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Old 12-14-2013, 12:03 AM
Spock Spock is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: East Bay California
Posts: 134

Holidays are busy!

But you knew that right? Going to get my first live Christmas tree this weekend, wife is still enjoying the company of other guys but has also been sick and tired for the last week so hasn't really gone out of her way to do anything.

I'm still focused on her, and have been very happy around her, and still feel a twinge of jealousy and sadness when I'm reminded that she wants to spend time with other guys. I cherish every moment she chooses to be with me however.

I keep reminding myself that it's okay for her to develop relationships with other people, and other guys. The difficulty is in telling myself it's okay that she wants more than friendship. We had a serious poly talk a couple weeks ago, and that has been settling in for a while.

Part of my hangup is that I've been patient and dedicated and committed to her for several years now, and we have been exploring our own sexuality together the entire time, and I harbor some resentment when someone is more aggressive and demanding and forward with her and I feel like I've been wasting my time. Yes, it's dumb to think of it that way because sex with my wife isn't a reward, but I still feel cheated because many things I want to do had been sidelined for years because of kids and health and personal comfort levels.

We've been married 8 years now, and it seems to have taken that long for us to have really hit the sweet spot in our own sexual relationship. Things are awesome for two months, then she gets a job 280 miles away so I only get to see her for 8 days a month or so for four months before I finally get a job out here too.

So for four months I was stressed out and scared because I had no idea what she wanted and felt like I was losing control of my life. For two months or so I struggle with myself while she is actively trying to date other men.

So I finally got to French kiss my wife in public last month for the first time ever after letting her know that I had been waiting for years to do so, and upset that her first date with R2 had ended with such a kiss (though initiated by him). I'm also holding her and touching her in public, now, too.
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