Interested and very curious

Lillywolf

New member
Greetings! So I'm currently going through a divorce. We have been seperated for over a year and a half. The divorce should be final in the next month. I've been interested in poly for years. I've pretty much read every romance novel I could get my hands on to learn about it. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not really interested in a fmf relationship. No offense but girls have just too much drama, and I'm not attracted to girls. So that kind of rules that out. The thought of having a relationship with two guys would be perfect in my book. I don't want to be a hinge though, I want it to be a perfect triangle. Is that even possible?

I live in the in upper Michigan, and I don't really think we have a thriving community up here. I guess I just want to talk to others like me. :) Well cheers and I hope to hear from someone and their opinion(s) soon.
 
Greetings Lillywolf,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

An MFM (triad or) triangle is certainly possible -- but only if both men are bisexual. And of course only if each of the three people in the triangle are in love with both other persons. I guess what I'm saying is it may take awhile to find what you're looking for, so you'll need to be patient.

While you're waiting, learn all you can about polyamory (how it works, what to do, what not to do, etc.); read a lot and post a lot here on this site. You will certainly find much support and many like minds to rub shoulders with here.

Glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
 
Greetings! So I'm currently going through a divorce. We have been seperated for over a year and a half. The divorce should be final in the next month. I've been interested in poly for years. I've pretty much read every romance novel I could get my hands on to learn about it. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not really interested in a fmf relationship. No offense but girls have just too much drama, and I'm not attracted to girls. So that kind of rules that out. The thought of having a relationship with two guys would be perfect in my book. I don't want to be a hinge though, I want it to be a perfect triangle. Is that even possible?

I live in the in upper Michigan, and I don't really think we have a thriving community up here. I guess I just want to talk to others like me. :) Well cheers and I hope to hear from someone and their opinion(s) soon.

Finding two mono men who don't want the trouble and hassle of what they would be expected to provide to a mono girlfriend is good (neither feels neglected or jealous of the other, since they prefer NOT to provide for all their girlfriend's needs). Finding a triad requires finding two bisexual men to be romantically interested in each other AND you...easiest way might be to join an existing relationship with two bi guys?

The easiest, of course, is to just date non-monogamous people looking for the kind of commitment level you desire. So, your boyfriend might be dating another straight girl, or bi girl, or whatever. Might be married. Might have a gay boyfriend.

Anyway, just a few possibilities! :)
 
The possibilities seem endless. Meeting up with any of the possibilities seems to be the issue. I feel it would be easier to join up with an existing couple then trying to get two random guys to form seperate relationships with me.
 
well I suppose if you found two bisexual men that both like each other and like you then that could work but I imagine that's just as hard as finding a female male female triad perhaps even harder
 
Poly connections tend to form naturally and not always according to plan. Who knows what configuration you might end up with, and you might be more satisfied with it than you would have expected. Just throwing it out there as a possibility.
 
The thought of having a relationship with two guys would be perfect in my book. I don't want to be a hinge though, I want it to be a perfect triangle. Is that even possible?

It's possible, sure. Having a perfect triangle seems hard to find or create, though. It certainly shouldn't be forced (not that you are suggesting doing so).

By a 'perfect triangle' I'm assuming you mean everyone involved loves everyone else. Given that mutual love is hard to achieve between any two people, I think it would be correspondingly harder to have between any given three people.
 
I'm another newbie on this site and have a little experience but haven't had the relationship I was looking for so I walked away. I have a hard enough time meeting one person and now I am looking to join a couple lol. So far the approach that hasn't worked on me was "hey, I would like u for my husband". I'm pretty sure I got the original intention and I didn't like being approached like that. Pretty sure that was also just a sexual invitation. I see that there are rules posted here and there on this site. I would like to learn more about approach and curious what works or doesn't. I was in a monogamous relationship for 3 yrs and brought it up with him. He decided he was interested, met someone at work, started having an intimate relationship with her. I was so angry because he lied about it and he kept everything a secret which was cheating. I didn't trust him after what he put me through emotionally. He missed the whole point.

I really am at loss on this. Curious how everyone meets others in this lifestyle.

Ok no jumping here but I'm still uncertain the difference really between polyamory and polygamy. I have read definitions and well i honestly don't see a whole of difference.
 
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Ok no jumping here but I'm still uncertain the difference really between polyamory and polygamy. I have read definitions and well i honestly don't see a whole of difference.

Here's how I think about it - hopefully this will be useful.

There is the category of non-monogamous relationships. This includes cheating, polyamory, polygamy - the whole range of non-monogamous relationships.

Then there is the sub-category of ethical non-monogamy. (Unethical non-monogamy is cheating basically.) Polyamory, open relationships, swinging, polygamy are all forms of ethical non-monogamy. Generally, everyone involved has to consent.

Polyamory is the practice (or desire for) of multiple loving relationships where everyone knows and consents. Those relationships do not have to be legal and often aren't, at least in the West. Polyamory, to my mind, includes all multiple loving ethical relationships. (I do not think cheating is polyamory. It can lead to polyamory but it is not itself poly. Others may disagree.)

Polygamy is *legal* marriage to more than one person. It is illegal in the U.S. and common in some parts of the world. There are subsets of polygamy organized by gender. Polygyny is when a man has multiple wives; polyandry is when women have multiple husbands. Historically polygyny has been way more common. I personally find polygyny problematic because, historically, it can be authoritarian, has rigid gender roles, and not allow consent. However, if done with consent, polygyny is just one way of many to do ethical non-monogamy.

So, tl;dr - polyamory is the full range of multiple loving relationships done ethically, while polygamy is legal marriage to more than one person at a time.

I also found this link helpful: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy
 
Here's how I think about it - hopefully this will be useful.

So, tl;dr - polyamory is the full range of multiple loving relationships done ethically, while polygamy is legal marriage to more than one person at a time.

I also found this link helpful: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy

I like the wording you used and I think my hang up between the 2 is the marriage aspect. Loving relationship ethically is how I feel.

I'm in Canada and to be honest, I did a lot of research report 15 PGs for a class in university on polygamy and laws in Canada. I however, haven't gotten into the extensive terminology of polyamory. I am fairly confident on how I see myself and the type of relationship(s) I would like to be in and could do monogamy. I just feel that polyamory is a better way. With any relationship there is respect and emotions and and and ....

This is the first time I have had an open conversation with anyone in 6yrs.... I'm going to stop here lol my mind has so much to say or ask and it's going to come out all jumbled.
 
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Hi Jade99,

I would like to respond to your questions and concerns and I know you need some time to get your thoughts organized. When you do can I suggest you start a thread of your own? either somewhere here on the intro board or post a link in this thread to the new thread that you start. I would feel more free to delve in without worrying about straying off-topic.

Hope you get the input/feedback that would be the most helpful,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I actually thought the conversation was flowing nicely and on topic for what I was intending. My ex-husband cheated on me for over a year (starting when I was pregnant). I've been thinking of myself as a hyprocrite for wanting a poly relationship, when that was what he was doing. The more I think about it though it, I'm not mad that he had another relationship. I'm mad at all the lies and what ended up being mental abuse behavior that accompanied his relationship.
 
Yes, we often hear that when a spouse is cheating, the other spouse is less upset by the affair itself then they are by the fact that they were lied to.

And you're right, the thread has stayed on-topic just fine so far. Just wanted to do my part to keep it that way.
 
Yes, in sure the thread was as it should be and due to technical issues in posting use my cell, it flipped a few times and didn't realize that it went to an entirely different thread actually. So thanks for your comment and tolerance. Much helpful and I wish u well on your situation you are dealing with.
 
Hey, if it would help, you could even message me privately (with any questions or what have you). I don't mean to censor you or anything; it wouldn't be my place to do that. :(
 
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