Hi, never been poly

Aminadab

New member
My situation: I was what you might call "well-brought-up", no talking about sex, do it in the dark, try to be traditional.

My sexual situation is that I haven't done "penetration" since '05. I've been on only four or so dates since then. This may call for some explanation.

I am subject to involuntary outpatient psychiatric treatment. Since '07, I have been drugged with powerful antipsychotic medication through the air. In '10, I was permanently disabled with remote destructive neurosurgery. I am unable to work or get welfare. An MRI of my brain in '11 showed the left lateral ventricle over 60% larger than the right. This is over four standard deviations from the mean and unlikely to be congenital, as I was a sci/tech worker.

I am interested in polyamory because I am not interested in sex anymore. Destructive neurosurgery was also carried out on my penis. I can no longer orgasm. Sharp pleasure no longer has the spiritual "aura" that it used to. So I no longer care for it. I find denying myself it to be rather fun. It makes me sparky and I like the feeling of frustration. I am serious.

When I was a small child, I would cry for my mother in the middle of the night, which would wake up my dad, who became very angry and would spank me, waking up my brother (6 years older) and causing him to become concerned. This gives me big hangups about sex and tenderness. To make things worse, my mother was an hysterical alcoholic, a huge control-freak. She did everything she could to try to prevent me from growing up, then sent her own life into a self-destructive tailspin while I was in high school. In the space of two and a half years, I went from not being allowed to spend the night at friends' houses or get an after-school job to share-renting on my own with an Hell's Angel who supported his wife and kid by dealing LSD. He left with the kid on the handlebars of his bike after a fight with his wife, one night.
 
Greetings Aminadab,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You've certainly had your share of misfortune, you are a strong person to have gotten through it all. I hope your stay on Polyamory.com is a pleasant and useful one. Let us know if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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