Please Help

sassykiten83

New member
Hi All,
Well I am new here but need some help to understand if I am being used or overly sensitive.

Anyways, I made a comment about wanting sex and was told no because we aren't trying for a baby yet so what's the point. I am very angry and hurt because it feels like they only want me to be a baby maker for them. I don't know how I am supposed to take it. I mean we are allsupposed to be in a poly relationship yet I have had sex once in two months. He mubbled something about being in charge of when sex happens and not playing this game with me when I was walking out of the room. Am I being unreasonable to want sex? I know it's not our whole relationship butit kinda makes me feel like a brood mare when I am denied because it isn't time to start trying yet.

Any insight please?
 
If you cannot leave that just confirms you should.

You are being used. Now you can either face that or you could become the brood mare they want. Since you are being denied intimacy now, don't you think that once you give them that baby they will ignore you further? I am not going to drag this out, I am not going to indulge hearing about their 'good sides' and I am not going to find ways to make them give you more sex as if that is the 'real' problem. It isn't, the real problem is that you are being used. No amount of perfume won't hide the stench of rot.

I don't know why you can't leave, I hope you are just using can't instead of won't and you just mean you don't want to leave because it would be hard, rather than the idea that you might be locked up in chains....however if you are not locked in chains, don't you think it is a bit ott to claim you can't leave. Have you no friends or family? Are these people your only world?

Leave and whatever you do, don't give a baby to these people, that is disgusting, they will probably just try to steal it from you anyway.
 
Oh wanted to also ask if my feeling hurt is valid? I just feel like I give give give and never even get a Thank you. For Example, she hasn't felt well so I have been cooking cleaning attending to everyones needs and get told if I cry to knock off my boo hooing and grow up. Really? I am not a child nor am I person without feeling
Sassy
 
When I say I can't leave it's a big issue. One my family disowned me years ago. As far as friends go I maybe have one friend but she isn't in a postion to help. If I left I would have nowhere to go. I also don't have money to leave.

I know this stinks. I am just trying to find a solution I guess that makes us all happy. I just feel hurt and even more hurt by the fact that usually she has had my back on every issue andthis time said nothing.
 
I just wish I could it right but hard to do when I am so far away from anyone I know.

I am just trying to figure out the where's and how's. I don't know anyone locally. I also don't have a car and it's an hr drive to town. Please understand I am not being beaten or anything.
 
I am just trying to figure out the where's and how's. I don't know anyone locally. I also don't have a car and it's an hr drive to town. Please understand I am not being beaten or anything.

You don't have to be beaten to be abused. From what you have said this is not Poly, it's sexual slavery.

I don't know where you are but there are some very well informed people on here who could give you some ideas of resources to help you escape from your situation. Best of luck to you.
 
June emandoer

I live in Idaho. I don't want to give a specific location but I would be interested in whatever advice everyone would like to come up with.
 
Is this a kink thing? If so, it doesn't mean that the advice to get out is different, it just affects how I will give my advice. By kink thing I mean a relationship with a power exchange outside the bedroom.
 
I just feel hurt and even more hurt by the fact that usually she has had my back on every issue andthis time said nothing.

Maybe she too is being hurt at times you don't see. Maybe if she speaks up for you she gets hurt now. Maybe she's got to keep it all for herself to keep herself safe? :confused:

Could visit the middle of this page in general to see what "stage" you are in and tactics in particular here:

http://speakoutloud.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/tactics-power-and-control.pdf

Take it to highlighter. You don't have to be beaten up to be abused. There's emotional, mental, and psychological abuse too. Just as hurtful. WORSE maybe because if you show up with broken bones or a black eye, other people will notice and possibly help. The bruises the other abuses leave on the INSIDES do not show as obviously. Be careful, stay safe.

You already tell about one sided stuff where he makes all the choices, minimizing your feelings, isolation, unable to leave, and emotionally unkind... could check it out and highlight the rest of it to help you see what you have there.

If you find that you need to make a safety plan and find somewhere to land and recover -- call shelters. Hopefully in a safe way -- maybe your friend can call information for you so the other people in the home aren't hearing you. Watch out for your computer access/computer time. Don't need anyone peeking at what you are researching. If you need to find Idaho specific pages, google it with "idaho" in there.

You may not be free to leave just like that -- not just because of money access or access to town being 60 min out but because leaving is the dangerous time. There's preventing you from leaving abuse and separation abuse once left. Sigh. I am sorry you are dealing in this. I encourage you to tap your county offices and get professional help. Don't worry about speaking up about your situation -- they've heard it all. And they will have the resources to help you get out and rebuild afterward. Still plan to LEAVE... but leave with a safety plan in place.

I am so sorry you are hurting like this. :(

You have every right to feel whatever it is you feel -- and feeling hurt when people do hurtful things to you -- that is NORMAL reaction.

You seem like you are listing the things that need to change for you to be able to leave. Could try expanding on that if it helps you sort out your thoughts. List the obstacles to your leaving, the pros/cons of staying and the pros/cons of leaving. Not make any decisions but just get the lay of the land? See what you have there? Just keep those notes hidden/online/secret so they aren't used against you.

Remember that you have worth, dignity, and value even if right now you are being poorly treated.

Namaste,
Galagirl
 
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run now!!

You need to get out now while you can. Once you give them that baby it is only going to get worse. If your poly find a couple who will love and respect you for you and not just the fact that you can give them a child. Poly is about love and mutual respect for one another. Sex should be the topping to a nice relationship and we have found in our poly experience that there is actually quite a bit of it....lol. Do yourself a favor and get the hell out of there before your all sorry.
 
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