I know this thread has gone into 'off topic' category on the surface, but I think it still relates to the porn-topic, as how we are in our daily interactions, can affect how we view porn. They are connected.
Here is something I discovered over the weekend. The term 'lovers' and its actual meaning :
'Could we go back to having lovers?
The difference between lovers and friends with benefits isn’t that having a lover lasts longer. From what I can glean from all the books, the relationship with a lover was fundamentally doomed, and everyone knew that going in. The difference is that there was supposed to be emotion in the scenario. People were, in fact, supposed to revel in the emotions. Part of the fun of being lovers – whether it’s of The Bridges of Madison County variety or the Paolo and Francesca variety – is that, for the time the relationship was occurring, you were expected to care intensely about the other person.
Of course, that emotion can boil over in negative ways. But at least with a lover you’ll be permitted to share your emotions, even if you’ve both agreed early on that you’re not going to end up together and will continue seeing other people. And besides, in a friends with benefits relationship, where the default emotional setting seems to be “show no emotion for fear of seeming too intense” – well, it all boils over anyway. Eventually, someone is going to show up drunk at your doorstep screaming and crying “why don’t you love me?” You just don’t get to make passionate declarations about how this other person is your sun and moon and stars first. And those declarations seem exciting and cool and something worth reminiscing with your grandchildren about one day.
Saying “then he stood me up for two hours so he could play x-box with his friends and I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to seem ‘crazy’” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
To hell with friends with benefits. Let’s bring back all the emotions. All the emotions that accompany lust with an inappropriate person, anyway.
Or, you could just date.'
- Google ; 'Lets forget friends with benefits'
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I do not identify as 'poly' either, and havent for a long while now, but because FWB and FB are seen in various manners, I was looking up other avenues.
We need to remember that 'love' can be NSA too. It`s rare, but you can love someone without wanting anything with them, or from them in a tangible way.
You can also have fwb, a designed relationship, and not want love.
- Love is a choice for some people. While others feel persuaded by it.
- Swingers are not the anti-christ for gawd sakes. There as as many ways to do swinging, as there is poly. Don`t believe me ? head over to the swinger board, and see all the stories of frustration, from people not able to find what they are looking for. They aren`t sexual robots.
- You can have consensual, casual sex, and not be incapable of loving.
- You can be loving, and not want casual sex.
I find a wide variety of relationships interest me. I also find a wide variety of porn interests me. I can get off on vanilla porn, if I think the people are really into each other. I can also get off on the rough, casual, dirty sex. Hell, the Houton 500 ( 620) left me fascinated ! To each their own.
Basically, find what works for you, and then find compatible porn to diddle to.
But stop the holier-then-thou approach to life, love, and porn material.
Nuff said.