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Old 12-18-2013, 09:26 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 7,309

I want to be able to communicate without her feeling guilty/stressed and leaping to the "I just shouldn't date him" solution.
You BROADCAST a message.
She RECEIVES it, and then choose to do X with it.

You could examine how you broadcast. For example...

I told GF that reverting back to long late night chats every few nights like they did when they dated wasn't as slow as I'd expected. However, I wasn't expecting her to change anything; just to acknowledge it and discuss it with me.
Did you add that part out loud? When you said that to her?

Making random "announcements" is a good way to get people defensive. Like "Well... whaddaya want ME to do about it!? Mind reader you?!"

It's clearer and simpler to state what you expect /do not expect up front. Even if you state "I don't expect you to do anything about it."

Then there is no reason from YOU for them to get defensive. They might still be from other reasons, but not from you.

Does anyone have any advice at all about positive ways to communicate? If I'm encouraging her to date him again, should I essentially just keep any discomfort to myself?
Could look up NVC resources.

You could express your discomfort.

But you could ask her for her preferences for how you broadcast that discomfort to her so she can best receive and process it and be willing to work with you. Orally? Written? At bedtime? In the morning after a good night rest? Something else?

It is unfortunate that he was being pushy and getting her cranked up. Then you maybe came in on that and received the emotional upset she was experiencing.

You could point that out -- she could be upset with his pushy behavior and try not to aim it at you.

If she keeps going "Maybe I should just break up with him!" and her heart isn't in this? You could tell her if her heart isn't in it, she could decide to break up then. That is HER choice.

You are willing to try, but if her OWN willingness is parked at "meh"... let's not all go through this for a "meh."

Her "willing" and her "able" is where on this one?

Right now I'm guessing that she's willing... but not sure she is able?

You guys could talk about that.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-19-2013 at 03:03 AM.
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