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Old 11-26-2012, 08:39 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
An example: yesterday at dinner, Ocean asked me if I wanted to share a particular dessert with him. I said, sure, that sounds good, and added that I was probably going to get some ice cream too if he wanted to share that. After that, he moved to the other end of the table to chat with Bert, Menrva etc. When desserts came, I noticed he'd ordered something else (not something I had wanted to try, but ok). We had a quick back & forth across the table (me: "Oh, you got that?" him: "yeah I changed my mind." me: "Ah, ok") and went back to our respective conversations. My ice cream was good and I'm not even really that into desserts, so I was satisfied with the status quo. But... Menrva and he started sharing his dessert, and were chatting between themselves... and I felt that jealous twinge. Jesus, am I really that petty? I felt it simmering inside me, and it wasn't even that I particularly wanted to try the dessert, it was almost like I was attracted to the excuse (however small) to be jealous.
Hmm. This made me think. I agree with you that the concrete thing - dessert - is probably not a big deal. Still, I can see how that situation would be one where it is totally reasonable to have some confusion/jealousy. I mean, it does come across like he first suggests something to you (his idea!) and then doesn't even bother to let you know he's decided to do it with her instead. Now I am sure this is not how he meant it, just a small communication/consideration fail. However, I don't think it would hurt for you to ask about it, might make you feel better to hear it from him.

Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
I reckon I'm weirdly experiencing this as an extension of their DADT arrangement onto me (and I know it's got little to do with that).
You already say you are aware of the fact that it's not connected. Just wanted to say, this kind of thing is something I would be vary of. It is easy to (emotionally) use something we don't understand as a scapegoat for something else. Do you think you could have a chat with Menrva and see if you could try to get an understanding of where the boundaries come from? Not that you still need to agree with them, but maybe seeing what is behind them would create some understanding as to why they choose to have them.
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