I already answered this for RP on facebook, but I'll share what I posted there here too.
"I don't view commitment in the traditional sense. My heart adopts people, sometimes before rational thought; some romantically; some children; some just friends. But once that happens, those people are "mine" and I will do everything in my power to see them safe, happy, and loved. We are, as some say, fate bound to be part of each other's lives in some way or another until this life parts us."
To that extent, commitment comes from my spirit/ soul/ or whatever you want to call it. It isn't something that I can take back; comes with a fierce loyalty; and does not fade as the person's role in my life changes or distance separates us. Once I am aware that my spirit has committed to someone, I can take actions to deepen that commitment if necessary.
I am committed to a handful of people. Romantically there is Runic Wolf, Wendigo, and Pretty Lady. I also have adopted Stew (a longtime friend with occasional benefits) and his ex-girlfriend, N (who is also a longtime friend with occasional benefits), my good friend Purple, and while these are all people that I am attracted to, are my soul friends. Then there are the children who I am committed to, my son Yoda and my adopted niece, Mia. In each of these people, there was a sense of being "home" when I am with them.
I honestly couldn't tell you what makes some people worthy and some not because that is not where my commitment comes from.
Nice baby. This from a man that is not likely going to divorce his wife (who he has been separated from for almost four years now) and marry me. Why? Because he did it once already and doesn't feel the need to do that again. So I am more committed to you? Hm.... ponderI'll admit that I see people who get married as more committed then those who aren't. I think that is why I believe in relationship hierarchies. The married people always seem more committed and much more resilient than additional relationships.
I've recently decided that commitment looks to me like choosing someone, really knowing and wanting them. When I'm in a committed head-space, I don't have ideas of forever after, but I have the sense that I am working together with a loved one towards something quality, something that is worth the effort, and something that I invest in because it's evident to me that it will be valuable as a long term endeavor...
I have had trouble committing to people before because for me, the sense of trust was tied up with it... security, understanding... they all blend together into knowing that your partner is there and really strongly wanting to be there yourself in the same way.
I suppose the crux is intention. I've had lots of cool people in my life that were accidental, experimental, just out of consciousness somehow... but the real relationships, the committed ones, felt more deliberate somehow.
I should add that, of course, commitment is definitely much more than a promise. The important part of the contract is following through on your commitment and doing what you say you are committed to do.... when I think of the word "commitment" I think of people aligning themselves toward the same goal. Basically, it's like a contract or agreement, and the commitment will mean whatever the people involved want it to mean, depending on what they're committing to.
They can be in an open relationship and committed to honesty and safer sex; they can be poly-fi and committed to being faithful to each other; they can be monogamous and committed to growing old together. Of course, these are just a few scenarios off the top of my head, but you get the idea. It can be any combination of whatever the people want. But I do think progression toward deeper understanding and knowledge of each other, and self-growth, is a part of being committed.
I think that, simply, the act of committing to/with someone is a form of allegiance and a promise to work toward something and support each other in that endeavor.
It was a tangential discussion on someone's thread. I had mentioned commitment and actually it was Mono who asked me to elaborate on what that meant for me. So the quote I included here was my answer to him.Hey NYC, what is the link on that? Was it another thread on this topic?