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Old 08-02-2010, 02:26 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Originally Posted by Mendalla View Post
I tend to feel that focussing on one person (at a time, mind you) is what gives depth and intimacy in a relationship. If we start having other people involved in a relationship both emotionally and physically, then that seems like it will reduce the depth and intimacy by dividing it up or, more accurately, spreading it out. This may not be as much of a problem if the multiple relationships are primarily physical, since I can accept the idea that physical pleasure can be focussed on a per occasion basis. However, it is very hard to see how one's love, affection, etc. can be spread across multiple partners in the longterm without somehow reducing the depth. Love may be infinite (not convinced of that, though), but there's a strong impulse in my mono heart to see it as on some way finite.
My bold.

There's the rub, right there. Love is infinite. One can deeply love more than one person at once. Can't you deeply love your sister and your mother? Doesnt a parent (ideally) love each child as deeply as if it was her only child?

To continue the child metaphor...

Many mothers who become pregnant a second time do wonder if they can possibly love the 2nd child as much as they do the first. Once the baby comes, they do. Then of course, at first there is NRE between the mother and the newborn, and she must make an effort to pay enough attention to the older child. But once the dust settles, this become effortless.

It can seem like more work parenting/loving 2 children, but in the long run, having 2 (or more) kids, is actually good for everyone... the siblings entertain each other, learn from each other, and the parents get to see the first child is her own person (as is the 2nd child), born w unique qualities, and not just a product of their (im)perfect parenting.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
BigGuy (poly, M, married, 43, dating me since late summer 2018)
Ravi (poly, M, married, 37, dating me since late summer 2018)
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