How does one share their soul with multiple mates?

kettlingur

New member
It has always intrigued me that our soul, our core of who we are and what we believe, is typically described as mated with only one other's soul, or two halves of a whole soul, joining together in love to create one. And when we meet that singular special person who holds the other half of our soul we are supposedly then fulfilled and complete and meant to spend our lives forever with that individual. Or so traditionalistic, monogamist relationship theory would have us believe.

So, I wonder, being polyamorous, how do we go about describing or defining multiple soul mates? Is this a concept most poly individuals agree exists? Or for those practicing hierarchical poly does that monogamist theory of only one soul mate relate only to your primary? Can a secondary or tertiary lover be a soul mate? Or for those monopolists-- if you adhere to one soul mate for life, should your poly partner? Or can a couple have differing views of sharing their souls with singular or multiple partners and still consider themselves soul mates?

Are there polys here that do not subscribe to the idea of soul mates at all? Is your love of another your *choice* and not some destined event?

Sorry if that wasn't clear. It's still a bit jumbled in my own brain. I'm curious to see everyone's opinions on poly/soul mates. Maybe you can help me sort things out. :)

ket
 
Good Question:)

"Soul Mates" as a term probably means something different to everyone who uses it. When I met my partner he told me he was looking for a soul-mate. It was some time after that I realised that he's an atheist.

I said,"What's with looking for a soul-mate when you don't even believe in souls."

To which he replied," If I had a soul baby you'd be it."

I, on the other hand do believe in souls and for me a soul-mate is just another soul who connects with you on a very deep level. I think we can have many over the course of a lifetime.
 
From Wikipedia-
"Some think of a soulmate (soul mate) as a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul, which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate. In New Age spirituality, the ultimate soulmate is the one and only other half of one's soul. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations."

Personally I think of us more as a soul-borg. When all is said and done, we'll all be assimilated so to speak. So I would deem a "soulmate" as someone who was closer connected to me in the borg. (if I'm 7 of 9, then maybe 6/9, 8/9, 6/8, 7/8, 8/8, 6/10, 7/10, 8/10 are soulmates to me as they are within immediate arms reach... that sort of thing)
 
That is a little to scifi techy for me LR. LOL! Simply... soulmate is a person who for many reasons touches you so deeply in a spiritual way that you are changed by them in a profoundly loving realization. The person/s have become part of you in a more meaningful way than any/most others in your life. Romantically speaking some people whether mono or poly are not changed by every lover. Sometimes it can be only one person who touches you deeply on many levels throughout your life's various partnerships. At the age of 41, three lovers have impacted me in that way. Of course over the course of 24 years and many lovers...three who impacted my life so profoundly is not so very many for a poly-minded person. BUT, I could never imagine life without those three loves, nor would I go back to the person I was before they each helped me be who I am today. Soul mate, soul search, soul dualism...it all means someone or something outside of your self connecting to you in a spiritual or emotional way. A soul mate becomes part of who you are, part of the personality or ego. Whether one has one or two or three (or more) soulmates, all depends on one's growth or need for change- how many transcending moments in life are there? All depends on the individual. That is my two-cents any way.
 
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souls are infinite.all the descriptions of what a soulmate is ,is merely a human construct. everyone i have ever loved was a soul mate.
 
I'm pretty sure it was Plato who invented the popular "other half" notion of the "soul mate". (I'll let someone else Google that.) I, myself, certainly do not subscribe to the notion that I, or anyone else, is a half of a whole that needs another person to "complete" them. In fact, I think all truly happy and healthy partnerships (whether poly or mono) are as a result of whole people coming together in a mutually enhancing sort of way -- but one without much or any sense of lack. The more one is oriented around lack, the more likely they are to be unhappy. And only other chronically unhappy people are 'happy' to spend a lot of time around chronically unhappy people.

Healthy people experience passing, temporary, acute moments of unhappiness, and generally experience themselves as a whole--not a half. Chronically unhappy people dwell in a sense of incompleteness, insufficiency, lack.... Dwelling there in their minds, so does their heart and "soul".
 
I don't believe in soulmates. And I don't think there really is a soul, at least not in the same way (I think) that more traditionally religious types view what is at the core of humanity.

I'm an agnostic non-theist. I tend to think of the essence at the center of who I am as something like a spark or a flame, and it is the thing in me that gives me a will to live. Something like that. It's not really important to me to figure it out (as I've stated in the Religious Survey thread).

But think about it: If there is supposed to someone out there who completes us, then we're incomplete until we find them. I don't believe anyone is incomplete; we just feel that way when lonely or missing something satisfying in our lives. But we are whole already. The focus on lacking something enables us to construct this wistful fantasy that someone out there will fill in those "holes" we feel in ourselves. But feelings aren't facts. We want someone to fix us somehow by making us feel complete, but it's an illusion (how many people have divorced someone they thought was a soulmate?). There is nothing wrong with being alone if we love ourselves. We all come into the world alone and we all die alone. No one else takes those journeys with us.

Furthermore, if there is supposed to someone out there who is meant to complete us, then that, correspondingly, also means we're here to complete someone else. I just don't see that as my purpose in life.

My overview on what a human's purpose in life is not that we're here to fill in someone else's lacks, but to be on a journey on this earth and learn lessons. I see the people in my life as there to teach me lessons and learn from me. Love, as I see it, is the connecting factor in humanity -- it's the energy that fuels that spark or flame inside us, but no one is obligated or meant to love me. When we feel love for someone, or when they feel love for us, it's really more like uncovering the essence of what's already there.

That's how I see it. Investing in the notion of there being only one soulmate for each of us negates so much possibility for uncovering and feeling the love that we can have in life, and for so many valuable life lessons.
 
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Being whole doesn't mean that we can't add to that wholeness with new insights, experiences, bonds of love, etc.... We're whole to the extent that we approach life without a sense of basic lack clouding our experience. When we live with a basic Yes! attitude toward life -- even though life has its pains and losses. We have to say Yes! to it all. And that doesn't mean we can't also want to change things. It's just another way of being in relation to this wish to change things. We can say a hearty Yes! to our lives and still wish to change things in ourselves and in the world.
 
Being whole doesn't mean that we can't add to that wholeness with new insights, experiences, bonds of love, etc.... We're whole to the extent that we approach life without a sense of basic lack clouding our experience. When we live with a basic Yes! attitude toward life -- even though life has its pains and losses. We have to say Yes! to it all. And that doesn't mean we can't also want to change things. It's just another way of being in relation to this wish to change things. We can say a hearty Yes! to our lives and still wish to change things in ourselves and in the world.

Yes!
 
Being whole doesn't mean that we can't add to that wholeness with new insights, experiences, bonds of love, etc.... We're whole to the extent that we approach life without a sense of basic lack clouding our experience. When we live with a basic Yes! attitude toward life -- even though life has its pains and losses. We have to say Yes! to it all. And that doesn't mean we can't also want to change things. It's just another way of being in relation to this wish to change things. We can say a hearty Yes! to our lives and still wish to change things in ourselves and in the world.

To me, a "soul mate" is just what you described; someone who teaches you soul to progress, be that through love or pain or whatever. I don't believe in predestination, so not someone that you are "meant" to meet, but I do believein reincarnation, so someone who influences you to change either this life or your next.
x.S.x
 
Really interesting subject!

I actually think of it all as a jigsaw puzzle. Humans didn't evolve to be "alone". We're actually quite a clannish species... so when we form a group, we create a "picture", and each piece has its own size, shape, and numbers of connecting arms.

For example, take two mothers, and we're looking at the "progeny" part of their pictures. One mother has four children. The other mother has one child. Are their "jigsaw pieces" the exact same? No. The mother with more children has more connecting arms on her piece in order to link with all her kids. The mother with just the one kid has just one connecting arm for the "progeny" part of her overall picture.

I consider it the same for mates. A mono pair would have just one arm each, for the "mate" part of the picture. A poly person would have more than one, at least.

And I don't think it's a static sort of thing. I think the puzzle is very dynamic, and each piece can reshape itself to adapt to the situation as needed in order to create the whole picture.

So in short, I think of "soulmates" in terms of... not being fated, but something that we each create, when the time comes for us to create it.

Does that make ANY sense? I'm hungry so I may not be as coherent as I think!
 
It has always intrigued me that our soul, our core of who we are and what we believe, is typically described as mated with only one other's soul, or two halves of a whole soul, joining together in love to create one. And when we meet that singular special person who holds the other half of our soul we are supposedly then fulfilled and complete and meant to spend our lives forever with that individual. Or so traditionalistic, monogamist relationship theory would have us believe.
I rather think that that last sentence hits the nail on the head.
Traditionalistic, monotheist religious theory would have us believe that unless we believe in (their) one God, we're not going to get to Heaven. (Although not a Buddhist, I am impressed by the Buddhist concept that Heaven [a state of bliss] is something we slip into and out of often during our everyday lives.)

The Spanish have a phrase, "my half orange" - as if we're not the whole fruit unless we find our other half. And I always thought that oranges were made up of many segments...

Oh, Lawd! Am I whiffling again?
If you will accept the definition of "soulmate" as being not someone necessary to complete you, but rather a "kindred spirit" or someone you mesh with (spiritually, if you'll accept that term and remove its religious connotations) in a very profound way, I see no reason that you shouldn't find more than one in your life.

Meanwhile... have a good time looking!
 
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think about this. some spiritual teachings tell us we are all one. this may imply that there is only one soul. and to become human is to be separated from that wholness of god to experience ,with the interjection of ego,aloneness,individuation,to explore all the complexities that make life what it is.
so we are all soulmates,throw in the karmic attractions, assignments of the soul and you get the reason we are attracted to certain people.
if we deny love,where ever it may pop up,and im talking about love,not nre,we may infact be swerving away from our karmic assignments.
let love happen
 
think about this. some spiritual teachings tell us we are all one. this may imply that there is only one soul. and to become human is to be separated from that wholness of god to experience ,with the interjection of ego,aloneness,individuation,to explore all the complexities that make life what it is.
so we are all soulmates,throw in the karmic attractions, assignments of the soul and you get the reason we are attracted to certain people.
if we deny love,where ever it may pop up,and im talking about love,not nre,we may infact be swerving away from our karmic assignments.
let love happen
BlerrrK!!! I wanted to say that ("we are all one [...] there is only one soul"), too, but I left it out.

Thanks, kreeativ!
 
For me this was an easy concept. Going back over a decade. I had fallen in love with a woman, while still in love with my ex (even though I hated her)... I believed in their own ways they were both my soul mates. At that time they were. So... I hit the internet.

Anam Cara stuck home for me. Soul Friends. The idea that multiple people can have impacts on your soul. With the idea the a few of them are mates too. I have used it ever since and it has helped. I am at a point again where I believe I am with my Anam Cara... my soul is in a very happy place...
 
Being whole doesn't mean that we can't add to that wholeness with new insights, experiences, bonds of love, etc.... We're whole to the extent that we approach life without a sense of basic lack clouding our experience. When we live with a basic Yes! attitude toward life -- even though life has its pains and losses. We have to say Yes! to it all. And that doesn't mean we can't also want to change things. It's just another way of being in relation to this wish to change things. We can say a hearty Yes! to our lives and still wish to change things in ourselves and in the world.

Beautiful ! Love it !

GS
 
There have been and are people in my life that I recognize on sight and remember, though I am meeting them for the first time. I have no religion, but this makes me think I've been here before, and find my familiars again and again.

I am fortunate enough to have two such people in close league with me now. There are a handful of friends whom I feel this same way about, and I am grateful to say that with all of them, even the ones who are no longer in my life or in this life; the connection has no possibility of ending. It is deeply comforting to wonder who we were before and who we will become. Perhaps my mind works this way to soothe itself. Either way, I'm pleased by the feeling.

I am too much of a poet to be able to stomach the word "soulmate" bandied around for the dick-zillionth (thank yooou, Neon!) time by someone with a bad vocabulary (not anyone here- I've just been to a lot of poetry readings).
I think here are much more unique and interesting spiritual discussions to have. Besides-how exhausting to think that there is only one person that you must find in the wide world who will complete your soul? That doesn't sound like my brand of self-awareness.

Ok, now I'm just avoiding my homework.
-R
 
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