Couples seeking couples versus individuals

Oh, thats awesome... I think I caused a lot of problems in my Triad/V relationship between me & my two boyfriends because I would complain to one boyfriend about the things I didnt like in the other boyfriend & vice versa-which caused a lot of confusion about "Why was I dating them in the first place". (1 an ex boyfriend now ) lol

Since then, I have learned my lesson, & I only discuss problems with the person it involves, then afterwards I summarize to the person/people it affects IF necessary.

I think this has helped to create much better feelings in all my other relationships since then & also I spend more time enjoying my time with a person doing things, instead of complaining about someone else :)
 
Any relationship such as a couple, triad, quad, (or any dynamic where all the people are interacting with the others ) has much more potential structure to encourage stability than a V, or N dynamic where there is room for misunderstanding, miscommunication, third wheel, left out of the loop, considered secondary not primary etc etc...

This is an odd blanket statement. It's not the structure, but the people involved that create stability. Any structure can work if the people involved invest fully in the relationships.

. . . for a single poly, the easiest way to kick start your poly life is to get involved with an established couple. Which, in a way, I think it is. There is a surprising amount of straight-male-bi-female couples out there looking.

That would only work if you were a bi or pansexual single poly, of course.
 
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My wife and I have found that when we meet people, and tell them we are looking for Friends with bennifits, it works better than telling them we are "poly". For some odd reason, as soon as we tell ppl we are "poly", they get all scared and try to run the other way. They get scared of the "relationship" and "love" parts. So, we are back to simply telling people we are just looking for FWB's.
 
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This is an odd blanket statement. It's not the structure, but the people involved that create stability. Any structure can work if the people involved invest fully in the relationships.



That would only work if you were a bi or pansexual single poly, of course.


I totally agree with you that any structure can work and it is all about the people investing in the relationship that makes it work.

I do believe that a triad does Not require sex for memebers to be in a triad.

For example, when I had two boyfriends, we aimed to become a triad, not a V. We ended up somewhere in the middle.

No, our aim was not for the men to have sex, it was for them to develop a brother-like friendship based on trust. To me, the term "involved" does not require sex, just a relationship. Or at the very least, mutual respect and cooperation with scheduling.
 
I believe some people prefer to have totally separate relationships from their primary. I think that's great, to me that is what a V relationship would be. Where one person is the hinge, & the other two people are only connected through that person. The responsibility for scheduling & information etc is then on the person who is the "Hinge".
 
I do believe that a triad does Not require sex for memebers to be in a triad.

The general understanding of the term, in polyamory, is that a triad refers to three people all involved emotionally and sexually with each other. I guess sex isn't always necessary, but the emotion and commitment would be.
 
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The general understanding of the term, in polyamory, is that a triad refers to three people all involved emotionally and sexually with each other. I guess sex isn't always necessary, but the emotion and commitment would be.


Triad n 1: any three person lovestyle. 2: three people involved in some way; most often used in a committed sense; in some cases involving ceremonies of commitment 3 : a union or group of three usu. closely related persons or things


I guess we were looking for the commitment, mental, financial, & emotional involvement then. As far as the guys feeling a type of family love for each other since we wanted to create a family.
 
My wife and I have found that when we meet people, and tell them we are looking for Friends with bennifits, it works better than telling them we are "poly". For some odd reason, as soon as we tell ppl we are "poly", they get all scared and try to run the other way. They get scared of the "relationship" and "love" parts. So, we are back to simply telling people we are just looking for FWB's.

TL, don't compromise! You know you won't attract what you're looking for if you say it's only FWB. Don't let impatience to find lovers change the things you want. If you want love, look for love and don't accept less. The ones who aren't afraid of that will be worth any long period it may take to find them.
 
My wife and I have found that when we meet people, and tell them we are looking for Friends with bennifits, it works better than telling them we are "poly". For some odd reason, as soon as we tell ppl we are "poly", they get all scared and try to run the other way. They get scared of the "relationship" and "love" parts. So, we are back to simply telling people we are just looking for FWB's.


Oh yeah, it does sound less scary lol! How do you get around people wanting to just be "swingers" with you? Idk maybe its just my 20-something age bracket that encourages a lack of commitment... lol
 
For example, when I had two boyfriends, we aimed to become a triad, not a V. We ended up somewhere in the middle.

No, our aim was not for the men to have sex, it was for them to develop a brother-like friendship based on trust. To me, the term "involved" does not require sex, just a relationship. Or at the very least, mutual respect and cooperation with scheduling.

This sounds lovely!
 
TL, don't compromise! You know you won't attract what you're looking for if you say it's only FWB. Don't let impatience to find lovers change the things you want. If you want love, look for love and don't accept less. The ones who aren't afraid of that will be worth any long period it may take to find them.
Cindie, You ever watched the movie "Friends with Bennifits" yet? Pretty funny flick about a man and a woman who hook up, and decide to make it a regular thing, but keep it sinmply as a friends with bennifits thing, and no "love" or "commitment". They find out, after a long period, that it simply doesn't work that way. After a person, or persons, are together for a long period of time.....They develop feelings for each other. The longer they are together, the more those feelings develop. It's natural.

We tell people we are looking for FWB's, and that we are "open" to the idea of a "relationship" type thing. Then USUALLY, they will say they are open to that idea also. Even if they aren't sure what it is. LOL So it takes a while to build up to this type of relationship I guess. But is that any different than a single person dating? A single person may date 3 or 4 people at the same time. Experiencing sexual relations with all of them. However, because I'm married and in a open committed relationship, I am supposed to be different?:confused:
 
... The longer they are together, the more those feelings develop. It's natural.

We tell people we are looking for FWB's, and that we are "open" to the idea of a "relationship" type thing. Then USUALLY, they will say they are open to that idea also. Even if they aren't sure what it is. LOL So it takes a while to build up to this type of relationship I guess. But is that any different than a single person dating? A single person may date 3 or 4 people at the same time. Experiencing sexual relations with all of them. However, because I'm married and in a open committed relationship, I am supposed to be different?:confused:

Well, you know, TL, your last quad broke up when the other husband got jealous of you and his wife getting too "serious," in love, whatever... I hope you're not setting yourselves up for that impasse again.
 
Any relationship such as a couple, triad, quad, (or any dynamic where all the people are interacting with the others ) has much more potential structure to encourage stability than a V, or N dynamic where there is room for misunderstanding, miscommunication, third wheel, left out of the loop, considered secondary not primary etc etc...

I have no idea why you would say that. The more people involved, the less stable the whole will be, simply because more possible issues can erupt.
 
No, our aim was not for the men to have sex, it was for them to develop a brother-like friendship based on trust. To me, the term "involved" does not require sex, just a relationship. Or at the very least, mutual respect and cooperation with scheduling.

If you were to tell me I'm involved with my male friends, I'd likely ask you if you hear the stuff falling our your mouth, as that would be obviously false. It wouldn't matter in the slightest if we were dating the same woman--we wouldn't be "involved" unless we had a romance going on (whether it involved sex or not). Prima facie, that statement is nonsensical. It's the same as with my female friends--we're not "involved" unless we have a romance of some sort. Friends are friends and being involved requires romance.
 
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