BelleInconnue
New member
Hi everyone,
It's been quite a while since I posted here. I'm in a polyfidelous vee with my married boyfriend (they also have a preteen kid who doesn't know the true nature of our relationship but knows we love each other as close friends/family; she and I also get along very well). Anyway, 8 months ago I moved to the town where my lover lives after having lived an hour and a half away while in college (2nd career--I'm not that young lol) and rented an apartment very close nearby, which has worked out nicely. We see each other several days a week most weeks.
We have such a deep connection and special love relationship and enjoy every aspect of our relationship physically, emotionally, and mentally, but I end up feeling lonely when I don't see him for a few days and he is spending time away with his family on vacation or whatnot. I am aware enough to realize that I cannot look for all my happiness in another person and I need to have my own life, especially in this sharing situation. I also do try to embrace some Buddhist principles of nongrasping and meditation, which have helped me in my life in other ways, but sometimes it is still a struggle.
Therefore, I think what I'd like is to meet other poly people for friendship (not looking for anything more) with whom to share and relate to as I'm in the closet at work and we are in the closet in our town and with his daughter for various reasons (mainly being the parents' choice and not wanting grandparents to find out--ugh). There are poly groups here in South Florida, where I live, but I'm reticent to attend because I'm not sure if it is mainly a place to "hook up," which I'm not really interested in right now. Somtimes I wonder if it is something I should be open to--having another relationship--but it just seems too complicated and I'm not sure my motives would be right and I don't just want to have another person as a "filler"--I value people more than that.
I love my boyfriend madly and am so happy with him as a person and we intend to have a lifelong commitment--his wife is my friend as well and we all get along very well. However, I'm new to poly and still have the old monogamous programming in ways where it feels weird not to live with my life partner, not to go on family vacations with him and to be in the closet to some of his family still, etc. That part does get a little tiresome. Anyway, since I am happy with my relationship otherwise and there is nothing I can do about the other circumstances I mentioned since all 3 of us need to be in agreement on everything, I feel it is pretty clear that I need to develop a social life of my own in order to be fulfilled, especially being the new person in town and not having local friends. I don't want to constantly hide who I really am with friends though so I think it might be nice to meet other poly people. I have acquaintances at my job, but of course when they ask about my personal life, I remain tight lipped or, worse, lie about my boyfriend (he's single, no kids, etc.). I'm willing to do that because I can't afford to be out at my job as it is in the medical field, but I get tired of not having anyone to relate to. So, I'm starting here on this forum trying to meet "friends" with whom to talk to and share with. It would be nice if there were also local people in Boca-Ft. Lauderdale-Miami area with whom to get together sometimes, especially women (I'm straight and just looking for friends with whom to relate). Anyway, thanks for listening to this long, drawn-out post. I really appreciate you folks on this forum and am very grateful to have this place to vent and share!
It's been quite a while since I posted here. I'm in a polyfidelous vee with my married boyfriend (they also have a preteen kid who doesn't know the true nature of our relationship but knows we love each other as close friends/family; she and I also get along very well). Anyway, 8 months ago I moved to the town where my lover lives after having lived an hour and a half away while in college (2nd career--I'm not that young lol) and rented an apartment very close nearby, which has worked out nicely. We see each other several days a week most weeks.
We have such a deep connection and special love relationship and enjoy every aspect of our relationship physically, emotionally, and mentally, but I end up feeling lonely when I don't see him for a few days and he is spending time away with his family on vacation or whatnot. I am aware enough to realize that I cannot look for all my happiness in another person and I need to have my own life, especially in this sharing situation. I also do try to embrace some Buddhist principles of nongrasping and meditation, which have helped me in my life in other ways, but sometimes it is still a struggle.
Therefore, I think what I'd like is to meet other poly people for friendship (not looking for anything more) with whom to share and relate to as I'm in the closet at work and we are in the closet in our town and with his daughter for various reasons (mainly being the parents' choice and not wanting grandparents to find out--ugh). There are poly groups here in South Florida, where I live, but I'm reticent to attend because I'm not sure if it is mainly a place to "hook up," which I'm not really interested in right now. Somtimes I wonder if it is something I should be open to--having another relationship--but it just seems too complicated and I'm not sure my motives would be right and I don't just want to have another person as a "filler"--I value people more than that.
I love my boyfriend madly and am so happy with him as a person and we intend to have a lifelong commitment--his wife is my friend as well and we all get along very well. However, I'm new to poly and still have the old monogamous programming in ways where it feels weird not to live with my life partner, not to go on family vacations with him and to be in the closet to some of his family still, etc. That part does get a little tiresome. Anyway, since I am happy with my relationship otherwise and there is nothing I can do about the other circumstances I mentioned since all 3 of us need to be in agreement on everything, I feel it is pretty clear that I need to develop a social life of my own in order to be fulfilled, especially being the new person in town and not having local friends. I don't want to constantly hide who I really am with friends though so I think it might be nice to meet other poly people. I have acquaintances at my job, but of course when they ask about my personal life, I remain tight lipped or, worse, lie about my boyfriend (he's single, no kids, etc.). I'm willing to do that because I can't afford to be out at my job as it is in the medical field, but I get tired of not having anyone to relate to. So, I'm starting here on this forum trying to meet "friends" with whom to talk to and share with. It would be nice if there were also local people in Boca-Ft. Lauderdale-Miami area with whom to get together sometimes, especially women (I'm straight and just looking for friends with whom to relate). Anyway, thanks for listening to this long, drawn-out post. I really appreciate you folks on this forum and am very grateful to have this place to vent and share!