Aurelie, something you should keep in mind your bf is passing his NRE stage as well with you perhaps, that could be another factor in not waiting up for you.
I really think you need to let it go. I might mean a lot to you, but it doesn't mean anything healthy. If you really want you relationship with your bf to thrive, you have a lot of work to be doing on your own. The more you share about your relationship the more likely it seems to me that your boyfriend might be having the attitude he has because you have other stuff going on.
Having read all of these books, I highly recommend them for your particular situation, for your boyfriend to read too. Sounds like he could use his own help for setting boundaries.
Thank you for the links Anne. They look interesting, I will read them and I hope they help. I guess controlling people dont think they are controlling do they? Thing is, I really dont think I am, and neither is my bf. I would say we are both very laid back. I do not cope with confrontation very well, and will do almost anything to avoid it. I think that my bf is the same, and thats why we have been able to do this for nearly a year without any real problems, up till recently anyway. I now think that this has not been such a great thing, and that we should have been talking about everything all through our relationship, I think that is more healthy.
What do you think your need for having him awake when you arrive home (after your dates with lover) is based on.
Need of reassurance that what you're doing is ok.? convincing self, ease guilt... if any.
Need of reassurance that what just occurred isn't really....really bothering boyfriend. At least not enough to cause big problems.
Some other need ...????.
Well, I just want a hug, I just want some affection and tenderness from him, it's not what I get from my lover. My bf just has a way of making me feel loved, and I know that my son feels the same way about him. My bf is not afraid to express his feelings that way.
I think it's also a way for me to tell him that although I have been with my lover, I'm back now, and that I will always come back to him, because he is the person, along with my son that I need, and love the most.
To help me ease guilt, yes a little, and also a kiss & cuddle was a way for him to tell me it was o.k. Reassurance, yes for sure..
Did you set a specific time that you would be home so that he isn't stuck waiting indefinitely? I think that is an important sign of your willingness to work with him to make him more comfortable with the situation.
Yes Km34, we did set a specific time for me to come in last night, I asked him what time he wants me home, and he said 10.30pm. That's is early, seeing as sometimes I dont get back till gone midnight, but I said o.k. I got in at 10.15, and he was waiting for me.
People reading this must think I'm nuts, but I can't tell you how much it meant to me and I got a bit emotional.
Max was in our bed, but my bf explained that Max and him have got into this habit. He gives him his bath, and then they watch dvds or play X box in bed, and then have a cuddle while reading him a story, and then he falls asleep.
My bf and I had a kiss and cuddle like we used to, and we have arranged a sitter for Max on Sunday. We have both agreed that we need to talk about things, I have told him that he can ask me anything he wants and I will answer him, and he has agreed to do the same.
I hope it goes o.k