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Old 10-23-2012, 05:34 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by ThunderZag View Post
I'm willing to try to take this on, but at what point do I get to be more worried about me and how I feel about something than be worried about if it will hurt K or ruin the chances of them being happy together?
Right now. Yesterday, if possible. Not tomorrow. Now.

Tell Abe that you are not responsible for K's emotions. K is responsible for K's emotions. You are only responsible for ThunderZag's emotions. Stop calling that "selfish." It's called "responsible." Anyone who says otherwise is trying to manipulate you with a guilt trip.

If she's grown-up enough to own a house and have three boyfriends, then she should be grown-up enough to be responsible for dealing with her feelings. Then again, she's not grown-up enough to be honest with the people in her life, so my hopes of her learning accountability are sadly low.

Originally Posted by snowmelt View Post
Originally Posted by ThunderZag View Post
However I am more able to forgive Abe as he has always told me that he couldn't promise he would never "cheat", but that he would try to follow the rules we had agreed to as much as possible.
By saying this to you, Abe clearly told you he doesn't have the boundaries or maturity to honor agreements. The situation you are in now is a very reasonable and predictable result of his poor boundaries.
In all fairness, he promised to try, not to do. My interpretation of "I can't promise I will never cheat" would be "I'm pretty much telling you right now, if you try to make me monogamous, I'm going to cheat." I hate cheating as much as the next guy, but upon hearing that assertion, the receiver has a certain level of accountability for sticking around under that condition.

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
In point of fact; it doesn't matter WHO is being dishonest with whom. Anyone who notices will lose trust.
So true. My step-daughter's mother is a pathological liar. She's taught the kid how to get her way by lying. While I've caught her in lies a few times, she's pretty smooth. But more than once, I've heard her lie on the phone to one of her friends. So now whenever she tells me anything, I smile and nod... but inside, I'm thinking "yeah right."
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 10-23-2012 at 05:41 AM.
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