What bonds us together forever?

Kraven

New member
In my relationship, I feel that the reason I love her so much is because she gives me her trust and her heart! That's what makes her special to me, makes her one of a kind.

But I know that no ONE person could ever completely satisfy me. I'm just too diverse! So other women may come and go, there may be secondaries and so forth, who satisfy my mind or body, but the time and energy we've put into this thing makes it solid and unbreakable!

This is how I feel.

My question to the community is based on experiences. What do you feel makes your primary an irreplaceable force in your life? What keeps you wanting that person more than any other deliciously wonderful person that comes along?
 
Not everybody follows the primary/secondary model. Also, not everyone who does follow that model looks at is as, "I love my primary most and my secondary less than my primary."

Speaking as a poly person without a primary partner, I certainly wouldn't want to get with a partner who says that they love me less than their other partner. That's fine for playmates or FWBs, but not if I was going to consider them a partner. Just sayin....
 
I appreciate your opinion and understand your point. I'll keep that in mind for the future. As it stands, it's just me and her right now.

Polyamory is merely an option. I haven't gone so far as to include anyone else into our relationship, because I'm still working out the kinks. So the advice helps! Thank you so much for your voice.

Anyone else? :)
 
Every love is different

Every person I love, I love uniquely. Each person is so different. I try not to compare them. I also have a primary, but he's my primary because we discovered the love we have together before finding others we loved. I have yet to feel what it's like to share an intimate connection with another person I'm in love with, but I hope I will never compare that love to the one I have for him. Once I compare, I leave room for someone's love to be less important. :rolleyes:
 
what do you feel makes your primary an irreplacable force in your life? What keeps you wanting that person more than any other deliciously wonderful person that comes along?

That's easy. I'm monogamous. I don't have a primary, just the (poly) woman I love.

Really, I'm not qualified to answer this, but any chance to have some fun is good.
 
I have a primary because we are married and that happened first. But I am madly in love with two men, and have been for nearly 10 years. I don't love either one MORE than the other. But I do love each one COMPLETELY differently, and I like them for completely different reasons, as well. I don't think I could ever identify my primary as my "best" love, or anything like that.
 
Wow, it all makes sense now! I always felt each love should be equal. I mean, isn't that the purpose of it all?

I classified her as a primary simply to give comfort that I wasn't ever going to leave her for another, but perhaps I'm going about things the wrong way! If she truly can't cope with the lifestyle, then maybe she just isn't for me!

I keep forgetting that I must own my own feelings and not feel responsible for solving everyone's problems! I have a habit of being too loving. Perhaps that is my strongest asset, yet my greatest weakness.
 
Wow, it all makes sense now! I always felt each love should be equal. I mean, isn't that the purpose of it all?


I classified her as a primary simply to give comfort that I wasn't ever going to leave her for another. Perhaps I'm going about things the wrong way. If she truly can't cope with the lifestyle then maybe she just isn't for me.

I keep forgetting that I must own my own feelings and not feel responsible for solving everyone's problems. I have a habit of being too loving. Perhaps that is my strongest asset, yet my greatest weakness.

I understand how easy it is to take responsibility for another person's feelings. I was just having that conversation with my hubby last night. I have a habit of doing the same thing, and it ends up hurting me. I'm working really hard at remembering that there is a fine line between loving someone and losing yourself to the "job" of loving someone.

I do classify my hubby as my primary, because we are the ones who have the kids and responsibilities that REQUIRE joint participation and bf is the one who CHOOSES to participate. But it's really a technical distinction, I think.
 
I have two primaries that I love dearly. One is my husband and the father of my child. He is unique in other ways, too.

Mono is my other primary (OP) and I am his Life Love (LiLo). I love him for other reasons, and sometimes for the same reasons, as my husband.

It ebbs and flows, though. Sometimes I love one over the other, or desire one over the other. Sometimes they both piss me off :p (not often!). But I just go with the natural flow of it and don't think too much about it, rationalize or over-analyze it.

We have now given up on the primary/secondary roles. Or I have, anyway. Mono probably feels differently in his black and white way of being. I just find the terms too black and white. They were helpful at the beginning, when it all seemed so tentative, and we were all unsure and fragile. Now they are more of a burden than anything to me.

I make an exception for my tertiary, whom I don't consider of the same caliber as my two primary men. I love him also, but more on an intimate-friendship level.
 
Mono probably feels differently in his black and white way of being. I just find them too black and white.

I am black and white. Grey is not my thing. Primary and secondary still apply, because I see it that way and that shapes my actions and priorities. This isn't a bad thing. In fact, this is why it works so well for me. I wouldn't make a good primary in a poly relationship, because I'm not poly.

Your annoyance is cute, though.
 
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