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Old 11-15-2013, 10:02 PM
Spock Spock is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: East Bay California
Posts: 134
Default To boldly go where no one has gone before

Well, not really. The whole point of this exercise is that I am surrounded by like people on both sides of the fence.

I already created an intro, here, but thought it might be more correct to actually write here.

Since Please has already gone out on two/three dates, I figure I should fill in the backstory so that my posts going forward make more sense.

My wife got a new job, a very exciting one, since prior to that she had been a housewife and doing part time retail stuff. Unfortunately the job meant she had to live 300 miles away for 5 days at a time for 4 months straight, coming home on the weekends. Coupled with that was my own job search so we could be together, which was of course filled with about 50 rejections, so I was feeling particularly miserable. On top of that of course was the fact that I was also still working a dayjob and coming home to two kids at night. Thank god my sister in law was so nice as to help us watch them!

Of course there were some rough spots. My wife would go out drinking with co-workers when I desperately needed affirmation that everything was going to be okay, that we would in fact live in the same household, and that she wasn't taking advantage of me by finding a new husband. We hadn't even talked about poly at the time, so I was concerned when she was tipsy so she crashed at a guy's house for a couple hours, and this happened three times with different guys.

She told me she was flirting with them, and how a couple of them were cute, but she was being good, so all I had was fear, really, and doubt, but nothing really to be upset about. I wasn't helping because in my fear I was constantly ruining her evenings out by texting her every 10 minutes. Now she leaves her phone off, or turns off notifications, when she wants to have fun, which of course leaves me feeling a little panicky.

Things do get better! The guy she is flirting with politely turns her down and asks she talk to me, and suggests we read the Ethical Slut; she does, finally, come clean to me and we talk one weekend and we both start reading the book.

Things magically got even better. I got two interviews at two fantastic companies and she promised she would slow down and wait until we were back together again; she has her own story here, of course, because being turned down broke her heart, but I think it was fair given that:
1) She was married
2) We had no agreements

Had he not turned down my wife, I don't think I would have been very happy, nor would I have been willing to talk to him afterwards (we have met twice now and have had fun, but not talked anything poly).

So now we are living in one apartment again, in the same state! We see each other every night and every morning, and have since then been talking about the poly life.

As best as I understand it, she has these deep emotional responses she would regret not at least considering, and these are:
1) Sexual
2) Loving
3) Sharing

So we are exploring that now, together. She has gone out on two official dates with two guys (the second guy was yesterday for lunch, which is why I joined this forum!) and is in the process of using me to seduce her second love, D, by having us play Go together.

R1, her first date, has not contacted her again in a month, while R2, her second date, already wants another and has suggested a friend he knows to make everyone 'even steven' for the short term. I think the biggest struggle right now when she goes out is the fact that when she goes out she loses track of time; she says she'll be out for two hours but is then gone for three.

She is aware of that, and how it is unfair to set my expectations and then ignore them. Will keep posting as I have the feels.
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