Just LR

He's COMING HOME! Finally

Maca flies home Wednesday.
No work in site here for an undetermined amount of time.
But it's been 8 months and we're all done with the being apart thing. He flies in Wednesday afternoon and I'm looking forward to it!
 
All the gifts are wrapped (except the one ordered for GG that hasn't arrived) and under the tree.
Today Maca and I were out in the snow taking sexy, naughty pics. It was cold as FUCK. But it was fun anyway.
Tonight we will put together the new bed for Sour Pea. It's a loft like bed with shelving and cabinets underneath. That will open up more floor space for her room.

We're all doing well. The family is doing ok. There's been a glitch with GG and I for months. It's not a matter of fighting. We aren't fighting (we really don't fight). But there is a distance. His world revolves around his job (even though he would swear otherwise). He left before 7am yesterday and didn't make it home til after 7pm. But it was an "8 hour shift". That's TYPICAL. It's also typical that the weekends-he gets called out. I have given up on having dates with him, personal time, anything really-because he's not available with any amount of predictability.
 
So-what happens?

I haven't said much about what has been going on with GG and I this year, because... well nothing has been going on. Not that there was no drama (which there wasn't), but that there has quite literally been NOTHING going on.
In January, we talked about how his choices regarding his job (not a career path-a job) were negatively impacting our relationship. Specifically; the supervisors take advantage of him and he allows it. He's paid salary, so regardless of hours worked, his pay doesn't change.
They press him to work more and more hours each week. He averages 60-80 hours a week. He works (in theory) m-f and is on-call for emergencies. He was hired to work 3pm-12am M-F and be on call for emergencies.But-he generally works 1pm-1 or 2 am 2-3 days a week and the others he goes in at 11am and works through until 1 or 2 am. Additionally he takes calls throughout the night and over the weekend. It's common for him to be gone dealing with work stuff at least one day over the weekend for 4-6 hours. It's not unusual for it to be both days at least one weekend a month.

That alone paints a clear enough picture of how tough it is for us to have ANY time together.
But when you add into it that I have class 2 days a week in the morning, so I leave at 6:45 am and return by 2 or 3 (depends on traffic) in the afternoon.
1 day a week the kids have class at 10am, so we're out the door by 9:45 am and not home until after 4.
The kids and I tend to be in bed between 8-10 pm (youngest at 8, me about 9 and oldest kiddo by 10). We're all up by 7am (except the days I have to be up at 5:30).
Basically; GG and I don't see each other at all.

In April we went as a family to Hawaii. I can't say even now what GG's issue was, but he was grumpy and moody and off in his own little world the whole two weeks. Maca made arrangements to take the boy out on a boat trip so GG and I could have a date day. GG was gloomy through the whole date. (I also had one date morning with Maca-we went snorkeling). GG spent a large amount of his time on the computer or watching movies on his own in another room of our condo. His mood was negative enough that Maca was wondering WTF was wrong with him and even Sour Pea-who is usually attached to his hip, was avoiding him.

Maca was working out of town all of May, July, all but 1 week in August, all but 4 days in September, all of October, all but 1 week in Nov. All of Dec until the 21st.

In ALL of that time; GG and I never got a date. We slept in the same room a half a dozen times.

In July, before I went to see Maca in Kodiak, I let GG know something had to give. He needed to make a decision about what his priorities were because I couldn't continue with things the way they were.
He assured me he was going to take the week I was gone to talk to supervisors and if they weren't going to lay off, he was going to get a different job. Keeping in mind-Alaska is NOT in a recession the way the rest of the country has been. We haven't had ANY issues with not having enough work. He COULD find another job relatively easily. He's had other job offers. But he LIKES working where he works.

Well-nothing changed. I had a long, deep heart to heart with myself about it. My conclusion was and is; that he has a right to make choices I don't like. He has a right to choose to commit himself to a job that takes advantage of him. He has a right to not prioritize time with me.
(In all of this he has coordinated his lunch breaks so that he can continue tucking in Sour Pea at night-and he does go through her chores and some school work with her in the mornings before he leaves-so she is not feeling neglected)
He has a right to live his life as he see's fit.
I don't have a right to control that.

I have a right to determine that I'm not going to be in a dating relationship with someone I can't have a date with for 9 months straight (not due to any unusual emergency situation). I have a right to not sit around waiting for him to be available to spend time with me. I have a right to not disrupt my sleep to go curl up in his room-when he isn't going to know I was there ANYWAY because he's exhausted from lack of sleep due to his work schedule. I have a right to not try to sleep in a room where a phone is going to be continually waking me up all night and the other person climbing in and out of bed, taking calls and going out to deal with work shit, throughout the night.

So-when I returned from my trip and it became evident after a week that nothing had changed; I altered my days/nights. I started taking the kids to the gym a few days a week-without worrying about "maybe today he will be home". I started sleeping in my own room every night (it's amazing what getting a good nights sleep EVERY NIGHT will do for a person). I quit asking about his work schedule. If he's here, he's here. If he's not, he's not. If I have plans, I write them on the calendar. But I don't plan on him participating-and then I don't get my feelings hurt when he is NEVER available.

AFTER Maca returned Dec. 21st GG noticed the changes.... he asked me if I was ok because I "seemed distant".
I reiterated (in a long version) what I have written here.
He got his feelings hurt because he didn't feel like I was being fair. His argument is "I NEED a job".
I didn't argue. He asked me what other option he had and I reminded him, when he asked me AND my sister that last January-we both told him he should devote an hour or two a week to searching for a BETTER FITTING JOB. Because they ARE out there and they ARE available. He did-for about 2 weeks and he FOUND several. But he wanted to "try to work things out" with the job he's in. Which is FINE-but it is HIS choice and it does have consequences.
Especially since-it hasn't been resolved.

He avoided me for a week or so. Then two days ago wrote me a letter saying he was sorry, he loves me and he understands why it was over. I didn't reply.
He then wrote me another yesterday asking me if I was playing certain music on purpose to hurt him (I wasn't). It was the new Pink album and I ALWAYS play it to put the grand baby to sleep. He likes it. I have been playing it for MONTHS on a daily basis. So the question was kind of silly-except I know it's just because he's FINALLY realizing that something significant has changed.
I didn't say a word to him about it-but to some degree I am disgusted by the fact that it took him SO FUCKING LONG to realize that something has changed.
Something significant enough for him to cry himself to sleep over, the last two nights... but he didn't notice it for almost 6 months.

Multiple times over the last 9 months Maca, seeing that I'm not happy with how things are going with GG, has tried to set up date times for GG and I. But GG hasn't made use of any of them. He's been supportive and understanding and tried to be helpful. He's finally started realizing that his attitudes affect everyone and that he can alter the way the family functions by small changes in how he communicates with us. It's resulted in him spending a LOT more quality time with everyone when he is around (he was gone TOO MUCH).
Since he's been back, he's made a point of spending a good portion of every day with the family, including one on one time with each child and me. He's helped with babysitting the grand kids and spent time hugging and loving on them. He's tried to engage GG as well.
But he noticed QUICKLY that GG is never around. He was disconcerted by it-he had listened to me say it many times before-but he wasn't here. He was a bit baffled and upset by the fact that while he was gone; I was basically on my own with the kids-because GG has been LOST in the world of his job. He can't comprehend why GG wouldn't have taken advantage of the opportunity to spend more time with me-even taken some of his vacation time from work-because Maca was gone AND he was making enough extra $ working out of town-that GG could have lost his job and our income wouldn't have dropped from it's normal level..... (he gets paid vacation time anyway-so that wasn't an issue-but the point is the same).

It's been baffling. I haven't really talked to anyone because it's too complicated to explain.
Are we fighting? No
Is he moving out? No
Is either of us looking to date someone else? No

How do you explain "nothing is happening". Literally; nothing.....
 
That's hard LR. I wither if I don't get enough time with partners. As do my relationships. It's painful to imagine going for months without meaningful interaction. (Glad to hear he is keeping his agreements with the kids. That's hopeful.) With Maca gone a lot, you must feel alone. I am so sorry. That sucks.

Sounds like something is going on with GG. No idea what - he may not consciously know - but something about that job, about being needed and on call all the time ties into something in his psyche.

Now that he has noticed a difference with you, maybe he will be able to talk about what is going on with him. I hope so.

<<Hugs>>
 
Tough.

That's a tough spot to be in - to recognize that this is his choice, and give him the space to make it, but to largely be unfulfilled by the situation. It sounds like you are truly in need of some serious quality time, and hope that you're able to find some way to create that with him. Waiting on him to do something doesn't sound like it's yielding the results you want it to - is there something that he LOVES to do that you could organize to create with him? Reaching - I know you're trying hard.
 
Gah, sorry to hear that. Some of it sounds similar to some past experiences I've had - it's so odd how you can try so hard to express your needs and wants to somebody for a long time and have them not hear it for months. I hope he is in a place to really recognize what his choices really mean for your relationship and the future, so he can make sure he's making them consciously.

I like how you are handling it - seems like you're looking out for yourself, not being mean, just factual, and trying to accept who he is and what he is offering at the moment. I know I have trouble doing that, I'll try to keep this example in mind in the future.

*hug*
 
I was hurt.
I was angry.
I am still confused.

But mostly at this point, I'm just tired.
Working on acceptance.

I am not generally mean or vindictive-so it's not hard to avoid being that way.
The hardest part is that I want to ask a million questions. But I already HAVE asked them and the answers don't match the actions. I've heard the answers repeatedly. He's talented at saying exactly what I would like to hear. But his actions are directly contradictory to his words.
So asking questions is a waste of energy.

I could psychoanalyze and guess as to why he's doing this that or the other thing. With 20 years of relationship, I have a pretty good idea of what drives him.
But the thing is-that it doesn't matter if I know what is driving him or not. It doesn't change anything.

I know he sucks at saying no.
I know he is a people pleaser.
I know he is a huge procrastinator.
I know that whatever is in his face is what gets the attention (squeaky-wheel concept) and everything else gets forgotten.

He is a 'put out the fire' person. But the idea of planning to avoid a fire starting-totally not him at all.

The bottom line though-is that I don't have the energy to FIGHT for his attention. I don't have the energy to fight his work schedule. I don't have the time either.
I was doing that. For a couple of years. But it is exhausting and tiresome. So I stopped. I need to focus my energy on taking care of myself. I don't need to be spending my energy on reminding someone that they need to not work 80+ hours a week with 40 of them being free. I need to not spend my energy begging for a date or an overnight that isn't interrupted by an employer.

Those things are his responsibility. If he wants to be able to date (anyone) he has to be willing to make the time to do that.
If he wants to be able to do anything except work, he has to put his foot down and do that.
He has to be a man, instead of a boy.

But-he doesn't want to do that. He's not there. So maybe he is sad and heartbroken that I'm not telling him what to do or demanding he do it. But we're not children. So if that's the type of relationship he wants; well he will have to make time to find someone who is willing to be his mother. Because I'm not going to do it.
 
Damn, that sounds familiar, for my husband it wasn't work, but outside activities. The more I complained the more he ignored me and just got pissy. I finally just said, you do what you want, but I'm not going to put my life on hold anymore because you can't give the family any or your time. It wasn't until I stopped begging and just carried on without him, that it finally kicked in it was all his choice. I'd let him know what our plans were and probably on more than one occasion told him "be there or don't, the choice is yours". It took awhile, but he did finally get it. Until that time, he just saw it as me being a bitch and not supporting him in his activities, no matter how many times I tried to tell him its about his lack of time with us that was the problem, he refused to see it.
 
Sneac-pretty much thats where it stands. We all know I love him and he loves me. But he has choices he has made that make our romance impossible.

I won't replace him. I won't date anyone else. But I wont sit around lonely waiting for him either.
 
This is a shame. I'm sad for you.

I see a similar tendency in my mother. For reasons that I very much understand and empathise with, she has become very focused on herself and her own world. Her preference is to spend much of her time busy with household tasks. She makes lots of effort to see her grandchildren but each of us who are her children have noticed a clear cooling and her making less time for us.

She has always seen me as calm, capable and not in need of any help and has been consistently less available to me anyway. The last few years has seen that lack of availability escalate.

I can't and have no wish to control my mother. Her choices are her own to make and she must live her own life. I'm not horrible to her. I don't nag her. I keep up contact - I ring her a couple of times a week from work and see her maybe once a month usually when one or other of my siblings has arranged the event.

Her choice to consistently prioritise household tasks over spending time with me does, however, have consequences. I am equally not as available to her. I fill my time with my own things and with the people who I love who are there for me. I know that sometimes she feels upset about the lack of closeness - if she comments to me, I do point out to her that this is her choice.

I can't replace her in my life even if I wanted to and I feel deeply sad for her that she is in a place where household tasks seem more important than loved ones but I can't fix that for her.

She may or may not change now but we will never have the sort of close relationship that I see some of my friends having with their mothers. I don't have the time for that now and am unwilling to give up things to make that time. Plus - I have years of being seen as the steady, calm, capable, independent one in the family and that is pretty much how I am. Whether through nature or nurture (likely a combination of both), I have the skills to look after myself, to find new friends and groups of support from outwith my family and to maintain those friendships and support networks.

Sucks though to have a close loved one consistently choose not to prioritise the relationship to the point where it is damaged. I feel for you LR.

IP
 
I'm sorry, LR, that its been such a tough year for you, esp wrt this relationship. It's hard to fathom that he wouldn't even notice a change for so long. It sounds like you were pretty successful at building a working routine for yourself and your family despite his absence, though it must have been exhausting.

Re "the hardest part is that I want to ask a million questions" - kind of a relief to read that, as I sit here with my own million questions, and try to rein them in.

In particular, I wonder whether he's having some difficulty that is larger than the situation at work. The Hawaii trip sounds weird. I don't get a good sense of whether at other times GG was happy with the state of his life, at least until he realized you'd pulled back.

Is it possible to ask questions that don't have an "answer that you want to hear", questions that are simply aimed at helping him to sort out his issues?

Re "he understands why it was over" - it's unclear to me whether either or both of you believes that the current shift is irrevocable. I hope he doesn't let a misperception stand in the way of his taking action, if there is a chance for you to reengage.

The current state does not sound stable. Although you have adapted to his non-participation in your life and are taking care of your own needs and interests, you sound far from a "new normal". I hope you can create one that is more satisfying than the current situation. And I hope that the fact that he has finally woken up a little bit can be the start of some positive change.

hugs
 
Hugs, LR. I'm glad you're looking out for you, but I feel for you in all this.
 
LR, do you know what GG needs to feel connected in a relationship, or to feel like the relationship is being maintained? Is he perhaps one of those people who seem to be able to be sustained simply by believing in their relationship, without much need to interact?

(My husband is like this and it totally does not work for me, so I do understand how frustrating and unsatisfying the current situation is for you.)

Just wondering what he has been experiencing during the time he has been unavailable, since he is clearly upset at the thought of losing it.
 
In particular, I wonder whether he's having some difficulty that is larger than the situation at work. The Hawaii trip sounds weird. I don't get a good sense of whether at other times GG was happy with the state of his life, at least until he realized you'd pulled back.
It was quite weird as a matter of fact. We make a vacation trip as a family at least every other year. This was the first year Maca was really motivated to be helpful in regards to the poly aspect and help create time for GG and I to be together alone. Not the first time we've ever taken time alone, but the first time Maca was happy to help create it.
But GG just flung the whole vacation out the window in a way. The rest of us refused to sit around miserably-but he did and it wasn't possible to not notice.
It's always REALLY OBVIOUS there is a problem when the kids want nothing to do with him-because he's such a kid person. They all adore him. They always want to hang out with him. So when they start making considerable effort to avoid him-there's a HUGE problem.
But-by his account-there's nothing to talk about.

Is it possible to ask questions that don't have an "answer that you want to hear", questions that are simply aimed at helping him to sort out his issues?
Yes and no. I can ask questions aimed to help him sort things out-but the conversations don't go anywhere. His whole focus-in a conversation is "how do I make you happy". I have books and books and books he's written (literally) all about wanting to make me happy. He's spent 20 years writing about it. If the topic is about ANYTHING ELSE-he just drops off. He can't or won't think about life in any other way.
The IRONY to that-is that his life hasn't been about me since he got this job-which has been several years. His focus has been increasingly about work.
In and of itself that would just be frustrating.
But when it's combined with his ongoing "you are my only priority and all I care about it making you happy" words-I want to scream.
Therefore; no, there isn't a way to have a conversation that way. I spent the last several years trying. It goes in circles. Even Maca has tried and gotten no where.

Re "he understands why it was over" - it's unclear to me whether either or both of you believes that the current shift is irrevocable. I hope he doesn't let a misperception stand in the way of his taking action, if there is a chance for you to reengage.
I don't believe in "over and out" ideologies of relationship. I don't believe there is a "beginning and an end". So nothing is irrevocable.
But that's what his words were. I'm not going to run around screaming to the mountain tops (anymore) that I need more. I'm going to do what I need. He knows where to find me, we do live in the same house. So if at some future point it dawns on him that his job isn't as satisfying as personal relationships are; I'm sure he will know how to reach me (and his other friends-who have been sitting around wondering WTF as well).

The current state does not sound stable. Although you have adapted to his non-participation in your life and are taking care of your own needs and interests, you sound far from a "new normal".
Definitely haven't found the "new normal". I am sure it will help some when school starts up again mid-January. Because I won't be sitting at home all day wondering why he's avoiding the whole family. But creating a "normal" takes time.
 
LR, do you know what GG needs to feel connected in a relationship, or to feel like the relationship is being maintained? Is he perhaps one of those people who seem to be able to be sustained simply by believing in their relationship, without much need to interact?

Nope. Not really. I know he is a quality time love language. I know that he spent over 10 years "waiting" for me. He was determined the day he met me that we were meant to be together. He spent two years convincing me "to at least take his virginity" so he wouldn't lose it to someone he would regret.

Everyone else referred to him as my puppy dog. He shadowed me everywhere (I wasn't dating him, wasn't sleeping with him and was adamant that we would only ever be "just friends" because I didn't want to destroy his sweetness). He was there in the background of every event in my life through several serious relationships on my part. He was in my wedding-walked the kids up the aisle. He got shit-faced drunk the night of my wedding and proceeded to tell Maca how in love with me he was. Maca and I basically carried him to a room in the hotel and got him settled into bed before going to our own room (VERY VERY PRE-poly).

So-without having actually asked; I would say yes he can sustain a relationship "all in his mind" without actually having anything to go on. For YEARS.
He's WELL aware, I can't. I don't do long-distance relationships. I don't do romantic relationships with people I can't live with. Even in a poly dynamic-if we can't live together, I'm not interested. Which he is WELL aware of.

If I were to guess; I think this "new found commitment to work" (because he used to be completely dis-interested in work beyond a requirement to buy groceries) has a LOT to do with competing with Maca.
I don't think he's CONSCIOUS that is what it is. But I think the change from secretly having an affair, to being upfront and honestly poly created a dynamic where he see's himself as having to "keep up with" Maca and be on an "equal playing field".
Maca is an electrician. He's a foreman journeyman. It's a career for him. He's been in the trade for... about 20 years. He makes a little over $40 an hour, company truck, company phone, company gas card, great benefits.
GG has no training. He trained to be a mold remediator-but he walked away from that job to help with the kids when our stepson was still here; and never looked back. The certification expired and he hasn't shown an interest in renewing it (he says he hated the work).
He got hired for the job he's in because he was well liked. He was a janitor for the school district and there was a big drama that changed the companies who handled all of that. They needed someone in the supervisor position who was well liked by the other employees, that could basically be the middle man from the "new bosses" to the original employees (employees who took a severe pay reduction and loss of benefits with the change over).
He makes $50K a year. Which is more than he's ever made in his life. It's still only half of what Maca brings home in a year. But it feels more comparable to him. He feels like he's "doing his part".

Additionally; he can't say no to save his life. He hates conflict and he won't argue. He quite literally will just let someone beat him. He won't fight back. So they make demands and he capitulates even if he doesn't want to, because he won't create conflict.

The combination is... well completely fucks over him having ANY life outside of work.

Finally; in January I quit micromanaging his schedule. I had been tracking his hours daily and ensuring that over the course of a two month period he AVERAGED 40 hours a week. When forced to choose between a battle with me OR a battle at work, he choose to put his foot down at work. But when I quit doing that; then it's only one battle he's focused on avoiding-work.

Again-that's totally his choice. I can see the pattern. But the reality is that I don't want the duty of enforcing he make time for the family or me or his friends. (I was scheduling his time so he would go see his friends as well-because otherwise he just works). If it's not meaningful enough for him to put his own foot down; then I don't want it.
His response to that is that he doesn't know what I want. It's been written and said ad nauseum. So in the last month my response has been to tell him to go read the most current book. I have *repeatedly* listed in it exactly what I want.
His response to that is that it's depressing to read, because we haven't been happy all year and he doesn't want to think about all of that
AND
he "can't just quit" which goes right back to; but you aren't even LOOKING for another job and when you've had other opportunities; you didn't take them.

His words all say "I'm stuck and have no choice".
But it's not true. He does have a choice. He could find another job. He could have accepted several. He could put his foot down about his time. He could take control of his own calendar.
He doesn't WANT to.

He says and thinks "can't"
but the truth is it's all "want".
 
I'm so sorry about this situation, LR. My least favorite things include not understanding what's going on, being ignored, and people not standing up for themselves. I can only imagine how frustrating this must have been. Hoping you find peace and/or he wakes up.
 
Wow, LR, with answers to my questions it sounds orders of magnitude more frustrating than it did before (and it sounded tough then). He has an awful lot of stuff he needs to start dealing with. I hope for all of your sake that he can somehow recognize that and take some more responsibility for the situation.

And thank you for the answers.
 
i like to answer. It helps me to put my own thoughts and understandings in order. ;)

There is a lot there to deal with.
But-I think on my end, I've done some hefty growing up in the course of the last two years. No idea where it will go, but I'm happy with my progress anyway!
 
Goodbye 2013, Welcome in 2014

So many posts on facebook today about how awful 2013 was. It got me to ponder. But-I didn’t find this to be true in my life.
This was the first year that I can honestly say we had no significant outside drama negatively impacting our household.

There was no custody bullshit from Maca's ex-wife.
There was no kid drama.
There was no drama from extended family.
There was no drama created by potential lovers.
There was no drama from the poly community.
There was no major issue with my depression.
No major financial crisis.

Our life was pretty damn mild this year. There were some stresses and annoyances. Maca working out of town for 7 months. GG being distant and oblivious. Sweet Pea became a teenager, with all of the mood swings that go along with it. Sour Pea frustrated about learning that school isn’t optional. But nothing SIGNIFICANTLY stressful or upsetting.

In fact, I would have to say that of all of the years we’ve been together, this was the best year Maca and I had. Our efforts in 2012 to work through prior conflicts and resolve some of our major communication issues paid off in spades in 2013. We were able to communicate through all of the little things that cropped up without any serious misunderstandings. We found ourselves able to discuss previously difficult topics without creating conflict. Our trust in ourselves as individuals and each other and as a couple increased 10-fold. We found ourselves almost effortlessly working together through the myriad difficulties that life tossed our way. We even found ourselves enjoying it.

School was awesome. There was one dramatic experience with a homophobic, ignorant instructor (still got an A in her class). But I handled it with aplomb. I impressed several instructors besides the statistics instructor in my duties as a teachers aid for statistics. I survived math 107 online (not doing any more math classes online!) with a B. I learned which area of psychology I REALLY want to go into. I decided I want to minor in statistics (even though it means taking 3-4 more math classes and 4-5 more statistics classes). I finished out the year by finally managing to get my overall GPA over a 3.0. Very impressed.

I got my butt to the gym more often than not. I used the treadmill at home when I wasn’t up for the gym. I used our weight bench at home. I didn’t lose any weight, but I didn’t gain any either and I did manage to increase my exercise by quite a bit over the course of the year-which makes me feel better. It helps my depression, but it also makes my body feel better and gives me more motivation. I started doing handstands again (I know-who cares-I do) and am working towards gaining enough upper body strength to be able to do push-ups in the hand stand position again (not there yet).

I went snorkeling this year, off of a boat, without getting sea sick, panicking or having an asthma attack (a huge accomplishment for me). I also managed to go for a several hours along the coast, where I saw a beautiful turtle in its natural environment. A small amount of panic, but I pulled myself together and continued, instead of going straight back to shore. An amazing improvement from being terrified of the ocean and unwilling to even try going on a boat.
I also took the ferry to Kodiak (and back), which again, I managed without puking my brains out, only a mild case of seasickness. We saw whales (for miles) swimming alongside of the ferry and a BEAUTIFUL sunset out in the ocean.

I crocheted a number of different difficult clothing items (and FINISHED them) with some encouragement from online friends. I learned how to do a couple different vests, including a pattern I made up myself. I made several skirts, using combined motifs, I made a top that had a zipper to sew in (by hand). A sweater, a toddler matching pants and top set, several different styles of hats (too easy) and some baby cocoons (also very easy).

Overall, I have to say that 2013 was a spectacular year for me. I accomplished so many more goals than I could have guessed or even hoped to. I didn’t have any New Years Resolutions that I can recall; but if I had, then I certainly surpassed them in 2013.

So now, to 2014. I am looking forward to 2014. I am looking forward to

learning how to knit, so I can make some stirrup socks I want.
finishing a crocheted full length dress.
learning to play racquetball with the kids (who got rackets and eye wear for Christmas).
taking more walks with friends, including going snow shoeing (hopefully next week).
handstand push-ups
trigonometry
Happy New Year! 2014, here I come!

(and a new grandbaby-can't believe I forgot to put that in my original blog post! Coconut was born in 2013. :) )
 
Never a dull moment.
Got an email this morning from GG saying he is getting off work early and asking if we could do coffee today so we could talk.
Wonders may never cease.

Ok-sarcasm dropped.
Of course I am going to go.
I'm a bit frustrated its taken so long for it to be important enough for him. BUT-I have known for 20 years that he is A) a procrastinator and B) so low key he doesn't tend to respond quickly to ANYTHING.
So-I will work on processing that frustration and give him my time and attention.

On another note:
It's becoming obvious that Maca is considering dating again. He hasn't decided TO start dating yet. But the topic is coming up more frequently. I think the biggest thing holding him back, is that he's not actually a very social person and meeting women (or anyone) requires he be social.
He used to play darts (league). He bought a dart board and has been playing darts in the garage A LOT. Last night he mentioned that he had researched places to play online and found out where he could go locally to play. He explained the details, said he thought we could go there as a couple "on a date" and he could play a little bit; and as an after-thought suggested I could play too if I wanted.
It was kind of cute. I don't DO competition like that. For example; I LOVE to play pool. He played league for that too. At the time, I went with him regularly and practiced with him. i was good enough to play on the team with him-but I just don't enjoy it. I want my "fun stuff" to remain "fun stuff". Anyway; clearly we will be going out to the bar to play darts.
It just so happens to also be the bar where the poly people we know in our area also go hang out and play pool. I'm sure that isn't a coincidence.

But-he's going slow (so far). Hopefully he sticks to that. I've removed myself so far from all of the poly circles locally. I would prefer to keep it that way. I realize he needs SOME involvement from me, so that if he does meet someone they know I'm ACTUALLY ok with him dating. That's fine. But I don't want to go join in poly get togethers etc.
 
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