hinge. The whole idea of poly is for everyone to be open and honest. If the situation won't allow that then this is a horrible pressure to have.

I think that a lot of these types of cases (and I think that Daffodil's is maybe NOT typical, since they came at this from a more swing style of open) are caused by folks going ahead and starting something where there are already some massive yellow (or red) flags around that the spouse is really NOT going to be ok with it. Not only not ok with it, but actively disapprove of it. Been there, done that, and it was horrible for everyone, including me. I learned from that, and won't enter into that sort of thing again.
 
Lovefromgirl,

What's the point of the mental exercise?

Cdm,
how many relationships have you had in the 15 yrs. Any patterns... life cycles ? Have you done multi at the same time. The suggestion is longevity and repeated exposure could be a key element.

How did you wife come to terms with not being the one ? Are there things that she or you have ...do ..or share to make your relationship special?
 
how many relationships have you had in the 15 yrs. Any patterns... life cycles ? Have you done multi at the same time. The suggestion is longevity and repeated exposure could be a key element.
Ah, finally I get the barrage of dingedheart's questions! ;)

In terms of longish-term relationships, rather than ones that for one reason or another didn't really get off the ground, four would be the number. Each one has been longer than the previous ones, as we've worked out more and more how it works.

I don't really know that there is any pattern - of those four, two I met online, two I met in person first. Lovefromgirl is the first person that knew about poly before I met her, and I think that this helped tremendously. One was ended by me, because it just wasn't working out, two were ended by them when they realised that in spite of initially thinking they were, poly really wasn't for them. One lasted 9 months, the others, more than 2 years. The current configuration is the most stable - it has lasted 4 years.

Yes, there are many things that we do to make our relationship special. There are many things that LoveFromGirl and I do to make OUR relationship special too. Isn't that what having a relationship is all about?


As far as "multi", I assume you mean have I been in more than two relationships at the same time? No, I haven't. I tend to like to spend a lot of time and energy on the folks I am with, and with my busy work life and my love of travel, I don't really feel that I could do justice to more than two. I'm not excluding the possibility, but it would definitely have to "fit" well.

How did you wife come to terms with not being the one ? Are there things that she or you have ...do ..or share to make your relationship special?
My partner and I did a lot of work, which I have spoken about at length in other threads. As a recap, though - a lot of it had to do with building trust - a challenge when our minds are wired differently as to what a relationship means. So much that I was expressing didn't compute for her, so she assumed that I was blowing smoke - it took a while, and the help of a couples counsellor to establish that we DO think quite differently, and have to take it on faith, even when the gut says that it doesn't make sense.

Even now, we have to have "tuning" sessions once in a while, just to reinforce this. But we have both learned and these sessions get fewer and more far-between and, in a lot of ways, easier.

There is no magic pill, no silver bullet, no magic wand - it takes work and commitment on both sides.

I have made the statement to her that I know she wishes that I was mono, and I think initially, she did, but now she says that she is in love with ME, not some idealised version of me, and she accepts me for who I am, and doesn't wish that I would change, because then I wouldn't be ME.

Hopefully this answers your questions ;)
 
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Lovefromgirl,

What's the point of the mental exercise?

To figure out what Daffodil wants to hear, other than "I'm gone, he's all yours." To see what might help her cope. I do believe she can.
 
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